Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.
Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.
With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.
The X-files: I Want To Believe
Starring: David Duchovny, Gillian Anderson, Amanda Peet, Billy Connolly, Xzibit, Callum Keith Rennie
Directed by: Chris Carter
The Official Site of The X-files: I Want To Believe
Discuss The X-files: I Want To Believe on the boards!
The X-Files took its second big shot at the big screen a few weeks back to little fan fair. Faithful followers of the cult TV series lost interest somewhere in the 10-year gap between films and 6 year gap since the series petered out. Aliens and FBI agents feel very dated in the summer of Batman.
I should let you guys know up front that I was not a huge fan of the series. The show about two agents working through the FBIâs freak files was highly acclaimed but something creepy enough to keep me at bay. I scare easy and was only lured in by the occasional celebrity guest or bought of laziness strong enough to keep me from changing the channel after The Simpsons ended. Apparently I was missing out on something though as The X-files is still considered one of the finest shows of its time (Todayâs incentive image is my homage to Classic Mulder and Scully).
This latest trip to the big screen seems to be faithful enough to the TV series, but I think thatâs the problem. The characters seem to be pretty well intact - Mulder still believes and Scully still doesnât, even in the face of proof - but the adventure is under done and the conclusion is lacklustre. Fans knew this and stayed away.
In I Want To Believe Mulder, now a recluse, is pulled out of retirement to help find a missing agent in danger. His special talents are needed because the only lead the FBI has is a mysterious paedophile priest that's having visions of the grizzly attack that lead to the girl's disappearance. Scully is along for the ride because she's the only one that knew where to find Mulder and let's face it - they're meant to be together. If the movie has one strength it's that connection. Anderson and Duchovny still have a wild chemistry that brightens up this dim adventure from time to time.
Can the team-up last though if Scully can't believe? Luckily in her B-story she's going through a crisis of faith, and the priest says something off the cuff that has her questioning what we can really believe in life. On the surface the movie might look like it's about bad men doing bad things and the good government trying to stop them, but it's really about this battle to believe. Hence the ridiculous title.
A ridiculous title is easy to overlook but with all the other problems going on here, what's the difference in lumping one more onto the pile? The film moves along slowly, in a less epic scale that the original X-Files film which was a great combination of mystery and horror. I Want To Believe feels much more like an extended episode than a big screen expansion. Especially considering that this is supposed to be the tale that closes out the franchise. It should be huge! The door is left open for more, but after this ho-hum effort 5 years too late, Iâm not sure thereâs any interest.
When a TV show becomes a movie it's expected that things will jump up a notch. Bigger action, a story that progresses the characters further than any one TV episode ever could. Chris Carter, series creator, took on the directorial duties here and it shows. The scale feels limited and claustrophobic. You could point to the significant drop in budget between films (from 60 to 30 million) but smaller films have done more with less, and they had the handicap of having to introduce characters, themes and storylines from scratch. I Want To Believe should have knocked us off our asses right out the gate and not slowed down âtil the credits rolled.
Is it so wrong to give the fans what they want? To have some closures with these characters and this world? Maybe I Want To Believe IS what the fans want. Like I said, I was never really into the show. Perhaps this slow crawling focus on the characters is the perfect exclamation point on one of the most critically claimed shows of the last 20 years. I seriously doubt it though.
Rating: 3 out of 10 - As someone thatâs only seen a handful of the shows that inspired the movie, I realize that I may not be the best authority on the matter. My opinion is only as good as whatâs seeped through over years of having friends that watched the show, general knowledge information about the series that leaked over into the main stream, and agreeing that Gillian Anderson is pretty damn fine. 10 years after the last movie, those friends could care less about a sequel, pop culture is way more interested in superheroes, and Gillian Anderson held up pretty well. Too bad she can only play one role.
Going in with no expectations though, The X-files: I Want To Believe still managed to disappoint. It plays like a long episode, from the lame freak-of-the-week style baddie to the limited scope of camera work. Youâll be impressed by how cool the occasional car crash looks, especially for a TV show, and then youâll realized you paid 11 dollars to watch it and the uncontrollable weeping will begin.
I canât imagine that the die hard X-Files fans are going to be satisfied with this as a closing, but I certainly wouldnât begrudge a purist DVD collector of getting this to complete their set. Iâm not going anywhere near it though. As flat and uninspired as this played on the big screen, I canât even begin to imagine what it would be like on my crap TV with 17 fewer dollars in my pocket.
Brotherâs Bloom - Whether itâs the cast list (Brody, Weisz, Ruffalo), the writer/director (Rian Johnson who made a modern noir masterpiece with 2005âs Brick) or the premise of two brothers conning an heiress out of some loot by taking her on a romantic adventure, thereâs more than enough reasons why The Brothers Bloom should be on your radar. Honestly, for me, Rian Johnson is enough. The cast is an absolute wish list of talent but after Brick, Iâd see anything Johnson put his name on even if it starred the cast of Whatâs Happeninâ Now. Heâs got such a great grasp on crime and pacing, and itâll be interesting to see how things play with a little levity brought to the table. Brick was played so straight but Brothers Bloom seems to be wall to wall laughs. Or at least it looks like everyoneâs having a good time. So thatâs encouraging.
Decide for yourself, and let us know what you think on the boards!
For those of you anxious to hear my thoughts on this weekendâs release of Pineapple Express, a comic and review will be going up Tuesday before noon. If thatâs not soon enough you could hop on over to my Flixster page where you can read a quick review of Pineapple Express right now! Or you could always tune in to tonightâs episode of the Triple Feature where weâll be discussing Express, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, how nothing can stop The Dark Knight, and the sad news bellow.
Actor/comedian Bernie Mac passed away at the age of 50 this Saturday. Mac had been hospitalized for a week with a lung infection but the article says he was listed as stable.
It was hard not to be a fan of Macâs aggressive style. You have to respect a man that could get a laugh out of you just by giving you a stern look. While his starring roles on the big screen never hit big with audiences (Guess Who, Mr. 3000) he would steal the show in ensemble films like The Kings of Comedy and the Oceanâs films, making sure that on your way to the parking lot you were talking about something he said. He was too young and heâll be missed.
More grim news, Soul superstar Issac Hayes was found dead at 65 next to a still running treadmill. Itâs been a terrible week for African American icons and itâs shame we had to loose a legend of comedy and music back-to-back. All my best to their loved ones.
Lastly, my buddy Tom Brazelton from Theater Hopper is in the middle of a crisis that could end with him losing 5 years worth of comic files. It's an artist's worst nightmare. Hop on over and see what you can do to help.
On that string of terrible news, Iâll say good day. Thanks for reading.
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Joe The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast hes obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - The Introduction
Yeo Yeo is Joes wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Dont tip her off.
First Appearance - Fever Pitch
Irv Joes movie-going sidekick whos always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast hes obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior
Agent 337 George Jones A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joes plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.
First Appearance - V for Vendetta
Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Lets Go To Prison
Leonidas The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesnt really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by hes adjusted but its a safe bet that hes always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.
First Appearance - 300
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe
Palpatine Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that theyre being stupid. No ones really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.
First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet
Slow Billy Billy is a sweet kid but hes not the sharpest tool in the shed. If youre watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. Hes a complete moron.
First Appearance - Four Brothers
Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Kyle the Movie Snob Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if youre even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets whats coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.
First Appearance - Ultraviolet
Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Jean-Luc Picard Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strips first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.
First Appearance - The Producers
Other Notable Appearances: Im not telling you, thats no fun. It like Wheres Waldo go find him!
Ice Cream Sandwich Delicious and
deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?
First Appearance - Saw IV
Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V