Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.
Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.
With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.
Viewed: 12:05pm 03/26/06
Starring: Denzel Washington, Clive Owen , Jodi Foster, Christopher Plummer, Willem Dafoe, Chiwetel Ejiofor
Directed by: Spike Lee
Universal StudiosOfficial Site of the movie
Report from George Jones agent 337 10:44 03/31/06
Honestly I’m just relieved this wasn’t a gay porno. Although one starring Denzel Washington and Clive Owen would be a pretty high class one. Regardless, discovering Inside Man was in reality an old-fashioned flashy bank heist picture brought me a great deal happiness. Up until I learned it was directed by Spike Lee.
Lee has been a burden on cinema for too long, always making a point or pushing an agenda. I remember when movies were about having a good time and watching stuff blow up. You didn’t have to worry about hidden messages or secret schemes. Take a movie like Night of the Living Dead. Now that is just a great movie about some good old boys killin’ some flesh eating living dead monsters of the night. There’s no underlying message about the decline of society, mob mentality or an abusive class system that’s slowly destroying our economy and livelihood from the inside out. Just monster killin’ fun.
Thankfully Inside Man seems to move away from Lee’s deviant films of the past. It’s just simple story about a bank robbery and the good guys catching the bad guys. That’s what I like. Even if the good guys are a couple of incompetent slack asses.
I tell you something, I would have had that Clive Owen and his big breasted friend out of the bank in 5 minutes flat and I wouldn’t have been worried about any “inside player” because after tear gassing the hell out of the place they would have just confessed. Those liberal get-something-for-nothing bunny huggers hate to cry.
The movie was a lot of fun though. I figured out right away who the inside man was and how they were going to pull off the robbery, but it was very entertaining to look around the theater and watch a pack of untrained middle American white trash try to fit the pieces together. Don’t feel bad, I’m qualified to analyze a situation at a glance and know exactly what’s going on. It’s my job. I’m sure I couldn’t just come down to your job and start flipping the burgers correctly. Actually I’m sure in fact that I could, go back to school.
The constant threat of danger combined with want to actually know what’s going on will have you holding your breath with anticipation. Inside Man is a well-crafted adventure with enough questions and enough tension to make it worth your time.
Rating: 7 out of 10
Is it wrong that I’m giving it an extra 2 points because of Clive Owen’s eyes?
I don’t really need a DVD full of people trying to out balls each other. Why watch that when I live it and win it everyday?
If you liked this movie check out: Dog Day Afternoon
There’s an obvious comparison between Inside Man and Dog Day afternoon, Washington’s character even mentions the “American Classic”. Despite Spike Lee’s questionable moral and ethical thematic choices in the past, he wisely left out the transvestite sex change angle. Inside Man takes a similar story and fills it to the brim with testicles. And every last one of them wants to be there.
Trailer Hitch: Flight 93
There’s nothing funny about this movie. The full trailer reveals a new intensity to the film that the teaser of last month only hinted at. People died and there’s nothing to joke about there. Is it too soon for their story to be told, who are we to say. Either way, they were heroes.
Non movie related stuff:
Joe continues to sneak his reviews onto the Message boards despite my best efforts. I wonder if we have an Inside Man of our own. Shots will be fired. Questions will be answered.
Holy cow you guys went wild with the voting over at Clickwheel this weekend. Were you guys really that hard up to see the comic for Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector? Wait until you see the review.
Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - The Introduction
Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.
First Appearance - Fever Pitch
Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior
Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.
First Appearance - V for Vendetta
Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison
Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.
First Appearance - 300
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe
Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.
First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet
Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.
First Appearance - Four Brothers
Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.
First Appearance - Ultraviolet
Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.
First Appearance - The Producers
Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!
Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?
First Appearance - Saw IV
Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V