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Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.

The Good Shepherd

Released: 12/22/06

Viewed: 7:15 pm 12/23/06

Starring: Matt Damon, Angelina Jolie, Alec Baldwin, Billy Crudup, Robert De Niro, Michael Gambon, William Hurt, Joe Pesci

Directed by: Robert De Niro

Universal - Official Site of the Movie

Matt Damon is in a fantastic position right now. He was doing fine on his own with smart dramas, the occasional dumb comedy, and the one of the best thinking man’s action franchises out right now, but a couple years ago he made the connections that all young actors have wet dreams about. First he makes nice with Clooney and Soderbergh landing roles in the high profile Ocean’s 11 series as well as a plum part in last years politically charged drama Syriana. Getting in bed with two of this generations smartest and most influential filmmakers was a good move, but wiggling into the world of Scorsese was a blessing from God.

Lead roles in The Departed and The Good Shepherd, and performing brilliantly in both, solidifies Damon as a serious actor worth keeping your eye on. He’s got powerful friends and he’s now in a position to do some really great work. Thank God he can actually act.

In Shepherd Damon plays Edward Wilson, a man that stumbles into a job at the Office of Strategic Services (OSS, the company that would evolve into the Central Intelligence Agency). Raising fast though the ranks Wilson becomes a powerful and influential player in the organization. Now, if Spiderman teaches us anything it’s that, with great power comes great responsibility, and because of the position he’s elevated to Wilson finds himself having to choose between the country he loves and the family he supposed to love a little bit more than he does.

Wilson is cold and wooden, and on a lesser actor I would have quickly labeled him Mr. Roboto, but behind Damon’s eyes you can see the wheels turning. You see the eyes of a man that thinks before he acts. The eyes of a man that could orchestrate and win a war without throwing a single punch. And in a lot of ways that’s what this movie is. It’s Cloak and Dagger espionage told from the perspective of the guys that think it up. Sounds a little sleepy on the surface but I promise it’s as gripping and exciting as any movie where Tom Cruise grits his teeth and blows stuff up.

I was really unprepared for what the movie was really about though. It’s being billed as the birth of the CIA, and in a way it is, but more so it’s a specific story of the emotional crippling of the man that would be the brains behind the agency. It’s the story of what someone has to go through before they can think like a machine. I was looking for a spy story over one man’s journey, but they tie together nicely.

De Niro only directs a movie once a decade, but he shows that he’s still got the sensibilities and instincts to tell a truly compelling story. Impressive considering Shepherd’s dual plots that jump through different time periods. But it does get off to a rocky start. The pacing is brisk and they hit the ground running with little warning. In the first few minutes they cycle through what felt like a dozen scenes and I had barely had a chance to open my milk duds before I was supposed to be up to speed with a plot that was leaving me in the dust. Thankfully, as soon as they flashback to Wilson’s life before he became an agent, it’s easy to catch up. Isn’t that weird – that a story is easier to follow once they start telling it from the beginning. Huh?! Who’d of thunk it? Anyway… De Niro clearly has a grasp on telling a tale, but where the film falters, in its supporting cast, I’m not sure if it’s warranted but my instinct is to point the finger at the director.

The supporting actors are not bad. Far from it, in fact. They’re just never given a chance to standout. And it’s a list of extremely talented people that should be taking turns as your favorite part of the film. I mean, Alec Baldwin, Billy Crudup, William Hurt, even De Niro himself who plays a small part as the General that instructs Wilson at OSS, their presence on screen barely registers. At least not at the level it should be.

Look at a film like The Departed, an unfair comparison in terms of measuring De Niro against Scorsese, but thematically it’s a fit. You follow the story with Damon and DeCaprio but every time Baldwin shows up - he commands your attention with his performance. Same for Wahlberg, Nicholson, and even Sheen. It’s a thick complicated story filled with a dozen performances that won’t let you lose interest even if you wanted to.

