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Discuss this week's Joe Loves Crappy Movies here!

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Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.


Starring: Lizzy Caplan, Jessica Lucas, T.J. Miller, Michael Stahl-David, Mike Vogel, Odette Yustman

Directed by: Matt Reeves

Paramount Pictures

The Official Site of Cloverfield

Discuss Cloverfield on the boards!

It doesn’t seem so long since J.J. Abram’s shaking name in that unnamed teaser rolled the Statue of Liberty’s battered head into our lives. Such a terrifyingly perfect way to introduce a movie to the masses. That trailer was so good that there were more people talking about the movie with no name then the movie they actually went to see that night. And that was a movie about. cars turning into robots and shooting each other.

We had no idea what to make of this mystery teaser featuring a going away party rudely interrupted by a roars and explosions in the distance, and a collective onslaught of nerds everywhere scoured the Internet looking for answers, clues, a title, ANYTHING! With only pictures and a release date to be found most of us had to give up the search and be content with months and months of speculation.

So it’s not Godzilla but it might be this thing or something else… That’s basically how the end of the summer went in regards to Cloverfield. Besides the reveal of the poster at Comic Con all we had to hang on to is our own expectations. The perfect thing to ruin the movie when it would eventually come out.

Thankfully what showed up this weekend was a shaky camera, some good looking, believable characters, and yes – a pretty good look at the monster. After months of waiting we were given a few answers and told a pretty entertaining tale about survival and friendship.

Normally in a proper monster movie you could take or leave the victims. Those disposable life forms running for their lives are the least interesting part of the story, and why not? They’re being attacked by a giant abomination of nature! In Cloverfield the characters are pushed to the foreground and we’re forced to follow them until we inevitably become more interested in their quest to save a fallen friend then the armies quest to stop the thing that knocked the building on top of that friend in the first place.

And their story is well told. Scary at times, hopeful at times, completely (exploding blood packs) shocking at times… but that’s what makes for a great movie, monster or no monster. The fact that there is an ever-present threat all around them threatening to eat/squish them only adds to excitement.

In a movie like this the camera becomes a character of its own. Perhaps the most important character since we only see what the man behind it decides we should see. And in a cast of unknowns I was shocked that I actually recognized this guy in one of the few moments he points the camera at himself. His name is T.J. Miller and his character Hud, embraces the same innocence and lovability as the character he plays on ABC’s Carpoolers, Marmaduke. It was great to see him in a huge Hollywood movie and after his performance I know what I’m getting him for Christmas! …A tripod. It’s true that the shaky camera is constantly a factor but you know what? You kind of get used to it. Wisely, the filmmakers make sure that the frame focuses on the things you need to pay attention to when you need to pay attention to them. There were more than a couple of times though that I just wish I could have pushed the lens three inches to the right.

A lot more is being made of the cameras battery lasting throughout the night, but as I’m sure someone on the whatever message board you complain about this stuff on has already pointed out to you, Hud wasn’t filming the whole night. The movie itself was only 84 minutes long, so it stands to reason that the camera was constantly being turned on and off during the adventure. Still, Rob’s phone dies like twice…

Even if it’s told from another perspective, Cloverfield is still a monster movie and they are good enough to share a few glancing images of him from time to time throughout the night. But how much do they show? You definitely get one or two good looks. One or two moments where the camera rests on Cloverfield and as soon as it does your eyes will dart back and forth trying to take it all in. It’s not Godzilla, it’s not… whatever that whale/slug hybrid thing is… It’s Cloverfield. Abrams, screenwriter Drew Goddard and director Matt Reeves have given life to their own original creation, and as a result of a brilliant marketing campaign and following through with a quality product, America may have its own Godzilla now. No more sloppy seconds in being stepped on.

As much as they show of Cloverfield in the movie there were times, even as the beast was staring me in the eye, that I still had trouble making out what was what. There are some conceptual drawing online now that shed some light on Cloverfield’s complete form but seriously – don’t look at them if you don’t want that first moment you see him to be ruined. That’s half the fun!

Speaking of knowing too much about the movie… the ending of the film has already become controversial and I won’t answer any questions other than to say that the movie doesn’t answer that many either. A lot of what happens is left up to your imagination, something that, my audience at least, did not respond to well at all. As rumblings of “That was it!?” and “I want my money back!” grew within the theater I couldn’t help but think of No Country for Old Men which suffered a similar response. And I couldn’t help but think it deserved the same reaction. “That’s the point of the movie.”

While I understand the ending and the concept of a movie told form this perspective, part of me can’t help but want to know more. People inherently want answers, and after 6 months of speculations, I can’t lie – it would have been awesome to get some closure with so many of the questions that sprung up. I’m certain that in the long run I’ll appreciate Cloverfield’s brave approach, embracing the characters and their reaction to a disaster like this. But right now, I feel like I was watching the wrong end of a really good monster movie. And honestly, I think THAT’S the point. It’s not a movie about a monster attack. It’s a movie about the people trying to survive one.

