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Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.

Jet Li is Fearless

Released: 09/22/06

Viewed: 7:10 pm 09/22/06

Starring: Jet Li, Shido Makamura, Betty Sun, Yong Dong, Hee Ching Paw, Nathan Jones

Directed by: Ronny Yu

Official Site of the Movie

Tournament fighting, patriotism, drunken parties… all based on a true story? Nope, this isn’t the bio-pic of a young, bare-knuckled Ben Franklin defending liberty on the mean streets of Philly, it’s a loose interpretation of the life of Huo Yuanjia. Yuanjia was a Chinese martial artist who rose up to defend his country against the threat of the Western invasion. That makes it sound a little more dramatic than it actually was. The implications were less on a world war level and more on par with an underground cock fighting syndicate. Maybe somewhere in between the two. Certainly a well organized, highly profitable, human cock fighting syndicate.

Jet Li stars as Huo and brings a lot of authority not only to his tri-chuck abilities, but also the personal struggle that motivates the film. Huo begins the film as a cocky undefeated champion, but after a personal tragedy he’s forced to revaluate his priorities and start over. It’s a “life lesson” movie, except with nuncucks! Li pulling off the role of the stoic warrior is no real surprise but I found his performance of the darker side of this character to be very convincing.

Because of its star and because of its premise, the main draw of Fearless is not going to be its historical accuracies or its dramatic performances. People are going to see this movie to watch people get hurt!

The good news is that they don’t hold back and they don’t waste any time getting to it. Right off the bat you get a visual treat of Huo brilliantly laying into three different adversaries in three different types of battle. He is quickly established as a true champion of all forms of combat. From here they slow things down to flashback to Huo’s childhood and tell the story of his rise to power. It’s a well told story about the arrogance that comes with natural skill and the consequences of that. It’s all lightly peppered with slick and inventive action. But as striking as every battle was I found myself leaving the theater wanting more.

The grand finale better serves the majestic emotional ending that makes a movie like this complete, and does less for the viewers that desperately want someone to have their head kicked in. It’s plenty tense and plenty dramatic like any ultimate battle should be…. But I wanted more.

It’s not to say that the majority wasn’t fantastic. One of the better fights includes actor Nathan Jones that in the past month has appeared in Fearless and Tony Jaa’s The Protector playing basically the same character. He’s the giant white guy that can throw around the main character at will. In the two films he’s got probably a total of 20 minutes of screen time and 5 lines. Not exactly notable numbers but his intense sparing and sheer size will have you wishing the casting agents on X-Men 3 had Nathan ready to ready for the role of the Juggernaut. I love Vinnie Jones, but the part was wasted, and Nathan Jones has proven he can take nothing and make you remember him, even if he has to throw a small Asian man at you to do it.

None of the fighting would work though if it weren’t for Li. After all these years he’s still one of the most skilled martial artists to ever appear on screen. It’s interesting to see his career versus someone like Jackie Chan that is equally talented physically but somehow has a much larger appeal. I think Jackie is able to get away with humor in places that Li is not and humor broadens the appeal of the film which equates to a larger audience and a larger box office. At the same time, I’m not sure Jackie could pull of a film with the same sort of epic importance as someone like Li or even Chow Yun-Fat. Yun-Fat will act circles around the bunch and Jackie Chan will beat you up with a folding ladder, but no one can kick you in the face like Jet Li can. Still, the biggest surprise to me was that Jet Li can actually act! I've enjoyed him in his American releases like Romeo Must Die, and The One but have always felt that there was a barrier. The guy can move like no one's business but I'd be lying to myself if I said I wasn't distracted by his trouble speaking English. In 2005’s Unleashed, Li showed a lot of promise in his skills as an actor in terms of expression, but the heavy accent was still an issue. As strong as his performance was in Unleashed, it didn't properly prepare me for the kind of performance he was able to give when speaking in his native language. (I haven't seen Hero (or any of the Chinese classics that made Hollywood take notice in the first place) which I assume, like Fearless, are in Chinese. Those I'd imagine would have been a better indicator to me of his abilities.)

For half of the film Li is the same character we're used to. Stone faced, almost emotionless in a ruthless bad ass sort of way, but in the other half we're treated to something completely different. He's playful and arrogant complete with natural emotion and reaction that I was convinced he wasn’t capable of. Obviously it's going to be easier to be more natural in your first language. I can't imagine what Morgan Freeman would be like in a Chinese movie. Actually, the guy is a total pro; he would most likely nail it. But there's naturally going to be some ground to overcome when you perform in a foreign tongue. It was nice to see Li on his “home turf”. It was like I was seeing him as an actor for the first time.

