Go to the first strip Previous Strip   284 of 830   Next StripGo to the most recent strip
Discuss this week's Joe Loves Crappy Movies here!

Go to the first strip Previous Strip   284 of 830   Next StripGo to the most recent strip
Direct link to this strip

Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.

Death Sentence

Starring: Kevin Bacon, Garrett Hedlund, Kelly Preston, Jordan Garrett, Stuart Lafferty, Aisha Tyler, John Goodman

Directed by: James Wan

New Line Cinema

The Official Site of Death Sentence

If a man kills the man that killed is son… is he a hero or a monster? Many of us would have different answers to this question. Some of us would even change our answer from day to day because it’s the kind of question that has no right or wrong answer. With these two extremes we can only speculate what we might do. But the truth is we’d never know until it actually happened to us.

Kevin Bacon’s latest film Death Sentence takes a closer look at the more deadly of these two extremes after a chance encounter with a gang of criminals ends with his character’s son being killed before his eyes. When the justice system fails him Nick Hume (Bacon) takes the law into his own hands striking back against the young gang member who delivered the fatal blow. This begins a vicious circle as the elder, more dangerous members of the gang, target Hume and his family for their own revenge.

Harassment and death threats soon follow and the worse it gets the further Hume travels down an angry path of hate and frustration. A path that changes everything in his life from the way he talks to the way he looks. With a badass patchy buzz cut and bandages-a-plenty, Bacon embraces his darker self and the thirst for revenge that drives him. All the while forgetting that there are still some family members out there worth living for. In spite of the survivors Hume puts on his blinders and foolishly jumps head first into a deadly game of tag with the gang.

This was my major problem with the film. Hume forsakes what he has for what he’s missing, teaching us to obsess on the glass half empty. It would be one thing if he’d hit rock bottom, but the fact that he still has something to return home to frustrated me as I watched him throw it all away. There has to be an ending. There has to be a balancing point or a place to find peace. Otherwise it will never stop. But who’s to say what anyone would do if their son were taken from them? The fact that the movie has us asking those kinds of questions is a triumph. The fact that it glorifies the violent answer is less than praise worthy.

As disgustingly decadent as the violence in this movie is – it’s still a lot of fun to watch. Several action sequences including a sprawling back alley chase and a home invasion scene that will have you triple checking the locks before you turn in for the night, are loud and destructive in the best kind of way. And though the final 20-minutes of rampaging Bacon is excessively violent and somewhat unrealistic, the angry young man in me found it to be an intense fun ride.

That’s the general feeling I had for the action throughout which gets bigger and badder with each progression. But I couldn’t shake the nagging notion that the further he pushed, the more he was giving up. It’s hard to root for a guy that doesn’t see what he has.

Actors like Bacon, Kelly Preston (the wife) and the fiercely entertaining John Goodman (cast here as a greasy gun salesmen) bring a certain level of credibility to this paper-thin story, taking what would normally be flat characters and giving them some much-needed dimension. Without the right people in these parts the flashy shootouts would eclipse the movies true message, and because there’s no substantial growth or development to really focus on besides Bacon’s detachment, we have to believe the raw emotion of these people in the moment that we’re seeing them. A knowing look and a shaky hand from some seasoned pros go a long way here.

As fun as it was to watch Bacon get his hands dirty, the performance that gripped me the most had to be the one from Garrett Hedlund as the leader of this ruthless gang. You might remember Hedlund as the brother no one cares about in 4 Brothers or the poor man’s Han Solo in last years Eragon but you certainly aren’t going to recognize him right away here. With a shaved head, stylish tattoos and the scars of a guy that gives it as good as he gets, Hedlund leaves the pretty boy image behind and disappears behind the intimidating glare of this monstrous character. It took at least 3 different appearances before I placed the actor and could properly marvel at how far and how well he was stretching the bad guy clichés. This is just the kind of performance his career needed for people to stop looking at him as the little brother or the sidekick. It’s a shame more people didn’t give the film a chance.

Death Sentence is also a great turn for director James Wan who puts away the scary puppets (Saw, Dead Silence) and tells a real story, for the first time in his career, that doesn’t use horror as a crutch. You can even see a change in his style evolve around this change of scenery. His first film Saw looked like a 90-minute music video with its quick edits and jump cuts. In Death Sentence Wan takes advantage of his talent pool, resting the camera on them and letting their faces tell the story. It’s a remarkable adjustment in storytelling and I’m eager to see this promising director take an even larger step away from the horror genre. Lets see what he can do with something substantial.

