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Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.

Over The Hedge

Released: 05/19/06

Viewed: 11:20pm 05/20/06

Starring: Bruce Willis Garry Shandling, Steve Carell, Wanda Sykes, William Shatner, Nick Nolte, Thomas Haden Church, Allison Janney, Aviril Lavigne, Eugene Levy, Catherine O’hara

Directed by: Tim Johnson, Kare Kirkpatrick

Dream Works Official Site of the movie

As soon as I heard about Over The Hedge my reaction was as lackluster as that of the gruesome twosome in today’s comic. I don’t know if it’s just the jaded moviegoer in me, still bitter at Hollywood because the wave in Poseidon was only “kinda big”, that is just tired of the whole talking animal movie, but I have a feeling there are other’s like me out there. Others saying: “Enough is enough! I don’t care how cute and cuddly you are with your giant eyes and nonsensical catch phrases, I refuse to support your machine of consumerism!” You can keep your action figures, plush dolls, and clothing deals with K-Mart. I’m willing to be that K-Mart (or whoever) is still up to their ears in t-shirts featuring the cast of the The Wild, but that their also blissfully selling out of all their Ice Age 2 crap.

It used to be that the animated films paced themselves. 3 or 4 a year. Now it’s at least one a month, and for ever y Ice Age 2 there is another The Wild that gets lost in the shuffle or buried in the rushed DVD of Doogal (or whatever). It’s too much. Give us a chance to want and see an animated movie again.

The timing on Hedge actually seemed to work out as it raked in more than 35 million this past weekend. Were people really ready for another animated film? Are naked turtles that irresistible? Is this the work of the Catholic Church trying to take diminish The Da Vinci Code box office? I actually read an article about a nun trying to convince families to go see Over the Hedge so that Da Vinci wouldn’t do as well. My first thought was that she was working for Dream Works. Joe Dunn – Jaded moviegoer!

Despite my anger at animation overload and cute talking animals, I really enjoyed Over the Hedge. It’s a simple tale told with a quick pacing, a sharp animation style, and a lot of fun. It’s safe for the family and fun for adults, the story doesn’t take any real chances, but I think they make up for it with some clever action and great characterization. It’s not the next big franchise but if it were I wouldn’t be complaining.

The quick pacing is a godsend. So many kid’s movies have a period of downtime where it’s so easy to slip out of the moment and lose interest completely. Hedge has a couple of those moments but their brief enough that the quick return to action and story keeps you interested.

I had high hopes for the voice actors and they didn’t let me down. Bruce Willis is a pro. It’s easy to forget that he helped pave the way for big name actors as voice talent in the Look Whose Talking films. He’s so natural and so casual and it works so well. I was really impressed with Garry Shandling whose cast perfectly as the neurotic worrying turtle Verne. I thought he’d be a token voice but the character becomes so much more because of the uncertainty and vulnerability that Shandling’s nervous whine brings to the role.

The supporting voices are all strong. Each has a great moment (even singer Aviril Lavigne who makes her debut as a teen possum). I especially loved William Shatner’s overly dramatic death scene (don’t worry, that’s not a spoiler. He’s the daddy possum just doing what he does best). It’s Shatner doing what only Shatner can do. It’s a beautiful thing.

The voice performance lined up perfectly with the design and animation of the characters. Really solid animation that wasn’t too stylized or unnecessarily complicated. More to the point the animation style was never distracting. Most people don’t really care how good or bad the animation is but it make s a big difference to me. A movie like Hoodwinked, which had a brilliant story, lost me a couple of times because of its in and out animation. Hedge never comes close to that and actually impressed me with a few sequences. The hair and water are dead on, and there’s this car chase that looked outstanding.

That car chase is part of the final 20 minutes, which had me laughing with delight and marveling at how well they were wrapping up this little tale. The goal of a good animated film, or any story for that matter, should be to establish character, establish problem, and to use what the audience has learned about the character to solve the problem. Over the Hedge does this perfectly as they call back to previous jokes, previous experiences to add extra impact to the climax of the story. Those twenty minutes made the movie for me. For those of you who have seen it, I know you’ll nod in agreement when I mention the caffeine educed fit of Steve Carell’s Hammy the squirrel. Just fantastic.

It was a special surprise to find that Ben Folds wrote the music for the movie. I’m a Folds fan and he has one of those voices that is instantly recognizable. It was a treat to keeping hearing it return. However it was shocking during the closing credits to hear a clean version of his hit Rockin’ the Suburbs. I say “clean” because he changed every lyric in the song accept “Rockin’ the Suburbs”. I instantly thought of that scene with the Red Hot Chili Peppers on The Simpsons where they were asked to change their lyrics for TV.

