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Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.

First Sunday

Starring: Ice Cube, Kat Williams, Tracy Morgan, Loretta Devine, Michael Beach, Keith David, Regina Hall, Malinda Williams, Chi McBride

Directed by: David E. Talbert

Sony Pictures

The Official Site of First Sunday

First Sunday tackles the question that has plagued mankind since organized religion first sprung up: How desperate do you have to be before it’s ok to rob a church? I mean, a lot of people need money but at what point do you sink so low that it’s worth risking the wrath of God? Even if you don’t believe, is eternal damnation really worth the risk? For Durell (Ice Cube) and LeeJohn (Tracy Morgan), two best friends who squandered their potential on petty theft, found themselves serving 5,000 hours of community service and owing 10 pimped out wheelchairs at a 1,2000 a pop (you do the math) to the wrong people, the reward is worth the punishment.

Leejohn was the “mastermind” behind the wheelchair fiasco. Stolen chairs, 22-inch rims, completely lost during a madcap chase with the police. But Durell’s desperation comes from a place a little closer to home. He needs to come up with 17,000 in a week to keep is son in town. After following a sexy parishioner into the local church (how else did you think they’d get in there?) they witness the outpouring of financial support from the churchgoers and decide that this is the quick fix they’ve been dreaming of.

While inside the church they discover that someone has beat them to punch! One of the colourful cast of characters, from Chi McBride’s Pastor, to Kat Williams’ choir director, to Melinda Williams’ inappropriately dressed preacher’s daughter is responsible for the missing money.

What could have been a delightful maze of motives and mystery ends up being a bunch of people sitting around yelling at each other for forty minutes. Writer/Director David E. Talbert has no tricks up his sleeve when it comes to red herrings or unravelling a proper whodunit. And I’m sure he’d tell you that that’s not what the movie is about. It’s really about these two well intentioned men pushed against a wall that make a mistake, and learn from the people around them that desperate times don’t always call for desperate measures. And sure enough. by movies end we’ve all had a few laughs and learned something about ourselves.

I learned that uninspired clichés aren’t enough to endear a movie to me for more than 3 minutes after leaving the theater. Despite scoring big this weekend (20 million dollars) and ensuring that we’ll probably see a Second Sunday or Monday morning, the movie is a forgettable romp with a few nice laughs that you’ve probably already seen online somewhere.

Something that did impress me about First Sunday was that there was no unnecessary religious baggage. It’s just a story about being good and doing the right thing even in the face of hopelessness. Not playing up the religious angle might not be a big deal to some but personally… I don’t like to be preached to. I have a personal relationship with God and I don’t need someone telling me I’m doing it wrong. And I thank God that First Sunday never does. Instead they appeal to the good nature and common decency of the two would-be robbers. And while not all of us can find common ground on religion we can all relate to telling right from wrong.

First Sunday also treats the father/son relationship with a lot of respect. Cube’s not winning any People’s Choice Awards or anything, but he showed us something very genuine when interacting with Durell jr. A huge leap from what we’ve seen from him in Are We Done Yet.

The stand out in this movie has got to be Kat Williams. That’s what everyone is talking about anyway. As a huge fan of his work on 30 Rock I wish it were Morgan who was stealing the show, but it’s Williams effeminate choir leader getting the loudest guffaws.

The man makes a great sidekick. So much so that I almost hate to see First Sunday do so well. He’s proven that he can be terrific in doses. The occasional snide comment dropped in here and there is fantastic comedic support for a movie that’s otherwise too busy going through the motions to remember it’s supposed to be a comedy. But in the spotlight I’m not sure Williams could hold his own movie. His stand up is stellar, but a routine perfected over the course of a year is a lot different than headlining a major motion picture.

I would hate to see Williams become another Cedric The Entertainer. That’s not a dig. I love Cedric, but I love him more for his whip-smart supporting work like The Steve Harvey Show, Barbershop and Talk To Me than the direct-to-video quality Codename: The Cleaner and Johnson Family Vacation. Cedric is a classic case of a man that should be stealing scenes from the sidelines than trying to make every scene work front and center. The same could be said for Williams.

