Do you want the good news or the bad news first?
The bad news: I got captured again. They tranked me while I was walking down 95. Bastards. Then they pantsed me. Bastards.
The good news is that Bianca the messenger pigeon is still A-OK and it looks like she’ll be able to deliver through the reviews with no problem. Right on Bianca!
As soon as I got back to the prison they made me watch Larry the cable Guy: Health inspector 14 times in a row. Let me tell you this, I didn’t laugh once, and I’ve seen the cable guy’s ass so many times I could draw it out for you from memory. But lets get down to it.
I always get the impression that <b>Larry The Cable Guy: Health Inspector</b> is the kind of movie that gets made on a dare. Or blackmail! Blackmails a good motivator in any major industry. But is that really enough to get a movie like this made?
There must be a market for it. Someone out there must love Larry the Cable Guy. In fact I’m sure of it. It’s nearly impossible to watch The Daily Show without seeing a promo for The Blue Collar Comedy Tour or Larry the Cable Guy’s comedy albums, or something (honestly I kind of tune it out). And I’m sure those products have broken all kinds of “redneck” comedy records but is that really for everybody. Just because Kid Rock is a fan does that mean we need a whole movie featuring Larry? Honestly?
So naturally, the plot is ridiculous and cycles in various kinds of rednecks and non-rednecks that play different version of the Odd Couple game. “His trucks dirty, but she likes things clean! This is going to be hysterical!” No it’s not, although he did have a home air conditioner in the window of his truck. That was kind of funny.
Specifically the plot revolves around Larry and his partner trying to solve a mysterious outbreak of food poisonings in the areas major restaurants. They have to figure out whose behind the dastardly plan before to big food cook off. They actually do a decent job of providing a large list of possible villains including a very unexpected appearance by Joe Pantoliano. I know the guy does more movies than God and Sam Jackson combined but what the hell is he doing in this movie?
Now, this movie isn’t completely worthless. Megyn Price is very hot, and I was impressed with Iris Bahr who plays Larry’s straight laced polished and professional assistant. There’s a good running gag where Larry thinks she’s a man and keeps calling her “son” and “guy”. When she eventually cracks and yells “I may not have big boobs but they’re perky and I’ve got nipples that could cut glass!” it got a good laugh out of me.
And Larry’s not horrible. He’s true to himself, this isn’t just my kind of humour. The appeal isn’t there, but it doesn’t mean he or the movie were appalling. Although it does take some serious potential and flush it down the toilet. Patonliano is obviously one of those untapped potentials, but even an unrecognizable David Koechner (Anchorman, Out Cold, Thank you For Smoking) as the retarded neighbor boy that is always pestering Larry to throw a ball. This guy has played some head cases in the past, but this role takes the cake.
Rating: 2 out of 10
It just didn’t work for me at all. I mean, I knew it wouldn’t. I knew that this movie was going to be a rough one for me and to be honest it wasn’t as offensive or as upsetting as I thought it would be, but it also wasn’t anything special. That’s why I can’t give it a higher rating. What would make me give it a higher rating?
Ha - No way! This movie was bad on several levels. I’m sure there are tons of people that will eat it up like hotcakes but if you’re not into the type of humour it’s a dead duck. Or ummm like “wheat germ pancakes” if I have to keep some sort of analogy going.
If you liked this movie check out: Joe Dirt
Aw, I love Joe Dirt. I’m not sure why but for me it’s just easier to take than Health Inspector, I don’t know if it’s the way it’s told, the heart that the story manages to bring together at then end, Christopher Walken, or David Spade himself, but that movie works. It’s very much redneck trash humour but told tongue in cheek so that you never take too much of it seriously. I guess that’s a little mean more mean spirited but I’ll take frozen dog balls on a metal porch over Larry’s ass any day.
Trailer Hitch: See No Evil
WWE is no producing movies and to be honest this one doesn’t look half bad. Some crazy guy hunts down teenagers in a hotel. Interesting set up, it looks like the maniac is a wrestler so he’s just a huge monster, and if we’re lucky, one of the girls will have huge boobs. To be honest it has more potential to bomb, but you can never tell with horror movies. Sometimes they’ll hit really big.
That’s it for now. I’m working on a new escape plan with the prisoner if cell 5. something about fertilizer in November. As long as I don’t end up with any permanent scars I say – awesome. Wish us luck!