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Discuss this week's Joe Loves Crappy Movies here!

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Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

Starring: Ben Barnes, Georgie Henley, Skandar Keynes, William Moseley, Anna Popplewell, Sergio Castellitto, Peter Dinklage, Warwick Davis, Eddie Izzard, Liam Neeson, Tilda Swinton

Directed by: Andrew Adamson

Walt Disney Picture

The Official Site of The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

Discuss The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian on the boards!

I have no idea who Prince Caspian is. He means nothing to me. I’ve not read the wildly popular Chronicles of Narnia novels by C.S. Lewis and was at a complete loss when the second film was announced with his name as the title. After early press hit the Internet, plastering his face and name over all things Narnia, I got the impression that I’d been missing out on something. Who was this medieval dreamboat with flowing locks and sword at the ready, all but eclipsing the loveable rapscallions that took center stage in the first film? Look at him there... He puts the “ass” in Caspian. He’s a star.

It turns out that the marketing campaign is a little deceptive. We’ve been led to believe that the latest journey to Narnia is all about the new beefcake in town, but the gangs all there. The Pevensie siblings from the first film, Peter, Susan, Edward and Lucy, former kings and queens of the land, who have spent a year away from Narnia have now returned to a world much different than they remember. While it has only been one year for them, it’s been 1300 in Narnian time. The once magical kingdom lay in ruins. The kids find a world in the midst of a power struggle among the Telmarines (a human race) for control while the Narnians (dwarfs, minotaur, talking animals, basically anything that’s not your standard human) cower in the wild all but extinct, fairytales to a world that was once theirs.

Caspian himself sits at the center of the struggle. He’s is Caspian the 10th, heir to the throne and his power starved uncle, King Miraz (played quite fiendishly by Sergio Castellitto) is fully prepared to kill a random nephew to clear a path to the top.

It’s a nice mix of old-world, Shakespearian style, family infighting with a touch of prejudice to give this latest adventure some much-needed focus. Seriously, the reason the X-men always return to stories about mutants being outcasts is because people understand that. They can relate to it. It’s easy to see right and wrong with something so blatant as racism and it certainly helps out in Caspian. Like you weren’t going to root for the side with the adorable talking grizzly bear anyway…

The first film, The Lion the Witch, and the Wardrobe was a little busy. I loved its free flowing sense of storytelling but Caspian benefits quite a bit for keeping the gang together. We don’t get personal touches like Edward’s struggle with his inner daemons or Lucy having tea with Mr. Tumnus, but Caspian stays on track and delivers a tight and impressive adventure in the process.

One of my favorite things about the first film was that it plays like a book. The smaller touches and unique sense of pacing create an intimate tone as though the viewers were reading the story themselves. Though Caspian focuses more on the action and less on the character it carries over the same general feel.

Like any good book Caspain has one or two slow parts. Little moments where I would let out a fierce (but silent) yawn and the little kid 3 seats over from me would continue work on his “movie theater seat” opus. (It’s mostly percussion. Not that bad though.) For me these moments where vastly outweighed by the final act. A solid 30 minutes of beautifully choreographed and refreshingly inventive WAR! There’s no other way to describe it. A great range of combat from one-on-one duels to large sweeping battles with thousands of figures and a couple of magical “wow…” moments that shocked me back to life like Jesus in a cave. One of those big moments happens to involve the return of the lion Aslan. A welcomed return, as much for the soothing tones of Liam Neeson’s voice as for the beautiful CGI work used to bring the beautiful beast to life.

It’s amazing how Narnia has taken something as trivial as a lion’s roar and turned it into something significant enough to make your hair stand on end. Don’t get me wrong, if a lion roared at me I’d probably piss my pants, but a cartoon lion on a movie screen…? There’s no reason that should be a tent pole moment of any action movie, but when the king of the jungle lets loose, it’s worth the wait.

Prince Caspian, for the most part is worth the wait. In different areas it both exceeded and didn’t quite meet my expectations. The story holds strong and they created a unique adventure in a world that’s become overrun with the family friendly fantasy film. The Prince himself didn’t quite live up to the buzz surrounding the release, turning out to be as much of an emotional wreck as a knight in shining armor, but in the long run that’s better. It gave room for the rest of the cast to shine (including Peter Dinklage, Warwick Davis and Eddie Izzard who, as the stand-outs in the Narnia camp, take turns stealing the show) and ultimately made the film a well rounded one.

So, I know who Prince Caspian is now and it turns out I was missing something. I nearly missed out on sword fighting mice and Minotaur getting shot up with arrows. I nearly missed the Ice Queen’s wolf beats and the trees coming back to life. I nearly missed out on the magic that Narnia has to offer and I’m sure glad I didn’t, even if I wasn’t really all that interested, or aware of it, to begin with.