As I enjoyed the violence of the film but found nothing but frustration in its motivation, my prayers were answered within a few redeeming character connections. Amidst the brutality are some fantastic observations on the father/son relationships. The strong bond, how it falters, how it grows, how it differs form son to son… For the most part these small moments get lost between shotgun blasts but shined through just enough to make something about these confused characters interesting.

It still leaves us with an unanswered question. So what do you think –daddy kills bad guy – hero or monster? I’m not really any closer either. I mean, if I lost a child, I would grieve. That’s all I know. I’d like to say I’d be a man and do what a protector and father is “supposed” to do, but what is that? I suppose it’s different for everyone. And I suppose if I can take that away from this bloody homage to hate, than at least the movie got me thinking about something. Also, he totally drives a truck through some guy. So that’s cool.

Rating: 6.5 out of 10 - Though Death Sentence doesn’t quite measure up to its more sophisticated sister of revenge The Brave One I’m still going to give it an above average rating. I hated the path it took but I can’t deny that it was a lot of fun to tag along. I guess I’m still a sucker for a shotgun blast and a puff of CGI blood.

You have no idea how much I would love to say, "No", but part of me knows that once this movie drops bellow $9.99 and there's a 4 for 20 deal at Blockbuster, there's a more than likely chance it'll sit on my shelf next to the rest of the garbage I somehow convince myself I need. High praise, I know, but how else can you explain that I own Shooter?

As harsh as that sounds, there's a lot of good in the movie. Its motivation is unsound but the adventure is still a lot of fun, and ultimately that's the thing that will get me to buy it on DVD. It's great when our movies have a higher message or a lasting impact but a good shootout can do the trick every now and then.

Despite my motivation for wanting to see the movie again being low price points and lack of something better to watch, I actually do recommend giving the movie a shot. For those of you that like what you heard I'll be sure to toss up a link back to this review when the movie is released on DVD.

Is it so odd that the comic for a movie drenched in revenge and violence is about me and my future baby? Ok, it's a little odd, but with my shamefully admitted baby fever in the review for The Game Plan it seemed like the right time to dust off this kid-themed comic I did last month. And the truth is, amongst the blood and anger in this film, the father and son connection is what really leaps out. Death Sentence is the kind of story that will make you ask yourself what you would do in that situation. It makes you think about how much you love what you've got or what you might one day have. That's what led to this less than angry comic strip.

I regret not getting the review done a little sooner. I had knocked out the comic right away when the movie was released on August 31st, but after Death Sentence was crushed at the box office by Halloween and interest seemed minimal, there was less urgency to hurry to the review. I've been focused lately on staying as current as possible with the latest releases, (last week featured early reviews for both The Game Plan and The Kingdom) but it's nice to take a look back every once and a while. And the comic fit in so well. I like the idea of following a comic about my nervousness as a father with one showing my optimism. I think it'll make my parents laugh.

Death Sentence is just a victim of bad counter programming, but it's a movie that didn't deserve to get buried so harshly by the competition. It didn't deserve to dominate it either, but they could have at least opened it against some piece of crap.

Anyone up for a Weird Adventure? My good friend and fellow comic making madman Brandon J. Carr has come back to the world of webcomics with his latest escapade Weird Adventures in Unemployment!!

It follows the story of a man who can't seem to find a normal place to work. But it goes far beyond annoying co-workers or oppressive bosses. Judging by the tentacle popping out of the closet in the first strip, our hero is going to have his hands full.

Congrats to Brandon on his new strip. I can't wait to see more!

Speaking of strips. I've got a couple of guest strips coming out today. The first is for Muffin Time whose creator Bryan is headed back to school and wanted to start off the year with a string of guest spots. I'm really excited to be involved even though I though I was done drawing cute little animals covered in blood.

Guest strip two is for Killjoy Comics whose creator Todd is celebrating his 100th strip with a week of guest spots. Holy crap he's got me following Danielle Corsetto. No pressure there.

Please spend some time checking out Muffin Time and Killjoy. Both are strips worth exploring beyond these guest weeks. That's it for now but be sure to come back later tonight for a special surprise. No hints now, but if you listen to last night’s Triple Feature you might find a clue. You’ll also find plenty of chitchat about naked fighting and the Rock’s doomed career! We had a good time.

Live Journal/Myspace/Rotten Tomatoes/Buzz Comix/Top Web Comics/Comics on the Ipod/The Webcomics List/Online Comics/Wikipedia/Comixpedia/JLCM Map!

Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V