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  • Wicked Pissah!
    Or
    What I learned on my trip to Boston

    Now as you all might have guessed by now, it's a bad idea to send me on a business trip. So far, I've got to go to New York City, Baltimore and now Boston (actually more like western Massachusetts) all on the company dime. I've been to both New York and Baltimore before but being in Boston/Massachusetts was an entirely different animal.

    First, I had to fly. (Because I'm not about to drive up to Boston putting hundreds of miles on my car, even if the company is paying for it.) The last time I flew was... oh, my senior trip to Florida. So, like six years ago. And the last time I had even stepped foot in an airport after that was to pick some people up... three years ago. Needless to say, things have changed since then. Which brings me to my first lesson I learned on my trip to Boston:

      1. Being patted down by a member of the opposite sex isn't nearly as much fun as it sounds.

    Since I forgot to bring something to read on the plane, earlier that day, I bought Michael Moore's Stupid White Men. Somewhere over New York, I got to chapter 3. If you haven't read the book, I'll share with you why I got this sinking feeling on the plane (and not because the plane dipped a few thousand feet).

      2. According to Michael Moore, beginning pilots only make about $9,000 after expenses... and before taxes.

    That sinking feeling was the realization that if I had worked full time at 7-11, I would have made more than a pilot makes. The person you rely on to not turn the plane into a gigantic metal tomb... as opposed to the person that you rely on to give you correct change and occasionally fix the Slurpee machine.

    After we touched down, I noticed a lot of (pardon me for being un-PC) retarded people working odd jobs. I thought to myself, "Oh, that's nice that all these retarded people can find work here." It was at the hotel that I finally realized:

      3. All the people in Massachusetts aren't retarded... its just their accents.

    One of the things my company got right on this business trip was sending me to a location where I didn't know where I was and didn't have my own transportation at my fingertips. But luckily, the hotel had the greatest time waster known to man, cable TV. HBO, MTV, VH1, and Comedy Central all there to waste my time away. And also leads me to:

      4. To get on MTV you either have to be really, really pretty, be related/dating to someone who is, or be Ozzy Osbourne.

    Also something I learned from watching MTV in Massachusetts:

      5. One of the guys who sings that god-awful "Hero" song off the Spider-man soundtrack (who the hell rhymes "killing" with "blood-spilling?") looks a lot like Jack Black of Tenacious D. Except he's all serious without any of Jable's mock sincerity to his seriousness.

    Finally, after returning home, I learned this:

      6. Every piece of mail you were waiting for before your trip will find its way to your house the day you leave.

    Getting to fly and visit other states is fun, but I'm glad to be home. Massachusetts is a really beautiful state and the people there are super-nice. But at least here, I can understand what everybody is saying... for the most part. (Oh, and I can buy dvds tax free!)



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