Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.
Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.
With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.
She's the Man
Viewed: 2:20pm 03/17/06
Starring: Amanda Bynes, Channing Tatum, Vinnie Jones, David Cross
Directed by: Andy Fickman
Dreamworks Official Site of the movie
Report from George Jones agent 337 16:53 03/22/06
The last thing today's American teens need is another movie making light of sexuality. When I was a boy growing up in the great state of Wisconsin we didn't have gender swapping or gender confusion, and that's the way we liked it! If my pappy even caught me looking at a doll in a weird way he'd sit me down and say, "George Munroe Jones, you're a boy... and that's awesome! Don not forsake your genitalia!" Let me tell you, when you're hear that at 3 years old it really sticks with you.
Everyone remembers when Rodney Dangerfield made that movie where he dressed up the kid from Seaquest as a girl so his girl's soccer team could win the big game. And we all know what happen to Dangerfield after that. That's right - he DIED. 13 years and millions of dollars in success later he died. That's just how the grim reaper works. He'll get you when you least expect it.
One would think that Hollywood would have learned their lesson but no, 2006 brings us She's the Man a cutting edge teen comedy about disrespecting your elders and breaking the law to suit your own selfish needs. Despicable.
Amanda Bynes stars as Viola a talented girls soccer player who would make an excellent school teacher or nurse. When a lack of funding leads to the girl's squad getting cut she makes a foolhardy attempt to join the boys team. After rejection she devises a plan to steal her brothers identity so she can play soccer with the boys team at his elite boarding school.
Right there that's 3 laws broken.
As Viola faces the challenges of a dual life and tries to be accepted by her new male teammates I did find myself chuckling every now and then. Bynes, while looking nothing like a boy, manages to make the most of the role and really brings home the funny. If she weren't such a lying pathetic degenerate I might have actually said she were talented.
She is backed up by an excellent supporting cast of teens that manage not to screw up too badly, but it's two of the adult characters, which stood out the most to me. Vinnie Jones the Mean Machine plays the coach of the soccer team at the boarding school. He's a ruthless tyrant that will not take any disrespect from these privileged brats. For most of the movie he gives off that hard-as-steel exterior but shamelessly is forced to give in and let Viola play. A pathetic display having a man of such presence buckle under the power of a kid's movie.
The second role was that of the principle played by liberal stoner David Cross. It's no secret that Cross and I have a checkered past. I'll say it plain and straight: You're a dime store douche bag, Cross and I'll see you in hell. Where my job will be hitting your sack with a crowbar that's on fire.
Cross attempts to switch things up by playing the disciplinarian in She's the Man. An obvious attempt to score some points with the government he's been badmouthing for so long. We're watching you, jerkoff. But predictably he ends up being one of those weak Nancy boy administrators that tries to be the kid's friend. Kids need discipline! Rules! Curfews! Chastity Belts!
Cross's only commendable act is when he outs Viola's scheme to the entire school and her family at once with a bull horn in the middle of the soccer field. A lot of people would call that a completely ridiculous attempt to overly embarrass the child but I say "Humiliate them to everyone they know, and they'll never back talk again. Never. Ever."
Rating: 6 out of 10
In the end She's the Man was a mildly entertaining exercise in patients. I tried to think of it as Science Fiction, because if this ever happened in real life you better believe that Amanda Bynes would go straight to jail. And she's little enough, and sexy enough, where all her female cellmates would be lining up to be her "man" for her entire time there.
No. The only DVD I own is Patton.
If you liked this movie check out: 10 Things I Hate About You
10 Things I Hate About You like She's the Man is based on a Shakespearean play and features a cast of sexually over charged teenagers disobeying their parents and the authority. If you liked Bynes aspiring to be a man you'll Julia Styles struggling to resist Heath Ledger. Now that's a man's man right there. I don't get out to the movies to often but Heath Ledger loves the ladies. He should make a cowboy movie. Show people what a real man should act like.
Folks over at the Web Comic List are still having a problem with there site. I sure hope they get it fixed soon so I don't need to make a phone call. You know what I'm talking about.
Non movie related stuff:
There's your precious review, I hope it was everything you hoped it would be. This comic has been too safe and too liberal for too long, so recognize and appreciate the new direction! You've gotten fat and soft listening to the advice of Joe Dunn. Well, you don't have to worry anymore because George is here and I'm going to whip you into shape!
If you have any questions feel free to contact me directly in the forums.
You can also get a sneak peek at my comic for Find Me Guilty at Clickwheel.
Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - The Introduction
Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.
First Appearance - Fever Pitch
Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior
Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.
First Appearance - V for Vendetta
Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison
Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.
First Appearance - 300
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe
Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.
First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet
Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.
First Appearance - Four Brothers
Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.
First Appearance - Ultraviolet
Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.
First Appearance - The Producers
Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!
Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?
First Appearance - Saw IV
Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V