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Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.

War of the Worlds

Released: 6/29/05

Viewed: 9:30:pm 7/3/05

Starring: Tom Cruise, Dakota Fanning, Tim Robbins, Justin Chatwin

Directed by: Stephen Spieldberg

When Aliens eventually descend upon earth, we won't know why. After they've defeated our armies and populated the earth. The survivors won't know why. When , and if they're defeated, we won't know why. Someone will. And they'll eventually explain it to the rest of us. "The rest of us". The people getting gunned down hiding in our basements. The people fleeing the cities surrounded by thousands of immobile cars. Confused and clueless, desperate to live. That's the perspective of War of the Worlds Honestly I wouldn't have it any other way.

Why make a movie where we know everything, and see how everything unravels exactly as it goes down? Don't explain a movie to us like we're a bunch of 4 year olds. We can grasp the human emotion without seeing Will Smith Fly into the mother ship. Besides we've seen that story. Spieldberg has created a big beautiful masterpiece showing us the true human struggle of the unprepared everyman.

Quickly we are introduced to a small dysfunctional family where absentee father Cruise struggles between trying, and even wanting to try, to understand his estranged children (Fanning and Chatwin.) As his ex-wife (Miranda Otto from the Lord of the Rings) and her new perfect husband/father figure drop off the kids you feel bad, you feel awkward, and you know it's not going to get better. You wonder if Cruise really wants to be a father. He's late, and unprepared. He's kind of a jerk. And at the first sign of trouble ? he shuts off. Not exactly the big Hollywood hero many people will be expecting.

As the family of three flee the city, the true journey of Cruise's character begins. His basic human instinct kick in and he's forced to understand his children, and become a better father. Just so they can survive. He does everything he has to do to ensure his children survive. He steals, lies, and? well how far would you go? But as the movie progresses, we see him really evolve into a father, and separate himself from a spectator to a participator. For a man that spends the movie running and hiding, when he REALLY has to step up to protect his family, he does.

There are several occasions where he's forced to make gut wrenching decisions for the betterment of his family. Which is great to see because while there is plenty of heroism, and good will throughout the movie, we also see the bad side of that human instinct. You quickly see what becomes valuable, and how far people will go to obtain it. Would it be different if our heroes had gone to such outrageous lengths? That's the kind of fine line that is walked by Cruises' character throughout. And for every encounter with "What's best" you go back and forth right along with him.

One of Cruises' shining moments is when the best thing to do is to let go. (I won't say more specifics then that for spoiler's sake.) To watch a father go through the process of making a decisions he knows is wrong, for the sake of letting his child grow, is a?frustrating, mind numbing, emotional explosion. You clench your fists and hope for the best, because you know there's nothing that can be done. (And this is from the perspective of someone watching a giant screen. Imagine the poor bastards living through it.)

The fact that the audience is such a part of the movie is remarkable. There are dozens of moments of genuine terror, fear, and tension. Not like I've felt in the theater in a while. Early on I was thinking: "This is the best Spielberg movie I've ever seen." "This movie is going to get a perfect 10." But realistically, it never had a chance. In a movie like this, it progresses to a point where you wonder how it could possibly be resolved in a manor that would be perfect, and it can't. (I should point out I was not familiar with the way the classic story ends.) No matter what happens there's going to be a let down, because it's too big. If they don't win, then you're disappointed because the bad guys are victorious. If the aliens get killed off then simple logic sinks in and you realize that the humans couldn't possibly have accomplished that. There's no way they could have served up a finale satisfying to everyone.

But it's not what the movie is about. The Aliens are just a spectacular looking backdrop to a story about human behavior, human survival, and family. Technically the movie is spot on. Very real and believable. Brandon who I had seen the movie with pointed out that Spielberg sampled himself. There is a scene where the leads hide from the aliens, and it is almost shot for shot the same as the Raptor/Kitchen hunt scene in Jurassic park. Hey, that was a great scene that played here with the same tension, so I'm not complaining too much, but I can see how it would be disappointing. If only because it's coming from a man that is consistently original. Every movie he provides new ideas presented in new ways. The guy made Jaws, for god's sake. Sure it would probably be better looking now, but? well, you see what I mean.