“There’s no way we’re changing the lyrics. Yeah, man. Our lyrics are like our children.”

“We were just hoping you could change ‘What I got I gotta get it put it in you.’ To ‘What I want is I want to hug and kiss you’.”

“Oh, that’s something everyone can enjoy!”

I’m sure it went slightly differently then that in Fold’s case, and I have very little room to complain because this safe version is funny and still sounds great.

Rating: 6.5 out of 10

Even though it’s not amazing it was still a whole lot of fun. Fantastic characters that are voiced to perfection and clean animation could lead Hedge to a sequel. I’m just not sure that the thin story of animals digging through garbage was strong enough for one movie let alone two. I’d be happy to be proven wrong though and would gladly buy a ticket opening night to another romp in the garbage with the Dream Works crew.

DVD Worthy?:

Probably not, but I’m so jaded with animated movies these days that the movie would really have to be amazing to make me want to own it. Hedge is definitely above average, but I’m just not that into it.

If you liked this movie check out: Toy Story

There’s more than a few similarities between Over the Hedge and Toy Story. Both have the same vibe of family coming together to achieve a common goal. Both feature a new comer that dethrones a current leader only to learn a lesson and become friends with the former leader. Shandling’s Verne and Willis’ RJ definitely had this whole Woody/Buzz vibe going on. Both movies also feature a cast of very different characters that have special talents, which are used to help accomplish the different tasks. I always think that’s a lot of fun to bring together creatures and characters form different walks of life, and to have them use what they know to help the whole group. There’s some sort of grand lesson in that, and it always makes the animated family a lot more fun.

Toy Story is funnier with stronger animation and more emotion. In the long run that makes for a better film but sometimes, especially with an animated movies, lighter subject matter can go a long way. Hedge is easy and fun. That’s not a big compliment, but it’s not exactly an insult either.

Trailer Hitch: The Santa Clause 3

I was completely shocked to see this movie being made. I think somewhere deep in the back of my mind I knew that it was in production but to see an actual trailer for it was a wake up bomb. Why is it being made? Did the second one really do that well? I guess 140 million is sequel worthy, but I’d really like to see Tim Allen get out of family comedy limbo and start making some real movies again.

My frustration stems from Galaxy Quest, a movie Allen did in 1999, which was absolutely amazing. Smart and funny and an instant classic in my mind. I’m always looking for Allen to come back to movies like this, but I guess in the meanwhile having him do movies like The Shaggy Dog and Christmas with the Kranks will at the very least keep him in the public eye.

Having said all that, it REALLY pains me to say that the 3rd film doesn’t look half bad. Plot wise I think it’s a really fine idea. A nifty dose of time travel finds an evil Jack Frost intercepting the original Santa’s death, and taking the mantel before Allen has a chance. It reminded me of Futurama when Fry travels back to the first scene of the series to find out that his future self was partly responsible for his trip into the future. It’s this whole “your friend form the future is really your father/Terminator/time travel ball of fun. I’m really into that so I instantly perked up.

Down side? Martin Short as Jack Frost. I’m not a Martin Short fan. I’ve always thought that he goes too big. Too over the top, like Robin Williams on speed. I’m NOT into that. I’ll see it for sure though because it will undoubtedly be huge and the chances for it actually being entertaining are good.

Vote incentive:

Vote today to see a continuation of today’s comics. Did you think those terrible twins would actually have a good time at the ice cream parlor? Honestly?

And if you missed the last installment of What if Joe Was Laurence Fishburne? then be sure to vote over at Top Web Comics. Anytime I update a new incentive at Buzzcomix, I’ll make sure Top Web has the latest edition of the new series. Thank, guys!

Non Movie Related Stuff.

I teased over the weekend that I would update today with the best movie of the weekend. Hedge won out, but I’m not saying that The Da Vinci Code was bad. In all honesty it was probably a better all around film then anything else that came out this week, but there’s so much more involved for me to just say: “Oh, this movies better than this movie because of XY and Z.” It’s too complicated. I’ll explore that more in the review, which should be up by Wednesday. Thanks for reading guys.

Live Journal/Myspace/Rotten Tomatoes/Buzz Comix/Top Web Comics/Comics on the Ipod/The Webcomics List/Wikipedia/Comixpedia/JLCM Map!

Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V