Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.
Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.
With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.
Viewed: 12:30pm 03/04/06
Starring: Bruce Willis, Mos Def, David Morse
Directed by: Richard Donner
Warner Brothers Official Site of the movie
Walking 16 blocks in New York City is the equivalent of walking about a mile and a half. Shouldn't take you more than 20 minutes, even at a slow shuffle. Even with window-shopping. Even if you're a 60-year alcoholic cop chained to a criminal. Door to door, you're looking at 20 minutes. Throw in some dirty cops and it sort of changes everything. But that's good. I don't think I would've wanted to watch a movie about two guys walking down the street.
Bruce Willis is an old and tired cop whose given a last second chore of escorting a small time crook (Mos Def) to court. Things quickly change from easy to "freakin' duck!" when Wills saves Def from a group of would be hit men. We learn these attackers are crooked NYPD officers and suddenly suspect there's a lot more to this small time crook than meets the eye. Willis' makes a morality call and the chase begins.
Kind of a fun set up that has a lot of good pay offs the more you learn about the past of Mos and Bruce's characters. Each has secrets that explain who they are and the way they're behaving. It's as much a character study as it is a thrilling chase.
16 Blocks has an odd staggered pacing that would occasionally take me out of the momentum the movie had built up. It was a combination of bursts of excitement anchored by long periods of reflection. I like the way Dustin Rowels summed it up calling it "?the kind of tension middle-aged folks can probably appreciate ? relaxingly taut, but well short of the heart-stopping adrenalization that the teenaged demographic seems to prefer."
Your parents will approve. Your grandparents will crap themselves with excitement. The rest of us will ho-hum our way into the parking lot. You don't necessarily need a lot of action or explosions to get the tension up, but the running should have never stopped. The fear of getting caught should have been constant. But in these 16 blocks there always seems to be an empty apartment or an available back room where they can rest up and analyze the situation? to death. It got to the point where I almost dialed 911 just so I could report their location and get the chase back on!
Thankfully the acting is strong enough to make most of those slower moments still work. David Morse ,who has made a career out of being a bad guy with a good guys job, is so much fun to watch in 16 Blocks. Every time I've seen him before he's melted into the background behind people like Ed Harris and Sam Jackson. I always found him to be memorable but never so much that I could picture him as the principal baddie. The key, it turns out, was to give him something proper to do. With men to yell at and a few one on one's opposite Willis, Morse makes the most of this film and shines brightly.
Willis and Mos are a great pair on screen. They have good banter and solid chemistry, and each has their moment to really show what they can do with a dramatic monologue. I wouldn't say they hit home runs, but it wasn't mind numbing. None of this is too surprising. Despite is action persona, Bruce Willis can act. That's not a secret, and despite begin another rapper turned actor, everyone knows that Mos Def can act. His reputation as one of the "go to" guys in Hollywood is well earned.
Mos has been building slowly with smaller roles over the past few years, and I really respect that path. He could have been the star of some crazy stoner comedy by this now, but he's hung back and taken less flash roles in respectable movies with talented people. He's on the right path to becoming the "it" actor in Hollywood. Best of all, he's got the skills to back it up. Well shown in 16 Blocks, even if his voice did get a little annoying.
If only Mos Def's coolness was enough to carry this movie all the way through. Eventually it just slows down and gets not only boring but predictable as well. Too much character development of characters we've seen a thousand times before. Truth is, after it heats up for that first assassination attempt, it cools down and never gets that hot again. I don't know. I'm an action boy; I need my explosions.
Rating: 4.5 out of 10
It's hard to go too low with this because I was really entertained. Even with that ending coming at you from a mile away, it was still a good time. 16 Blocks is never so boring that I'm checking my watch every 20 seconds, but it's rarely so exciting that I couldn't check it if I wanted to. Watch it if you must, but it'll be out on DVD before you know it.
DVD worthy?: Mmmm, maybe. I feel like it dragged a little in the middle but a second viewing might help it along. You never know, sometimes it does. I'm not in love with this movie so I'm leaning towards "no" but I just bought Assault on Precinct 13 for 9 bucks, so it's really hard to say where my heads going to be at from day to day.
If you liked this movie check out: Sin City
Nothing leaps out as a direct comparison. It's weird; sometimes it's so easy to say that one movie reminds me of another movie and other times I really struggle with it. It's not like 16 Blocks is an original idea. It's a movie about dirty cops. How many movies about dirty cops are there? Isn't there a movie right now called Dirty? What's that about? Oh, strippers you say?? Awesome.
This is also a movie where Bruce Willis plays a cop. He does that at least once a year. I've already poked fun at it in the comic for Hostage. But it's cool, I just can't think of a movie to recommend. So you should probably just watch Sin City again.
Trailer Hitch: Click
Click is the new Adam Sandler movie. When those three words are strung together it can a bunch of different reactions. Sandler makes movies that do very well, but I would say his reputation of making crappy movies is more prominent then his reputation for making successful ones.
I happened to be a Sandler fan, but you see the title of the comic. Part of me will always be in love with the comedy standard set with Happy Gilmore and the true emotion achieved with The Wedding Singer. From my perspective those are his two greatest movies and they belong in everyone's DVD collection.
His other movies range from good to unwatchable, but each has their place. More importantly, each has some laughs. Even the worst Sandler movie has 4 or 5 really strong laughs. They may be hard to find, but they're there. Click is about a man who buys a magical remote form Christopher Walken that can pause, rewind, mute, etc real life. Cool idea. Sounds like a good episode of Duck Tales. I'm actually really looking forward to where they'll take it. It has a lot of potential to reach the comedy levels of Gilmore, and the heart of Singer. Of course adding in Walken, Sean Astin, and Kate Beckinsale with her giant hair, doesn't hurt things at all.
I wanted to do a new incentive but still remind folks that Joe Loses an Eye event is still going on. Whatch Kyle the movie snob get his revenge! This movie snob shall take no more!
b>About the Comic:
Ok, if you're lost then read the strip from Friday. (Obnoxious winking)
Non movie related stuff:
Not much to say for now, I've got some work to finish up before the weekend is over. But if you want to see something I finished up last week, check out this piece I was commissioned to do for a Upsidaisium. It was great, I was just told to draw floating buildings on rocks and just have a good time. It really was fun too. I never draw stuff like that and part of me really enjoyed the change of pace. The room left in the middle was originally for text that said the site name. Part of me thinks it could use that text, but I'm not picky. As long as the customer is happy?
Oh, also go spend some time at the Temple of a Thousand Tears. It's a great fantasy strip by a good friend to the Digital Pimps - Trevor. He's just come back form a hiatus and is now updating every Tuesday and Thursday. I've been a fan of the series so I'm anxious to see where he takes it. Check it out.
Thanks for reading, guys.
Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - The Introduction
Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.
First Appearance - Fever Pitch
Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior
Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.
First Appearance - V for Vendetta
Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison
Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.
First Appearance - 300
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe
Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.
First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet
Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.
First Appearance - Four Brothers
Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.
First Appearance - Ultraviolet
Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.
First Appearance - The Producers
Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!
Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?
First Appearance - Saw IV
Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V