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Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.


Released: 10/27/06

Viewed: 11:59 pm 10/26/06

Starring: Tobin Bell, Shawnee Smith, Angus Mcfadyen, Bahar Soomekh, Dina Meyer, J. LaRose

Directed by: Darren Lynn Bousman

Lions Gate Films Official Site of the Movie

When last we saw Detective Eric Matthews (Donnie Wahlberg) he was chained in the basement with a corpse and a sawed off foot. Want to know how he got out? I didn’t think I did either, but be ready to get the full story in an opening scene that will make you squirm, gasp, and say, “Wow, that guy in the first movie was a real dumbass.” Saw 3 could easily have been a random sequel with the same baddies doing worse things on stupider people, but the fact that they take the time to reference the past movies creates a connection that makes the whole franchise so much fun. It unifies them as a group and really makes you appreciate the big picture… even if the smaller pieces are less than stellar.

Saw 3 has some flaws and as much as I wanted to run home from this midnight screening to report how dreadful it was, as I did last year with Saw 2, I’ve got to admit – it wasn’t bad.

I really like the original Saw. I thought the scenario of two men trapped in a room solving puzzles to escape was a great, simple, new take on horror, and a more than acceptable response to a low budge. Its sequel was sloppy seconds by comparison, and a disappointment to where things could have gone. Saw 3 I think marks the first time I’ve reviewed two movies in the same franchise through JLCM. Kind of cool. You have to remember that JLCM isn’t even 2 years old so I’ve missed out on reviewing franchises like The Matrix and The Lord of the Rings, but I’ve got Saw 3 and Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer to help balance that out. Balance… out… Good God, what’s happened to the current state of film?

Saw 3 has had great promotion campaign because it’s the sort of thing where people are aware of it being out, but without doing excessive research people really don’t know what it is about. I was perfectly ok with that because it just means that the whole thing will be a surprise. But can advertising like that backfire? Is this franchise really such a dynamo at the box office that they can sell it with a just a title and a puppet?

There certainly aren’t any big names in it, unless you count returning villains Tobin Bell and Shawnee Smith, who as judgmental game players trap and torture their victims to teach them what bad people they are. The traps definitely won’t let you down. There are plenty of jars of acid and bone-twisting clamps to keep you cringing in your chair. It’s starts off so strong with a couple of quick callbacks to the ending of the second film, and before you know it they’ve tied up any loose ends and eased in some new characters to mess with. As Jigsaw, Saw 3 gives Bell the greatest chance to be mysteriously cool as the brain cancer, that’s plagued him for three movies now, simply refuses to kill him. Though the second film teased that Smith might be taking up the reigns as the new Jigsaw, it’s hard to imagine anyone else in the role.

Jigsaw’s new game focuses on a man trying to overcome his rage after the death of his son. It creates a great opportunity to introduce the character in a slew of dangerous situations and slowly unravel the back-story leading up to the big conclusion. A huge departure from Saw 2, which seemed to be all conclusions and no build-up. It’s the story of Saw 3 that was the best surprise because in this man’s journey as well as what Jigsaw and his hostage have going on in the main base (no spoilers!) creates a strong core of content. But with all the build up, they sort of lost the audience.

This theater was packed! Midnight screening opening night will often bring out the hardcore fans but rarely does it fill up a theater in Astoria, Queens. But the crowd was all about this movie… for about 15 minutes. Saw 3 gets hung up on morality and life and death situations. Interesting storytelling but not for a bunch of drunk college students that are literally ready for blood. It needed more humor, or something to connect with the crowd, to get them cheering or at least recoiling in horror. A few strong attempts are made but they rarely last long. Saw 3 has a lot of good things going on, but it’s not the popcorn slasher movie a lot of people are expecting.

What Saw 3 does quite well is take you back through the franchise. Both of its predecessors are referenced and revisited, and those moments are thrilling. Because you’ve been there. You’ve seen that stage before, but never in these circumstances of these flashbacks that offer you new insight on the full story of these characters. All leading up to its grand finale.

That finale is more good than grand, but the shock that’s meant to be the one to bring down the house is far too easy to guess. I can’t tell if they weren’t being subtle enough with their clues, or if they didn’t offer enough distractions, or maybe since The Prestige I’m on guard for the big surprise, but it was all laid out for the world to see. What Saw 2 did great was keep the surprises coming at the end. That movie ends for like half an hour and once you think you’ve figured it out there’s another surprise waiting for you around the corner. Saw 3 definitely has a few tricks up its sleeve but don’t hold your breath waiting for the Kool-Aid man to bust down the wall or anything. That would have been awesome though.

Saw 3 is a strong, yet predictable finish to a trilogy that had its ups and downs, but held together rather well and impressed me as a set. How can they screw it up now? With Saw 4 of course, coming to theaters next Halloween! Probably. Would they really quadruple dip into the well of good fortune? I don’t see why not, even if this third movie leaves less of an opening for a follow up than the last two did. Truth is I’d love to see Saw 4. Morally I have all kinds of problems with ruining a good concept with rushed unsubstantial moneymakers, but damn if I’m not a sucker for saws and hidden keys.

Rating: 7 out of 10

I was kind of bummed out that the ending was as clear as it was but I really enjoyed how this film was done. Good pacing, good story, and just enough callbacks to the last films to keep me interested in the big picture. Saw 3 had “huge disaster” written all over it, but if the franchise impresses me this much on it’s next outing I might have to change the comic name to “Joe Loves Huge Disasters too”.

DVD Worthy?:

You know I wouldn’t have thought so but this movie has got me so excited about the Saw films as a trilogy that I’m considering getting the second one. And that movie blows. Seriously, Saw 3 got me really excited to go back and watch the first two films so it’s not unthinkable I won’t want to watch all three in the future. But are they worth owning? … If the price is right I guess?

Recommendation: Saw 1 and Saw 2

This third movie really brings a lot of what happened in the first movies together and if anything, seeing glimpses of those movies tonight only makes me want to go back and examine the originals. This isn’t exactly Star wars when it comes to trilogies, but it does hold together better than Episodes I, II, and III.

Trailer Hitch: Hostel 2

It was just a teaser trailer but the crowd had a strong reaction to the mention of Hostel 2. Eli Roth’s super gruesome, sexually charged film about three young travelers falling into the tourist trap to end all tourist traps, kicked off 2006 in style. An eye-gouging standard was set and few films have come close to it since. All I know is that Hostel 2 follows three girls instead of three guys. Will it be as bloody as the original? That’s a safe bet but for some reason I’ll bet there will be less boobies. That doesn’t even make sense

Outside the Theater:

Well, apparently I’m not noteworthy enough for Wikipedia as the JLCM wiki entry has been nominated for deletion. I’m not really upset about it but I am a little bummed out. Some fans really took hold of it and made it a nice little informative spot for the strip. But apparently I’m not popular enough to be mentioned. I’ll just be over here in the corner weeping uncontrollably.

Just kidding. If it has to go, it has to go. It’s just an incentive for me to work hard so that some Internet encyclopedia will think I’m worth commenting on… I guess? See you soon guys. How awesome does Catch a Fire look?

Live Journal/Myspace/Rotten Tomatoes/Buzz Comix/Top Web Comics/Comics on the Ipod/The Webcomics List/Online Comics/Wikipedia/Comixpedia/JLCM Map!

Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V