Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.
Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.
With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.
Spiderman 3: Trailer
Today’s comic was inspired less by the brand new Spiderman 3 trailer (opening today before Casino Royale), and more by this poster here on the right. As Peter takes on the costume his darker side comes out, and it’s natural that they would physically change the character as well as emotionally. That includes darker clothes (not just costume, check out that drab jacket. So dapper.) and darker hair. Actually a pretty smart move to speed along the characters transition, but this poster stuck out like a sore thumb to me. It instantly lead me down to the idea that Spidey was going Goth, and from there, the joke just writes itself.
I may be blowing it out of proportion a little. I trust director Sam Raimi and actor Tobey Maguire to be less obvious with their choices. But someone in the marketing division loves that new My Chemical Romance album.
The trailer itself is stunning. Beautiful action, lots of drama and possibly the strongest visuals of the series so far. Peter and Mary Jane on the giant web is corny as hell to the cynic in me, but the comic nerd in me peed my pants a little when I saw it.
This new look gives the impression that Spiderman 3, like the 2 before it, is taking some liberties with the history of its characters. Little things like Eddie Brock being a rival photographer instead of a writer is inconsequential in the long run, and things like organic web shooters that set fans into a frenzy in 2002 will look just as meaningless next to The Sandman being named as uncle Ben’s real killer. My first reaction was to cry nerd-blasphemy. You just don’t mess with the origin of a character when it’s this strong. Ben’s killer being a faceless nobody is important. And has been important for 50 years.
After having a week to think about it though, it bothers me less and less. I mean, yes, they’re exploiting the situation a little in order to bring more tension to this third film, but that’s not such a bad thing. The mythology of Spiderman is a long and complicated one. If they have to bend a few rules to connect the dots in the limited time they have, then so be it. As a fan I’d prefer that they didn’t take too many liberties, but as long as the movie is strong, why should I be bothered?
And it looks ridiculously awesome! I’ve spent the past couple days going through the Sandman clips in slow motion, hoping to God that they will miraculously revert to the full scenes and I can get a real idea of how these seemingly beautiful action sequences will look in full. It’s perfect use of technology and character that should blow us all away this summer, and I like him as the lead villain. There’s been so much talk about Venom for this movie that for some reason I assumed he would be the baddie to watch out for. It would seem he’s more of a plot element for the character and possibly a set up for a 4th film. Hopefully.
Everyone involved has been saying “3 films” all along but they can’t end things here and not have Spiderman face off against Venom. It’s the kind of tease that would destroy the franchise… unless that’s what they were trying to do all along. Those diabolical bastards! Seriously, either they’re setting up the 4th movie or they’re holding back on the footage of Venom in all his toothy glory. Either’s fine with me. As long as they fight eventually and it’s not treated as an afterthought.
We’ll have wait until June 4th, 2007 to know for sure but I have faith. The folks behind this franchise have been good to us. Better than any folks have ever been to any franchise, I’d wager to say. Though Superman was on track after the second film, and Batman wasn’t a complete mess either until the third. Crap, Blade died at 3 too.
Hope you guys like this special non-review edition. Sometimes the biggest news in the industry is the stuff that won’t be happening for another 6 months. With all the buzz and Internet chatter the jokes just creep into my head and it’s better to let them out now when at least I think they’re still funny.
Outside the Theater:
Now, a convention tale of woe. Tom Brazelton from Theater Hopper made a trip down south last week to attend the annual Wizard World Texas show. The first day of the con he woke to find that his card had been broken into and robbed. Merchandising, promotional goodies, and gaming products – gone. Go here to read the story from the man himself.
It’s something you hate to hear happen at one of these shows. So many of the people in artist alley are struggling artists passionate about comics and telling a story. To see something like this go down just breaks your heart. And makes you completely paranoid! There’s more than one reason I have Texas crossed out on my Big Board of Doom.
But it does suck. Show Tom some love and check out his two printed collections. Tons of entertainment for your dollar, and security in knowing that your money is going to support small press comics. Do the right thing.
That’s it for now, but this weekend is going to be awesome. Bob Odenkirk’s (Mr. Show) new feature Let’s go to Prison comes out, crappy animated Penguins FINALLY show up after a year of promotional terror, and can anyone say… BOND!? New comic on Sunday when I’ve recovered form our Digital Pimp Bond get together where we’ll be watching Casino Royale, the old Casino Royale, and another Bond classic to be determined then. See you then!
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Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - The Introduction
Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.
First Appearance - Fever Pitch
Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior
Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.
First Appearance - V for Vendetta
Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison
Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.
First Appearance - 300
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe
Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.
First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet
Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.
First Appearance - Four Brothers
Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.
First Appearance - Ultraviolet
Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.
First Appearance - The Producers
Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!
Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?
First Appearance - Saw IV
Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V