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Discuss this week's Joe Loves Crappy Movies here!

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Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.

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The Pink Panther

Released: 02/10/06

Viewed: 12:15pm 02/11/06

Starring: Steve Martin, Kevin Kline, Beyonce Knowles, Jean Reno, Emily Mortimer

Directed by: Shawn Levy

Sony Pictures Official Site of the movie

As a child of the 80's and 90's I came along after the original Pink Panther films starring Peter Sellers had been made and become classic. So when someone says the Pink Panther to me, I think first of that cartoon cat in the commercials for the pink housing insulation. I would eventually come to discover the movies and the fact that the Pink Panther was actually a diamond being stolen and hunted down every couple of years by pretty much the most inept cop France could cough up.

I love the Peter Sellers version of Inspector Clouseau, but wasn't against a remake. It's a good character, and a good concept. To be honest there's not enough crime/mystery/comedies in theaters these days so the return of one that I was familiar with was a welcome gift. Besides after 2005, the year of the remake, I was officially ready for anything. If I can accept Jessica Simpson as Daisy Duke, then I can certainly accept Steve Martin as Jacques Clouseau

In fact, Martin being on the movie was huge incentive that the movie might actually be passable. He's done a few stinkers but I really believe he's one of the finer comedic minds of the last 30 years. He's got real instincts for what's funny and I respect that.

What I don't respect was the merciless advertising done for the movie. On SNL Martin admitted to pimping the hell out of this film, but that was just the cherry on the crap sundae. It's been non-stop for the past 2 months with everything from posters to TV commercials to Martin himself doing a 3 minutes sketch in theaters where, as Clouseau, he reminds people turn off their cell phones before the movie. I turned off more than my cell phone. I turned off all major interest in the movie.

I knew I'd see it, but I wasn't nearly as excited as I was when first hearing about the project. Then the movie got bumped from 2 prime spots in the summer of 05, and ended up in no mans land in February. The real reason for the bump is that the parent company of the distributor was bought out and stalled all projects in the works with legal issues, but? delays are never good. When the trailers were finally released and they chose to focus in on that damn bit about a Frenchman trying to pronounce "Hamburger", I was done. I'm sorry, that Hamburger thing is not that funny and every other day I'd be in the theater watching people choke on their popcorn laughing at it. What happened to annoying French people sucking? Does anyone else miss that?

So my love affair with this movie was over before seeing it. What started out as a great idea ended up looking like it was just going to be the same old thing. If we keep laughing at stuff that's not funny then they'll keep making it. But I was determined to go in without expecting it to suck. I do really try to take movies seriously and look at everything objectively, but to further warrant today's comic, I decided to count the moments where Martin's dignity was in question.

I stopped counting after 4 or 5 when I decided to drop it. The movie was turning out ok. It was about 20 minutes in and I found myself stretching to find these moments where he was undignified. I would analyze the scene and say to myself "Well it was a fart joke but it was actually pretty funny. Does that count? Should I bump it up to 6?"

Even more of a distraction from my mission of counting was that I was getting wrapped up in the story. It's not a great story, but I was starting to wonder who actually stole the damn diamond. And figuring that out is not as easy as it sounds. Don't try. You'll enjoy the pay off more.

There are a lot of strong jokes in the movie. Not jokes that really made me laugh out loud, but jokes that sort of made me recognize that they were funny. It's hard to explain. I wasn't falling out of my seat with the giggles, but I was respecting the humor that was happening. Most impressively is the way a lot of things make multiple appearances. The hamburger thing for example. It could very easily have been some lame 2-minute bit that had the audience rolling, and nothing more. But it ends up playing a major role later in the movie. That's pretty cool, even for a joke I wasn't too crazy about.

It's like a good stand up comic that will reference something said earlier in the act. That's hard to do but if it works it make s a huge impression. That's smart comedy.

I wish I could say that the acting and characters were perfect but I can't. Martin's accent was funny at times but it did start to get on my nerves. It's nice that he makes the character his own, but I miss some of the charm Seller's brought to the role. He's still pretty funny though. I'd love to see this work out for him. He needs a strong franchise.

Kevin Kline, Beyonce Knowles, and Jean Reno are all fine, but do little more than set up Martin's crazy antics. A sequel would be worth it just to let the supporting cast stretch their legs a little more. Though Reno did get to get dressed in that spandex outfit with Martin for the camouflage bit. Unfortunately there's no time to really laugh in that scene because you're too busy trying not to look at their balls.

I enjoyed the big reveal ending. I thought it was fun and inventive but part of me wishes they'd had a few more clues throughout the movie. I know it's better this way because it's much more random and it suites the way Clouseau's brain works. No one else could have figured this out because the whole situation is just way too stupid. So the pay off is good, but the set up isn't nearly as strong.

Going in not thinking it would be good, and having it no suck was kind of a shock. It's weird. I liked it enough to wish it were better. It didn't fit my low expectations, but it didn't shatter those expectations either. 5 out of 10 may seem a bit low after a review where I point out the good stuff, but the movie wasn't so bad that the bad stuff stands out. It's there, but it didn't terribly bother me. Sadly the good stuff didn't impress me enough to rate it above average. Maybe next time.

DVD worthy?: My first instinct was that it's not, but the more time I spend away from it the more affectionate I am for some of the finer moments. It's definitely not a must have, but if the price was right and it had free ticket to a sequel then sure. Why not?

If you liked this movie check out: Austin Powers

There's something about Panther that reminds me a lot of the Austin Powers franchise. Could be Beyonce. Could be that Beyonce was with men that were nowhere near her league. Could be the theme of mystery solving. Could be the goofy accents. Could be the irritable amount of promos and advertisements that littered national media for the last month. But The Pink Panther definitely has the same charm as the Austin Powers minus the vulgarity and really big laughs.

Panther goes family friendly and is able to keep kids attention but ends up sacrificing being able to push the jokes as far as they can go. Not that Austin Powers was that bad, but it was very PG-13. I'm not sure I can picture Steve Martin giving birth to a little version of himself via silhouette. And that little man certainly wouldn't give him the finger and kick his ass afterwards. Different movies, but still a close feel.

Trailer Hitch: R.V.

Watching the trailer for RV I wasn't thrilled. Seemed like real talent acting crazy for the sake of being crazy. I pegged it as another stinker in the Sonnenfeld library which has slowly been slipping in the credibility department over the last 10 years. But as the trailer went on I realized it's just a polished version of National Lampoon's Vacation. That movie has the same themes, the same wacky accidents and situations, and it was funny as hell! Of course it wasn't for kids.

RV could potentially be a huge family hit, but it won't stand the test of time because it's going to be tied down with kiddie humor. Humor can be kid safe and still funny, but RV will never be Vacation.

So, Yeo has that damn Beyonce song from the Pink Panther soundtrack stuck in her head, and she's been walking around all day singing and dancing to it. Only she doesn't know any of the words and her dancing consists of a lot of arm waving and booty shaking. Curious what that my look like? Vote and have a look. Non movie related stuff:

Wanted to give another shout out to Drastic Comics who have been awesome for spending their advertising coin with us. Head on over and have a look at the strip, and let them know how it makes you feel inside. Seriously, thanks guys. You rock.

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Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V

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@retail_rage @joedunn721 and @irvfabor are trying to convince me not to eat them because I "don't know where they'v... https://t.co/MlsSGyJNni
19 Oct 2019
Joe Dunn
I'm taking a break from all social media. Except @letterboxd.
08 Nov 2019