Fearless has been highly publicized as the last Kung-fu film of Jet Li’s career. Some people are obviously going to be bothered by this but the guy has given us plenty of great Kung-fu over the last couple of decades and more importantly – he has more to offer the film industry. Few people have the physical abilities that Li has, why not take them and see what he can do in a different setting. Kung-fu is great, but I’m ready to see Li tell a new kind of story with his feet.

Even if he is saying goodbye to kung-fu at least he left it in style. And don’t worry, I’m sure he’ll be kicking someone’s head in by the end of summer 2007. He just won’t be doing it with a sash or a dangerously long braided ponytail.

Rating: 7 out of 10

A really beautifully told story that wastes no time and delivers a lot of action that will take your breath away. It’s always nice when a message can come across clearly without being too forceful. The special bonus of all the old school fighting didn’t hurt ether.

DVD Worthy?:

Possibly… I’m not usually one for a Kung-Fu movie but the rumor is there’s a ton of extra character development and fighting that found it’s way to the cutting room floor. If the DVD featured a good amount of deleted scenes and maybe a documentary on the choreographing of the battles, I’d be very interested.

If anything, Fearless is certainly worth rewatching on the small screen. Some of the action is too big and too fast for the human eye to properly take in on a jumbo screen. My 37 inch set is dying to point out some of the finer moves of those beautiful battles.

Recommendation –

It’s hard to recommend another movie that captures the time period, the internal struggle and most of all the Kung-fu. Like I said earlier, I’m no expert in Kung-fu film history so if I followed my instincts and recommended The Matrix I’m sure I would get more than a few “Whoa”’s. So I’m going to recommend based on something else. In some of the wider shots of the city I was reminded very much of Gangs of New York. In terms of scenery, Gangs boasts the same classic feel in the time period. The characters and the backgrounds had a sense of familiarity and authenticity even if though these two films take place half a world away from each other.

Both are stories routed in tragedy and each offers a different reaction and a different path from the lead characters. In my opinion Gangs gets a little complicated. I love the performances and I love the relationship between Leo’s character and his target Amsterdam, but the love story with Diaz slowed things down and does little but to provide our hero with something else to fight for in the finale. Still, Gangs of New York is a beautiful looking film with a complete and forceful story. It’s a good example of how well Martin Scorsese still works after such an accomplished career, but I’d recommend next months The Departed over Gangs any day of the week.

Trailer Hitch: Too Late

I was running late, missed all the trailers and nearly missed the beginning of the actual film. I’m down in Virginia for the weekend and I got totally turned around looking for the theater. As I bought my ticket I checked the time and it was 2:32 for a film advertised to start at 2:25. I figured I had more than enough time what with the obnoxious amount and length of trailers these days. As I walked into the theater I was like, “Crap! Do I hear Asian flutes!?”

The movie had started but luckily there was a brief text introduction on the history of the character. I had done my homework so I half read through the introduction and half stumbled around in the dark looking for a place to sit. So I missed the classy introduction but was seated comfortably with clean glasses and a full soda all in time for the action.

Non Movie Related Stuff.

Yesterday I stumbled upon a pod cast over at Digital Strips with the subject of “Joe Loves Crappy Movies”. I was obviously pissed that someone had stolen my comic name because there’s no way they’d actually be talking about me. To my surprise… they actually were. Ds and The Geek have a nice little back and forth pointing out their likes and dislikes of Joe Loves Crappy Movies. For me it was an exhilarating and informative experience just hearing them take a real look at something I’d pout so much effort into.

They had a lot of nice things to say and plenty of constructive criticism about both the comic and the reviews. As much as I loved what they had to say part of me wishes I could have commented myself on their thoughts. The majority of the negative critiques were valid, but there were one or two that I would have loved the opportunity to defend. Not so much because I’m defensive (well, maybe a little) but more because it just sounded like they were having a good time chatting about comics and movies. Thos are a couple of my favorite subjects, in case you couldn’t tell, and I certainly have an opinion on them. Overall though the pod cast sent me home from work with a positive creative energy towards making the strip better. I’m extremely grateful for that.

Thanks again to the guys at Digital Strips for taking the time to talk about and plug JLCM. Next time send me an e-mail! I found the pod cast by accident and luckily it was only a couple of days old. I would have plugged the hell out of it on the 19th had I known. It’s a lesson to check Digital Strips every day.

Live Journal/Myspace/Rotten Tomatoes/Buzz Comix/Top Web Comics/Comics on the Ipod/The Webcomics List/Online Comics/Wikipedia/Comixpedia/JLCM Map!

Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V