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Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.

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Scary Movie 4

Released: 04/14/06

Viewed: 4:40pm 04/14/06

Starring: Anna Faris, Ragina Hall, Craig Bierko, Anthony Anderson, Kevin Hart, James Earl Jones, Shaquille O’neal, Dr. Phil, Carmen Electra, Leslie Nielson

Directed by: David Zucker

Mirimax Films Official Site of the movie

Report from George Jones agent 337 21:21 04/16/06

There’s nothing I hate more than false advertisement. Except flag burning. Or rap music. But when going into a theater expecting to see something “scary” and being told you should actually expect “funny” then ultimately getting neither, is deceptive on a level that makes Straight Outta Compton look like the Star Spangled Banner. Of course this notion is probably hysterical to the minds behind Scary Movie 4, the 4th most nauseously unfunny film in the Scary Movie titanic-esque disaster of a franchise.

Scary movie 4 picks up with returning character Cindy (Anna Faris) who seems to be getting more a more simple with each sequel. Too many balls to the face. Cindy becomes a health care worker in a haunted house just as an alien invasion is breaking out. Then she… God, what does she do? Nothing really. She meets Tom (Craig Bierko) and Brenda (Regina Hall, who died in the last movie and somehow wasn’t really dead.) (!?!?!) and they go to The Village and fight the aliens. Merciful God, how did they drag that plot along for an hour and a half?

I’ll tell you how. They filled it with an endless amount of lame jokes. Some of the jokes were direct hits, but due to sheer volume the odds were against them. Most of the jokes fall flat or depend too heavily on the audience thinking something is funnier than it actually is.

Example: In the opening sequence where Shaquille O’neal and Dr. Phil perform a very “out of character” scene, it’s never funny because the writers didn’t bother to write any truly funny jokes. They relied on the fact that Shaquille O’neal and Dr. Phil acting out of character was humorous enough in itself to carry the scene. Jokes would have helped. It also would have helped if either of those people were relevant at all.

It’s like how they put Michael Jackson in a scene involving child abduction. It wasn’t funny in Date Movie, it wasn’t funny in Scary Movie 3. Why does anyone think this will be funny now? Sometimes I think that these parody films are bankrolled by the Jackson impersonator and Carmen Electra because it’s the only film work they ever get. Why, I couldn’t say. People love pop music. People love cleavage. This movie should be a stupendous smash hit.

The sad thing is – it will be. Low and middle class America will flock to Scary Movie 4 like it’s deep friend and covered in ice cream. People love crude lowbrow comedy but hate to admit it. I guarantee you that the biggest laugh in the theater will be a tie between the mock homosexual love scene and the handicapped fart sequence. The more depraved and undignified the act is, the harder the masses will lick it up.

If you think about it for more than four seconds you’ll realize it’s not all that funny at all. That may explain why there’s a new joke every four seconds. They never give you enough time to realize there’s nothing funny really happening.

Rating: 4.5 out of 10

Not the worst parody film in recent years. It’s not even the worst this year. It’s not even the worst in this franchise. (There was something seriously disturbing about Scary Movie 2). But just because it’s not the worst doesn’t mean it’s worth 10 dollars. With 10 dollars you could purchase enough bullets to blind you and everyone in your family so that none of you have to witness a movie like this ever again. Or you could buy blind folds for everyone instead. Or ice cream! Who wants ice cream!?

DVD worthy?:

Pass. The laughs are too thin and too few. Although something tells me that a second viewing may be more entertaining. Repeat viewings will result in loss of brain cells. Loss of brain cells will make you appreciate the humor more. Watching it again could be win win.

Trailer Hitch: Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift

How to create a successful sequel to the Fast and the Furious franchise: Replace stunning American settings with the busy florescent glow of Tokyo. Replace Vin Diesel and Paul Walker with Bow Wow and some white guy. Replace thrilling crime plot with… turning. Seriously, the big drama in Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift is turning the car? That’s what they get for leaving America.

If you liked this movie check out: Airlplane!

Airplane! is arguably Zuckers strongest work and one of the classics in the parody genre. I don’t much care for the genre myself. Seems like a bunch of movies for 12-year-old boys with no attention span to giggle and quote on the schoolyard. We threw things at those boys. Yesterday. But I did laugh good and hard when the captain asks that kid if he likes gladiator movies. I love gladiator movies. Strong and rugged men, bare crested action. It’s exhilarating.

Non movie related stuff:

Today’s a big day for one of the comics that had a major influence on Joe Loves Crappy Movies. Theater Hopper releases it’s first book - Theaterhopper: Year One. A collection of all of the strips from the first year of the movie themed comic strip including commentaries from creator Tom Brazelton which can not be found anywhere else.

Pre-orders for the book start today, and for the pre-order period there are special incentives to spreading the word, including free movie money. Go here for the details.

Dunn has gone on in the past about how important Theater Hopper was to him, even before starting his own movie themed strip. Theater Hopper was one of those first strips that really spoke to him. Really made him excited about what a web comic and a web comic community could be. It helped bring a new passion to his work and for that, I assume, he is beyond grateful.

Spend your money wisely and buy a piece of a comic that is doing it well and doing it right. Support Theater Hopper.

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Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V

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