Like I said, the performances in Shepherd are far from bad, but there are no standouts. Maybe Gambon in one scene or Eddie Raymond (who plays Wilson’s son) in another, but beyond that it’s just a string of characters delivering exposition. You’ll walk out of the therater not thinking about any particular parts, but rather the movie’s story as a whole. The story stands out, but not the performances. I suppose that’s better in the long run, the story is what’s more important, but with a cast list like this I was really looking forward to a hard-nosed, all or nothing, act ‘til you bleed movie. But something wasn’t there.

So why am I blaming the director? I don’t know. While the story worked fine I wasn’t moved one way or the other by any one performance. Maybe there was too much story to tell, maybe it was rushed, but something was off. Even in the most complicated of stories, enough time should be made for strong performances. It was great to see Joe Pesci again though, even if it was for only a couple minutes. Can you believe his last movie was Lethal Weapon 4?

I enjoyed the dynamic between Damon and Jolie whose marriage was forced together after an unexpected pregnancy. (Don’t be a fool. Wrap your tool.) But I think it presented an interesting situation where these two people that are nothing a like are thrust together and forced to deal with each other even though there’s nothing there beyond honoring a mistake. Of course calling the child a mistake says a lot towards the relationship between father and son in this movie. A relationship as strained and awkward as the one between husband and wife, but at least they have good intensions.

The theme of fathers and sons, which calls back to the slips and failures of Wilson’s own father (briefly shown in a flashback), I saw as one of the more important messages of this story. We’re doomed to be our fathers. Making the same mistakes, behaving in the same way, becoming the same person. No matter what they want for us or what we want for ourselves, we will always be our father’s sons.

I’m not even sure if that was the intended message but it’s something I took away from it. Of course since seeing the film I’ve had a few conversations with people that interpreted basic plot points in the ending of the film very differently from me, but that’s ok. I think leaving some things up in the air, especially in a movie like this, is a good thing. It encourages discussion that will have you analyzing the character’s actions, sacrifices and motivations even more. There’s definitely a certain level of who was responsible for what at the end. If you figure it out, let me know. I’ll let you know what I figured out, and we can argue about who’s wrong.

Rating: 8 out of 10 - Intelligent and well done, not a must see for everyone but it’s a good movie nonetheless. It didn’t deliver the story I expected but I wouldn’t send back what they served up.

There were moments where I was tempted into getting this on DVD but that will fade in the time between now and when it’s released. I’d love to take another look at it though, even more so if there was a nice set of extras comparing this account to the actual the historical events of the CIA’s origins. Are those even public record? When things are routed in history there’s a lot of opportunity to go crazy with the documentaries and featurettes. That would definitely make this movie worth revisiting.

Featuring: Munich - At the close of 2005 Steven Spielberg released Munich. Another wonderfully dark and quiet spy movie grounded by a tragic historical event. I saw it and loved it. It was an unexpected gift hidden just out of site behind the Christmas tree. Or Chanukah bush, as it were.

I regret never reviewing it but I could never think of a comic that would do it justice. It’s Spielberg at the trop of his game spotlighting an incredible performance from Eric Bana who proves he’s more than the set-up man for over budgeted, disappointing comic book and Trojan War epics. It packs slightly more bang than The Good Shepherd but still carries itself with the same strength and dignity. Munich is an important achievement and a must see for serious spy fans and history buffs.

It’s the 10th and I owe you guys a comic and review of Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery. You’ll get it. I have half a day left. Check back late tonight or just click through tomorrow morning. But if you are around tonight be sure to tune into our Weekly Digital Pimpcast over at Talkshoe. We’re having so much fun with the podcast and encourage you guys to call or write in with any questions you might want answered as we discuss our strips.

That’s it for now but later tonight you’ll have that Austin review/comic and brand new top 10 list.

Live Journal/Myspace/Rotten Tomatoes/Buzz Comix/Top Web Comics/Comics on the Ipod/The Webcomics List/Online Comics/Wikipedia/Comixpedia/JLCM Map!

Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V