I really liked the whole thing, and agreed the art is incredible. I thought the first 5-6 pages were paced a little slowly but it seems to be picking up nicely from there. But I always complain about pacing, so I don't know if you should take anything from that.
I didn't notice any dialog that seemed clunky. I would have changed a couple of lines here and there. Like dropping the word 'me' on page 1, caption 5. Little stuff like that.
There is a typo I noticed on the last page. Last panel, caption: 'ver little' I'm assuming should be very little.
Other than that, good stuff man. Tell me when there is more to read.