Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.
Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.
With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.
Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector
Viewed: 2:25pm 03/28/06
Starring: Larry the Cable Guy, Megyn Price, Iris Bahr, Joe Pantoliano, David Koechner
Directed by: Trent Cooper
Lion’s Gate Official Site of the movie
Report from George Jones agent 337 22:49 04/03/06
3 seconds in to this movie a giant, disgusting, obese backside crosses the screen, and that pretty much sets the tone for the next hour an a half. The same sort of asinine humor, the same stink of desperation to make comedy that will have the audience rolling out of their seats with amusement. Well as the only person in the theater I can honestly say there were no laughing fit incidents that day.
In fact there were some moments in the movie that were so unpleasant I found myself wishing for that giant ass to float back through and blind me for the rest of the day. Anything to escape to torture. The movie was so unfunny that at one point I shot myself in the leg to make sure I could still feel. It got to a point where I just felt bad and started to offer courteously laughs, like “Oh, Isn’t that cute. Aha-ha.” But sure enough seconds later I would have my pistol taking shaky aim at my good leg. Then the screen. Then my leg again.
The movie stars the very popular comedian Larry the Cable Guy who plays – you guest it! – A health inspector. After being teamed up with a promising young rookie the two uncover a plot to poison popular restaurants in town in order to rig a cooking contest. You read it correctly – a cooking contest. I had more emotionally invested in the Greek Olympics at the end of Revenge of the Nerds. Still can’t believe those Tri-Lambda nerds won.
We’re introduced to a variety on rednecks. Sleeveless office workers, slutty waitresses with ponytails on the side of their heads, mentally disabled rednecks with mullets, Kid Rock… you get the idea. It’s interesting to see a different part of the country. At first it was so bizarre and so foreign that I assumed they we’re Canadian or an albino Mexican society of some kind, but sure enough I Googled “hillbilly” and it turns out the United States is filled with people like this. And I love them. Not because they choose to vote Republican but because they vote Republican because we tell them to. If they keep doing that, I say let giggle at the health inspector until they split their pants.
So Larry and his partner figure things out, and the girl Larry falls for is way to hot for him, then there’s a fart joke and another fart joke, then we see Larry’s ass again and the movie ends. Sorry if I spoiled anything for you. A movie like this will certainly have its fans, and that’s good. Most everyone else will either be bored to tears or fiercely and aggressively insulted. God Bless America.
Rating: 2 out of 10
Larry the Cable Guy Health Inspector sets the redneck movement back 40 years with this insensitive glorified stereotype of a movie. As he rests comfortably on his pile of 1 dollar bills and 2 dollars prostitutes, the rest of the blue collar south foolishly lets out a subtle cry of praise with it’s last dying breath. “Get-r-Dun, Larry” cough cough “Get-r-dun…”
I love the people of the south but comedic taste is not something they have. When you’re white trash movie is less sophisticated than Joe Dirt, then you might be a redneck.
If you liked this movie check out: Duck Hunt
They should seriously make a Duck Hunt movie. Does no one else see agree with me?
Trailer Hitch: See No Evil
The world of professional wrestling has a movie production company, and their first big effort is See No Evil. It tells the story of a maniac that hunts a group of kids as they clean a hotel to fulfill community service. Brilliant. If one thing will teach those kids not to break the law again it’s a big metal hook up the pooper.
Non movie related stuff:
There are still some misguided fools clamoring for Dunn’s return, but I don’t know why they keep their hopes alive. I received word from Washington that he was picked up hitchhiking down route 95 in Virginia. It only took 1 dart to bring the beast down. Even though he has been rounded up I wouldn’t be surprised if he and his army of messenger pigeons manage to get his reviews up on line in the future, but it’s just another problem that will eventually be fixed. I’m still in charge.
Today’s comic for Health Inspector was a massive success over at Clickwheel. You guys downloaded it over 300 times. I find that both exciting and terrifying at the same time.
Today’s comic marks the one-year anniversary of the strip. Most of that time was spent with Joe Dunn, but the new direction under myself, George Jones, and the propaganda geniuses of the United States government, ensure that the 2nd year will be even bigger and even brighter! Here’s to the future. Cue the eagles! We couldn’t get Eagles. Oh we couldn’t AFFORD eagles. I can’t believe I got assigned to this crap job.
Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - The Introduction
Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.
First Appearance - Fever Pitch
Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior
Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.
First Appearance - V for Vendetta
Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison
Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.
First Appearance - 300
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe
Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.
First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet
Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.
First Appearance - Four Brothers
Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.
First Appearance - Ultraviolet
Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.
First Appearance - The Producers
Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!
Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?
First Appearance - Saw IV
Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V