Rating: 7 out of 10 - While the film itself is a lot of fun, it’s not the home run that this series really needed. I was entertained to be sure, and I very much look forward to the next adventure, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (already in pre-production), but will they be able to deliver a hit? An indisputable masterpiece? The definitive children’s fantasy classic? I don’t think we’ve gotten that film yet from the Narnia series and if they can’t manage it in the next go around we may not get it at all.

There are seven books in the Narnia series but the franchise may stall at three after this past week when Caspian reported a 10 million dollar dip in the opening weekend take. It’s definitely heading in the wrong direction, significant enough to kill plans for the future even though Caspian is bound to clean up on DVD.

Maybe a little controversy could have helped. The first film benefited from a lot of buzz. Specifically, everyone was talking about the “hidden meanings” behind the story and the “religious comparisons” associated with Narnia for years. There seemed to be a lot less of that with Caspian. Either people got over it or there’s nothing to it.

I personally think that this time around, the religious comparison isn’t even worth bringing up. Caspian is much more of a straightforward adventure than the first film. One could find in Aslan as many allusions to Christ as Obi Wan Kenobi. It's not really that big of a deal. There may be something to it, Lewis may have intended us to see Jesus on four paws but I don’t think it makes the movie any better or worse if we do or don’t make the connection. The movie should be able to stand on its own as a complete story, and I think it does just fine.

There is an audience for this movie on home video, impressionable children and those that have become enamored with the world of Narnia would certainly find hours of enjoyment in owning this second Narnia adventure, but I can‘t count myself amongst them. It is because of them though that I’m not so quick to say, “Prince Caspian is not DVD worthy.” To a lot of people it is and I respect that, but I doubt the casual viewer would cherish it as much.

Beverly Hills Chihuahua - I’d seen this trailer sometime last week or the week before when it first hit the webs and thought, like most of you I’m sure, that it looked ridiculous, cheap and a little bit racist. When it was the first trailer launched with Prince Caspian I knew that it was going to be fresh to my wife Yeo. There’s no way she would have stumbled upon it on some movie news site or angry man’s message board. So I leaned over and whispered to her, “We’re totally going to see this.” Keep in mind that the first 30 seconds or so are shrouded in mystery. The big reveal is meant to surprise and ignite laughter. In four-year-olds.

When that Chihuahua poked its head out and started singing Yeo let out a roar of laughter worthy of Aslan himself. In fact for the rest of the preview she let loose an odd combination of howls and giggles while sifting her popcorn back and forth in girlish glee. I was a little surprised. I had been kidding of course that we would go see it (actually I’ll probably check it out just to see what Disney’s “bottom of the barrel” looks like in the same year they’re releasing Narnia 2 and Pixar’s WALL E), but if she were this into it I would of course take her to see it.

As the next trailer began I leaned over and whispered, “So what do you think?” and with all the class of the Manhattan woman she is, she finished her bit of popcorn and gave me the finger.

My reaction to the trailer is simple: Why can’t this be animated? A realistic talking dog movie is only going to reach a certain part of the population. Adults will immediately write it off as a “talking animal picture” and only see it if they have children dragging them along. The exception of course is something like Alvin and the Chipmunks, because they’re pop culture icons. Adults are more likely to take their kids to see a movie that they have a point of reference on themselves, especially one from their childhood that they can now share with the next generation.

Had Beverly Hills Chihuahua been made as an animated feature it would have opened it up to a much larger audience. It would have become another Bee movie or Happy Feet instead of Homeward Bound or Baby Geniuses. Both of those movies got sequels though so what the hell do I know?

I don’t think I could live with myself if I didn’t at least mention the new Prince Caspian’s former boy band career.

In yesterday’s strip I was talking about my hat and how I haven’t worn it in a while. Well that’s still true. It’s currently sitting on a bookshelf in my foyer waiting for colder weather.

Today it comes back because this is a recycled joke. I had originally penciled out this comic to go along with the movie Stardust, another wonderfully exciting fantasy film (oddly enough also featuring Caspian himself Ben Barnes) that sort of got lost in the shuffle of the late summer season. I never got around to finishing it and the movie faded from theaters so fast… I decided to just move on.

When Narnia came around I started kicking around some possible ideas. There was no way I was going to touch the Jesus thing again. Who cares? The only kind of attention you’ll get from a joke like that is passionate Narnia fans telling you, “you have no idea what you’re talking about.” I already know that, I don’t need the reminder. I had always liked this old Stardust joke and decided to resurrect it. The general theme has a lot more appeal and it’s funnier than any other gag I was coming up with, so why not?

So that’s why the hat’s back. As to the joke itself, I’d like to think that I haven’t lost touch with the child at heart. I still really love these fantasy films. I would say that for the most part I’m more often impressed than unimpressed by kid’s movies and that I look forward to them a little too much. Honestly though, I don’t even want to think about a time when an upcoming Princess Bride-esque movie sounds like a bad idea.

Thanks so much for reading gang. Time to get excited about Indy!

Joe Dunn's Facebook profile

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Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V