He’s definitely funny, but I wouldn’t rob a church to see him. I’d probably donate money to a church to see him though, so take that for whatever it’s worth. Have you decided how low you’d have to be to rob a church yet? It was kind of a by-the-books review so I’m sure you had time to think. I’m not sure there’s any point where I’d think robbing a church was a good idea. Unless it was like a Die-Hard situation and I had to do it so some crazy person didn’t blow something up… That’s a completely different review though.

Rating: 4 out of 10 - The movie is what it is. I didn’t hate it but I found little reason to love it. My theater seemed to enjoy it quite a bit though and I’ve since experienced scenes where people in line were telling others how much they enjoyed it or reciting some of Williams’ lines form the trailer. So there’s definitely a market for it and like I said, its impressive opening is a big step towards a sequel. I just hope they back up the money next time around.

Not for me, but Cube masochists can add another so-so “classic” to the pile. Kat Williams fans should admire First Sunday as William’s first major film role (second billing – not bad). It will either mark the beginning of a brilliant career or more likely the beginning of just another Eddie, Martin, Cedric… take your pick. I love all those guys but at one point or another each has gotten lost in their family friendly hits. I understand, fella’s gotta pay for the new kitchen, but I’ve had my fill of fat suits and talking animals. Though the mediocre outings do make it more interesting when they come back and do some stand up dropping F-bombs and N-words, shocking the socks off every 13-year-old in the room. I guess we should take our victories where we can get them.

Meet The Spartans - I've been "lucky" enough to see the trailer for this movie in the theaters twice now and my reaction has been the same each time. "They're actually doing this?" Of course that could be in response to Meet The Spartans being another film in the never-ending parade of empty parodies, or in response to the audience who were eating up every second of the teaser with hoots and laughter.

For whatever reason people seem to be having a positive reaction to this movie which means a) That it'll be huge hit and b) That parade ain't ending any time soon.

But is all hope lost? I say that there's still the slightest of chances that Meet the Spartans could be enjoyable. I think the key really, is to avoid it. Not completely, that would be pretty funny, but I meant to avoid just the promotion. The thing about these movies is that they try to appeal to everyone. Every 10 seconds theirs a new pop culture figure spoofing some crazy pop culture moment of the last 5 years, and they parade them through the trailers ruining any chance of surprise. The majority of it is unfunny fluff, but there's a chance that you MIGHT enjoy some of it. You won't enjoy it if you know it's coming.

So you're only real chance is to either avoid the previews or avoid the movie completely. Otherwise it'll play just like every other parody movie where they show the best bits in the trailer to entice you into paying 11 bucks to watch their filler.

I don't expect much from Meet The Spartans. It will more than likely disappoint no matter how low my expectations or high my blood alcohol level. But one of these days the formula is bound to work.

Believe it or not the biggest news for me today is not this update for a movie people will most likely forget by Thursday of this week. It’s not even Billy Bush announcing the Golden Globes tonight! No, the biggest news for me is the return of Turtle vs. Bunny!

For those of you unfamiliar with Turtle vs. Bunny head back and check out the original race that has inspired this follow up story. That first race was a Spy vs. Spy take on the classic Tortoise and the Hare story. Spurred on by reader votes a winner was crowned after almost 6 months of racing. It got violent, kind of bloody, but still retained its cuteness.

In this new story, Turtle vs. Bunny: Distractions we’ll be picking up the adventure a couple of weeks after the events of the first storyline. Our two characters have taken on new roles and, I don’t want to give too much away just yet, but some of you might be surprised at where these two enemies are at in their lives right now.

Today’s update is an obligatory “title page” but be sure to check back every Monday Wednesday and Friday as Turtle vs. Bunny: Distractions unravels, giving you more background on the characters and setting up the next great reader interactive race.

That’s it for now, but be sure to tune in to the Triple Feature where we’ll be discussing In The Name of the King, The Orphanage, an early (and most likely brief) look at 27 Dresses and the weekends big winners, The Bucket List and First Sunday.

Joe Dunn's Facebook profile

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Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V