The camera movement and placement is effortless and natural. You're there, feeling every moment. There's an interesting theme with reflection. We see people obliterated in a rearview mirror, or we see the oncoming invaders descending from above, just made out in a puddle of water. It happens at least a dozen times. There's some safety in witnessing the world through a reflection. It's not real. It's as real as the movie screen is to the viewer. But you still feel the danger. At one point a reflection is actually used as protection, in evading the prey, and that really drives the point home.

There is a scene in the movie as they make their escape through the highways in one of the only working cars. They weave in and out of traffic, Cruise frantically pounding on the horn as the kids desperately try and get information out of him about what exactly is going on. Great dialogue, great acting, a swirling camera spinning all around the van as we see the characters develop right before us. It's the perfect combination of high tech film making with grounded superior storytelling and acting. GREAT scene.

The movie is so good that you know if a no name actor was cast in the lead ? tomorrow he'd be the next "IT" star. Instead that's passed on to Chatwin who is marvelous as mini Cruise. If he plays his cards right, he'll be the male Lindsay Lohan in no time. But I mean that in a good way. Opportunity and payday, not partying and weight loss. I almost wanted a no name in all the parts because, Cruise is so big. He's almost too well known. Same with Robbins. When he's revealed on screen, it's done so in such a manor where you expect a voice over saying "Ladies and Gentlemen? Mr. Tim Robbins." Followed by light applause and the yelps of old housewives that recognize him from the movie about baseball. But honestly they're both so good that you're able to disconnect them from their superstar stature. This is something I've mentioned in past reviews, but it's important. You never want to be distracted.

What can I say about Dakota Fanning? I Like to tease her because she works so much, but damn? she's just good. She's your instant emotional connection in this movie. If it weren't for her you'd be cheering on two jerks that hate each other, and you'd have no reason to continue on. Fanning's the glue.

This movie is HUGE. There's so much here to take in and get emotionally invested in. Don't worry ? you won't cry or anything, but buy extra pop corn to occupy you, because otherwise you'll chew your fingernails right off. There are problems in how things are resolved. It ends too quickly with too many questions. I would have loved a news montage to explain in more detail what happen. No, it's not necessary. Something's are better left to speculate on your own. Like I said originally, the average Joe wouldn't know what was going on. So why should the audience?

There's also one huge misstep. The cynic in me is still super pissed about it. But the rational monster that lives in my brain has simply explained to me that the movie needed it so that the mass public would accept the movie. OH, whatever, the rational monster in me is still pissed too. But whatever?

8 out of 10

Points deducted because of the furiously unraveling ending, and the perfect little bow that the movie has placed on it. But honestly this movie is SO good. Just go see it, DVD worthy?: I would say no, for me. It's just too big. I would never watch it casually. There's too much invested in it. Trailer Hitch

Cameron Crow is one of my favorite creator's working. He writes and directs some of the best "moment of life" movies that have ever existed. He'll take an era of time in someone's life, slice it up, surround it with a story about love, and spit out a movie that everyone can relate to. He is a master of cutting down to the basics of emotion, depicting it with reality, rawness, and complication. And at the same time, you really care about what's going on. How often does that happen in real life? Where real life is actually interesting? Anyway, Crow puts out a movie every few years, and it's always a perfect depiction of a specific struggle at a specific moment in everyone's life.

Elizabethtown is about a man that returns home for his father's funeral. The commercial makes it look like Garden State for the masses. It looks funny, and sweet and as interesting as any Crow film. For me though I'm interested to see the lead, Orlando Bloom acting in a movie that's not epic, or period, or indie. This is a chance for him to do some real world acting that the average man can relate to, without him on a hoarse. I'm curious how he'll do. Should be fun.

If you liked this movie check out : Signs

Another real world perspective of an alien invasion, this one from the mind of M. Night Shyamalan. It's not M. Night's strongest effort, but it's still a great movie. We get the same emotional core that WotW offers, but with more terror and suspense, and less effects.. Those lack of effects lend to the tension. Mainly due to the reveal of the aliens. One of the best "edge of your seat" moments of the last 10 years.

Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V