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Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.

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Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift

Released: 06/06/06

Viewed: 2:35am 06/16/06

Starring: Lucas Black, Bow Wow

Directed by: Justin Lin

Universal Studios Official Site of the movie

Fair warning: I got drunk for this movie and have not fully recovered in time to write this review with a clear head. If I go off on any tangents, I do apologies in advance.

The Fast and The Furious is back and this time… they’re turning! That’s right! In this third film of the Fast and the Furious franchise the danger isn’t undercover cops, high tech hijackers or drug kingpins. It’s turning!

More specifically “Drifting”. Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift not only takes us to a new local on a new continent but it takes a closer look at the underground racing centered around drifting. Drifting is a method of steering where you use the hand break with the steering to guide you around a turn a little faster. It produces a lot of tire smoke and many a hooting and hollering from the theater audience. Although the fact that drifting was a turning method used in Pixar’s Cars less than a week ago takes a lot of street credibility out of this experience.

It was actually kind of cool though. I’d never seen racing like it where the cars where fishtailing, seemingly out of control, only to recover just in time to right themselves back on the road. Exciting to watch, and exciting enough to draw a crowd of hot Asian woman (seriously, they’re everywhere you look), but I’m not sure if it was exciting enough to base a movie around.

Before I go on I feel I should admit that I completely love the original Fast and The Furious. I think that even though it’s not exactly an original story, the story of an undercover cop infiltrating a group of highway hijackers is brilliantly put together. Fast, fun and full of action. I don’t care if Paul Walker at his best is as good as Keanu Reeves at his worst – the movie is awesome.

2 Fast 2 Furious, its bastard step brother, was ok but the action was put together better than the story. When that car crashes into that boat though, it’s way cool.

That said I feel Like Tokyo Drift is missing some of what made the two original films so appealing. It has some nice action and a pretty solid story but there’s none of the criminal intrigue and espionage that 1 and 2 used as their launching pad for racing. Tokyo Drift is straight up racing. There’s no Japanese drug cartel or cock-fighting rings that need to be exposed and shut down. It’s just an outcast in a strange land that wants to drive fast.

I debated if that was a good or bad thing. It would have been hands down positive if they had pushed the envelope with the racing. There are a couple of nice crashes but nothing amazing. Nothing like Vin Diesel‘s car narrowly escaping a fright train only to crash into a Mack truck. Nothing like an unsuspecting goon being ejected out of the passenger’s seat of a moving car. Just a couple of wide turns gone wrong.

The acting is not nearly as bad as I expected. In the commercials, the lead Lucas Black seems like a country bumpkin that would soon as say “I don’t want your life” Varsity Blues style as he could make a left turn. But he was perfectly suited fpr the role and easy to watch. He’s as good as Paul Walker was in the previous two films. Or any of his films for that matter.

Bow Wow was kind of an odd duck here. He’s sort of this generic sidekick. Sort of like Irv in the comics, which surprised me because in my mind Bow Wow has already proven himself. Scoff all you like but Like Mike and Roll Bounce are remarkably strong films and Bow Wow is fantastic in them. It was weird to see him take a Ja Rule-esque back seat to the real story. There’s even a scene where he gets beaten up. If I were as big as Bow Wow, I would have a “No Ass Kicked” clause in all my contracts.

Other than those two the only real stand out performers are the hot Asian schoolgirls. They’re everywhere! And in my drunken stooper I leaned back, thought of my Korean beauty waiting for me at home, and smiled.

Ok, the best part of the movie comes after all the action, and this most amazing scene was ruined for me by a silly, nothing, television spot that gave away the big secret and tore out my dreams. When it happened in the film I still screamed and clapped and high-fived Irv with all the excitement of a child on the last day of school, but I know deep down that it would have been a most excellent experience had I not known it was coming.

So I’m telling you now – if you have liked at all any of the Fast and the Furious films and the worlds they’ve created, don’t waste any time. See the movie. More importantly DO NOT WATCH THE COMMERCIALS! Have some faith and just see it. You could spend 10 bucks on worse.

Rating: 7 out of 10

I’m going to 7 because I’m impressed on how well it held together. Could have gone higher if there was some more dynamic action, but that’s neither here nor there. Honestly though it gets something like 2 points for the last scene. I’m still reeling from that. I’m still reeling form the jack and Coke I had 4 hours ago though, so what do I know.

DVD Worthy?:

Meeeeeeeeeehhh… Maybe. I thought it was a pretty well put together movie, but I feel like the action wasn’t strong enough to make me want to watch it over and over again. Good story, good characters, not enough drifting. Weird, huh?

If You liked this movie check out: Fast and the Furious

This third installment is pretty strong but the first is by far the best. The story structure and action is all top notch. I love it to death. Watching the original will make its sequels look like sad pretenders to the throne.

Vote incentive:

Today’s incentive is a drawing of Yeo as one of those sexy race girls that drops the scarf to start the race. Originally the comic was going to be Irv and me facing off in cars with Yeo being the race girl, but I didn’t think the punch lie was funny enough. Anyway, vote to see that image. It’s pretty cool.

And don’t forget about the new incentive event – The Different Faces of Jesus. No new image today, but if you missed yesterday’s image of Jesus as an alien you can check it out over at Top Web Comics. Thanks!

Non Movie Related Stuff.

I had put up a sneak peek of the Nacho Libre comic at Clickwheel yesterday fully expecting to see the midnight screening tonight, but then got these free tickets for Tokyo drift and had to get that together quickly. But if you haven’t seen the Nacho stripo yet, check it out.

That’s it for today. See you guys soon.

Live Journal/Myspace/Rotten Tomatoes/Buzz Comix/Top Web Comics/Comics on the Ipod/The Webcomics List/Online Comics/Wikipedia/Comixpedia/JLCM Map!

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Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V

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