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Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.

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Episode III: The Dark Side

The Dark Side. A legendary grouping of words that instantly bring up imagery of epic battles between good and evil, corruptive control over the entire galaxy, and Darth Vader - the most bad ass bad guy ever. Period. But it wasn't always that way. As we all witnessed over the course of three films, and 5 years, what has always been our perfect vision of evil is really just a confused young man in love. Evil born from good intensions.

Truthfully the Vader we grew up with was NOT pure evil. At the end of Return of the Jedi father and son come to terms and make peace. His soul rests in peace. It apparently rests in a more youthful form as well? whatever. Still, for all intents and purposes Darth Vader is a fantastic icon for evil.

I had been wondering how Lucas would unravel this transformation from eager young padawan to ruthless tyrant of the empire. It was a long walk to get from point A to point B. Could they really put together a convincing series of events to make us believe that such a drastic change could take place?

What they did was interesting, and over all pretty good, but foolishly rushed. I understand the time constraints, but to have him go from doubtful Jedi to "My new empire?" in the course of a day is a bit much. Granted it was quite a day, but still. I'm getting ahead of myself. The real reason for the change was love. He did it for love. Is there nothing more noble then that?

Some may say it's corny, and I wouldn't blame them. Love was not exactly the strongest emotion expressed in this movie. Every time Anakin and Padme embraced, the theater would erupt with laughter. But ideally it's the best reason to make anyone do anything. Think about it. The person you love, you would do anything for them. Anything to keep them alive. Even kill a bunch of little kids?. (!?) Ok. Maybe not that, but these were different times. Kids were really jerks back then.

I'm glad "love" was the reason that he leans towards the dark side of the force. It ?s believable and it allows the character to retain some dignity and reality. The audience can empathize with his choices. From there, though, it takes a few big leaps. He goes crazy. Talking about overthrowing the emperor, and ruling the empire their way. Where did that even come from? Since seeing the movie I've justified this in my own mind that Anakin was intoxicated by the Dark Side of the force. He had a taste of the advanced powers the Dark Side yields, and it had gone to his head. It's believable, but it just happened too fast. 3 days. That would have worked. Although maybe not. You can't underestimate a confused environment. When the bad stuff goes down all at once people act first and ask questions later. That can have dire consequences. Like ending up naming your kid Luke. (I'm just kidding, Luke is an awesome name. 20 years ago.) So in my mind ? the transition works, but it was as confusing and frantic to the viewer as it was to Anakin. As it should be, I suppose.

While Vader is the biggest figure in the Star Wars rouges gallery, Palpatine really steps up here and makes his presence known. It's tough. We all knew that the Chancellor was the great sith lord. Mostly because we grew up watching his wrinkled ass boss people around a shoot lighting. But even to those who hadn't seen the original trilogy, it's still obvious from episodes 1 and 2. "Oh the Chancellor put on a cloak. Now we're supposed to think he's someone else? I don't get it."

But again we benefit being the audience. The good guys never saw him with the cloak on talking all deep and sexy like. If they had, then this trilogy would have been a lot shorter. What bugs me is Anakin's naivet?. In the first half of Episode III the chancellor could not have been a bigger supporter of the Dark Side. He might as well have been blowing a horn and waving a flag that said "Dark Side!" on it. He was like a college recruiter for DS university. "There's a lot of stuff they can do that a Jedi can't teach you. Power is only limited to how closed minded you are. We've got a great student to teacher ratio." All the while Anakin is completely oblivious. Sure he's got the night tremors and the fact that Mace Windu hates him, constantly in the back of his mind, but come on! Open your eyes. When he finally puts the pieces together you're so happy for him you want to? I don't know. Bake him a cake. Yeah. I wanted to bake him a cake for figuring it out. It's all good. It would have taken me another couple of days to get it I'm sure.

For the most part it could have been handled a lot worse. You get the feeling that they dug themselves a pretty big hole story wise. 25 years ago did Lucas really have this all in mind. I mean the volcano stuff ? sure, but did he really know how Darth Vader became Darth Vader? My guess is no. But the fact that this ultimate bad ass, this figurehead of all things evil was really a guy trying to save his wife and child, is very sweet. You've got to respect love.

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Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V

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pimptour
@pimptour
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16 Dec 2016
Kevin Gleason
@retail_rage
RT @jonahkeri: I'm sure Paul Ryan can find other super nifty ways to make 24 million people suffer and/or die
24 Mar 2017