Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.
Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.
With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.
Viewed: 7:25 pm 11/17/06
Starring: Denzel Washington, Paula Patton, Val Kilmer, James Caviezel, Adam Goldberg, Bruce Greenwwod
Directed by: Tony Scott
Tuchstone Pictures - Official Site of the Movie
About the Comic:
This is a cute joke. A safe one that is plain enough for all ages to enjoy but no ages to actually laugh out loud at. Every few months I take notice of how violent and filthy JLCM is on a regular basis and I feel a need to tone it back some. This comic is the current answer to that overabundance of the normal lowbrow standard.
I like the joke enough but at the same time realize just how safe it is. And that does bother me. After watching Let’s Go To Prison and seeing how they barely took any chances with such a taboo subject, it occurred to me that if I don’t push the envelope as far as I can than there’s no point in doing this at all. There’s no room to grow, no room to get better, funnier, much less individualize myself as a comic worth reading. So expect a safe joke every now and then, but rest assure that I’ll be talking about boobs again within the week.
How many reviews for this movie are going to start with a definition of what Déjà vu means? Are there really that many people that aren’t aware of the concept? Am I the only one that saw The Matrix? Well, this review isn’t going to be any different, because I’m telling you that déjà vu is the sensation of having experienced something you have before. A fascinating concept that you won’t need to grasp at all in order to enjoy this movie. Because technically, no one experiences déjà vu in this film. Or did they…. (DUN DUN DUNNNNN)
No, they didn’t. And it’s one of those little things that bothered me enough to mention even though, in the long run, it doesn’t take too much away from this great time travel adventure. It’s just a title meant to mess with your head, or possibly help sell more Beyonce albums. Either way, it works. This slick flick takes some familiar concepts addressed in time travel films of the past, and looks at them from a new perspective. Literally.
While investigating a terrorist ferry explosion in the rivers of New Orleans, Doug Carlin (Denzel Washington) is introduced to a brand new technology that allows people in the present to observe the past. The only limitation being that they can only look back exactly 4 days and 6 hours. No fast forwarding, no rewinding, but plenty of awkward voyeurism.
It’s such a great concept that introduces a whole new angle on the murder mystery and following the clues to investigate the disaster. Other limitations in the technology force Denzel and crew (including Val Kilmer, Adam Goldberg, Erica Alexander and Elden Henson as one of the most entertaining group of nerds of screen since Lambda Lambda Lambda met Omega Mu) to be creative, push the boundaries, and get dangerous.
Enter the master of the stylized explosion, Mr. Tony Scott. No one flips a car over with more finesse and Déjà vu is no exception. The technology introduces a car chase that takes place in two periods of time. It’s as mid-boggling as it is exhilarating. While wearing a goggle over one eye that allows him to pear into the past, Washington catches a glimpse of his target 4 days ago while narrowly avoiding an oncoming collision in the present. It’s one of the most intensely played and intelligently assembled sequences of the year.
The oddest thing about it though is how they were able to convince Washington to do it. He’s got Oscar’s right? There must have been some hesitation when the props department drove up in a Hummer equipped with enough bells and whistles to look like Ecto One if the Ghostbusters had government funding. Some bells and whistles of his own must have been going off in Washington’s head that day. As silly as some of the equipment may look the scene played out fantastic and Denzel has the cheekbones to make that goofy ass head set work.
Washington’s character isn’t much to speak of. He’s heroic and noble, but far more undefined than anything he’s done in the past 10 years. He’s a hero and that’s where it ends. Technically there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s enough to keep the movie rolling, but in Washington’s last collaboration with Scott, 2004’s Man on Fire, the two were able to create the same high level of action and excitement while still developing a truly tortured character. I was hoping for a little déjà vu in that respect with this movie. That said, even though his background is as complex as a ham sandwich, Washington is still a lot of fun to watch. He’s charismatic and instantly relatable and the sort of actor you could watch all day, even in such an ill-defined role.