Rating: 8.5 out of 10 - Ultimately we didn’t get answers to all the questions we were able to think up in the 6 months since the trailer first hit, but Cloverfield proved to be a thrilling experience none the less. This unique telling is a must for the big screen, so quit slacking and get to it!

I’m totally on the fence right now. If I bought it today I’d be buying it for answers. For a better understanding of where this monster came from actually and creatively. Even at the cost of ruining the movie – I just kinda want to know. Or better yet, I want more clues.

The commentary is more likely to point out what we missed in the films. Clues to help getting the answers instead of just feeding us the answers straight out. In the long run that’s better. But is the movie worth it for the movie alone? I had a blast going on the adventure with this group of people but I couldn’t say for sure if it would be just as exciting or entertaining the second time around. I don’t know… Ask me again in 2 months and you’ll probably get a more sound answer.

There’s a lot of Cloverfield footage online worth linking to. From the Slusho web site to the floating pictures at 1-18-08.com to the Manga comic origin story for the monster (Follow the link and click the blue box marked open, unless you can’t read Japanese. Then be prepared to be confused.) there has been plenty over the last few weeks for us all to sink our teeth into.

But for me the most interesting tease of the bunch has got to be the faux news report of an oil rig disaster in the middle of the ocean. Done up with the same level of visual effects and air of mystery, the clip perfectly sets the stage and raises the level of anticipation. After all nothing says, “something big is coming” like the sudden and violent sinking of a rig off the shore of Connecticut.

If you find any other goodies related to the site please feel free to share them with me and the rest of the Pimp community in this thread on the boards. Thanks!

My wife and I are unapologetic Felicity fans. J.J. Abram’s first big hit on TV (co created by Cloverfield director Matt Reeves) started out as a flighty, overly dramatic, teen soap opera on the very young WB Network. I managed for years to avoid it with no problem until a Yeo insisted on turning on a two-hour block of the show every night just before bed. (Damn you Oxygen Network!)

As hard as I tried to bury myself in my comic books or video games it was inevitable. I was hooked. Felicity is a beautifully written love story that’s engaging and charming in thousands of ways. I couldn’t recommend it enough.

Truth be told, Yeo is kind of upset at me for today’s comic because she firmly believes that Felicity should have ended up with Ben (Spoiler alert! – she does) but it didn’t work. I needed the conflict. She seemed pretty content on the cursing though.

I think that was ok because she’s just as upset in real life as she is in the comic. After 6 months of secrecy she became jaded. About a week ago she realized how close we were to the release date of Cloverfield and how we still didn’t really know all that much about what’s supposed to be going on. With that she decided she just didn’t care anymore.

And you know what? I’m sure she’s not alone. Internet buzz and months of waiting can kill the best movies and I hope that Cloverfield can survive the weekend. I’m sure it will. I’m also sure that once Yeo wakes up in the morning she’ll want to know exactly what the hell the monster was and how much of it they showed. Curiosity always trumps bitterness.

Star Trek - The quality sucks but you can check out the Star Trek teaser that came before Cloverfield here. It doesn’t matter so much that the quality is poor because there’s really not that much to see yet. Nor should there be. The movies not slated to hit theatres until Christmas this year so we’ve got a solid 11 and a half months to spoil this movie for ourselves with set pictures, leaked scripts and all the rest.

Still I couldn’t help but want to see something. The crew in uniform, old Spock reminiscing about the good old days… something more than welders working on the bones of the Enterprise. Is that too much to ask for!? Patience, Joe… 11 months. That’s a long time. There’s bound to be something impressive between now and then. Regardless, were the Cloverfield teaser had us speculating with anticipation, talking about the 3 minute clip over the movie it proceeded, the Star Trek teaser isn’t distracting us from anything. Let’s hope that changes.

This review was a tough one for me. After thinking about the movie for a few days and actively discussing it on the boards I’ve become very frustrated with certain aspects of it. I feel like in this review I was barely able to touch on some of the larger reactions and influences and… well, there’s just a lot to say. Anyway, I’m sure we’ll be talking about it at length on tonight’s Triple Feature as well as 27 Dresses and the weekends other big releases. Be sure to stop by tonight at 10pm to here all the juicy tidbits.

Also today, Turtlevsbunny rolls on. Check out a larger version of that sweet monster movie themed Bunny I did for this weekend’s Cloverfield release.

And that’s it for now, but I have a few other comics lined up so be sure to stop by tomorrow for some fresh stuff.

Joe Dunn's Facebook profile

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Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V