The peach of a part goes to James Caviezel who crackles with crazy and shows completely different skills in the few scenes he has. Without giving away the details of the plot, it’s important for Caviezel’s character to remain mysterious and not be on screen too long. Soak it up when you can get a good look at him because of all the people that you’ll see on screen in this movie, he’s the one that’s clearly having the most fun.
While I enjoyed the bulk of the movie, especially the conceptual time travel elements, the action was a little sparse and the movie does have its slow moments. Something I wouldn’t expect from a film that gives itself such a tight time frame of events. But sure enough as the clock is ticking down Denzel suggest heading back to a woman’s apartment to freshen up. Now listen here. I want Big D to get funky as much as the next guy, especially with a looker like Paula Patton, but taking your shirt off in front of the girl young enough to be your daughter is something that could probably wait until after you save the day. Or at least just make it quick. You’re Denzel after all. Just work those cheekbones, and she’ll be yours before you can say, “I was the black guy on St. Elsewhere.”
Rating: 6.5 out of 10
Not the strongest work from Washington or Scott, much less the team-up of the two, but Déjà vu is filled with enough great ideas, enough fast talking characters, and enough big booms to make it worth the night on the town.
Not for me. I love Tony Scott’s style, but it was a little too slow paced and light in the action this time around. Worth a rental down the line though if only to revisit some of the cooler ideas of this time crossed mystery.
Déjà vu obeys the rules of time that the Terminator
franchise defined over 20 years ago. It’s definitely a film done in the same spirit but with it’s own twist. The Terminator films are great ones to draw inspiration from but Déjà vu falls short of capturing the same magic. It’s amazing how much magic a metal robot can bring to a film.
Trailer Hitch: Wild Hogs
This year’s answer to the midlife crisis comes in the form of the oddest ensemble of actors I’ve seen gathering together to wish they were younger in unison. Wild Hogs
stars John Travolta
, Tim Allen
, Martin Lawrence
, and William H. Macy
as four friends that put their lives on hold, get themselves some motorcycles and hit the open road in search of adventure.
Not the worst set-up I’ve ever heard, but it’s a good thing it doesn’t come out until the first week of March because it’s going to take me at least that long to logically justify this cast. How was this movie brought to them? Why do this movie at this point in their careers? Who blackmailed them into it?
It’s fun to joke around but the truth is, I love these four actors so even if the film is slightly out of my age range, I’ll be there opening night, hoping and praying that it’s halfway decent. Until I’m proven wrong though, I’ll try and come to grips with Vincent Vega’s cool officially dying on March 2nd.
Outside the Theater:
Happy Thanksgiving everybody! It’s a huge movie weekend full of tons of quality stuff for the movie geeks like me. Besides Déjà vu, you’ve got movies like Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny and The Fountain which should have us all conflicted about how we should be spending our Saturday afternoon. Not to mention quality films like Casino Royale and Stranger Than Fiction which have barely had time to breath let alone be seen.
The weekend historically belongs to families though, so expect Happy Feet, Deck the Balls (spelled wrong intentionally because I’m already sick of holiday films and it’s not even December) and The Santa Clause 3 to have a strong showing. Bobby< hits theaters on Thursday as well, and even though it has a universal appeal, I think it will struggle to find it’s audience. I suspect the greatest generation is still distracted by the sleek but still classy, brand new Bond.
Whatever you see just have fun! And remember that time with the family, even in the dark watching some crappy kids movie, is still the most important thing to be thankful for. Except pie. Pie then family. Then pie again.
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Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - The Introduction
Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.
First Appearance - Fever Pitch
Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior
Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.
First Appearance - V for Vendetta
Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison
Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.
First Appearance - 300
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe
Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.
First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet
Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.
First Appearance - Four Brothers
Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.
First Appearance - Ultraviolet
Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.
First Appearance - The Producers
Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!
Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?
First Appearance - Saw IV
Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V