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Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.

Lakeview Terrace

Starring: Samuel L. Jackson, Patrick Wilson, Kerry Washington,

Directed by: Neil Labute

Sony Pictures

The Official Site of Lakeview Terrace

Discuss Lakeview Terrace on the boards!

I'm struggling today to write this review. I had been excited at one point about Lakeview Terrace, the story of a young couple terrorized by a racist cop protecting his turf. I was less excited after learning the film was directed by Neil Labute whose clumsy remake of The Wicker Man still tops the list of the worst films I've seen since starting Joe Loves Crappy Movies, but I was still excited. I had Sam Jackson to hang my hopes on. As the strict, intrusive cop, the movie rests on his abilities to be terrifying and yell at people. Let's not fool ourselves… Nobody does it better.

Still, I struggle. Perhaps because I expected more from the film then a dependably badass Jackson or a by-the-numbers, right vs. wrong thriller. I expected more than what the trailer promised (Is that really so wrong?) and instead spent 2-hours watching the power points of that 2 minute preview play out in slow motion. If you've not seen the trailer stop reading now and see the film. I'd be curious what a fresh set of eyes thought about Lakeview Terrace.

Patrick Wilson and Kerry Washington play Chris and Lisa Mattson, a young married couple settling down into their first home. Sam Jackson plays their neighbor Abel, a cop and single father who has become set in his ways when it comes to dealing with the scum of the streets and neighbors he deems unfit. Abel peers through the hedges watching the couple settle in and it quickly becomes clear that the interracial union doesn't sit well with the gruff, old watchdog.

Part of me wishes race weren't an issue but I realize it's THE issue that holds this movie together. Making him a racist makes it easy to hate him. It's something the audience can understand and throw a label of "Bad" onto. Later in the movie as the complexity of the character is revealed that label becomes less certain, and that's the sign of great storytelling. Create a character that's easy to hate blindly and then bring some humanity to him by showing us who he really is.

The explanation finally given for why he is the way he is isn't as well thought out as the performance behind it, but by that point in the film it doesn't really matter. By then we've figured out what kind of movie Lakeview Terrace is and have stopped waiting for something remarkable to happen.

Terrace bounces along at a leisurely pace slowly introducing us to the characters and hitting the tent poles originally presented in the trailer. One neighbor does this, the other neighbor retaliates with that, and so on, and that's fine. In fact, I would say I was enjoying it! Foolishly I thought it was leading towards something.

At one point in the trailer, after Abel's latest instance of crossing the line, Chris exclaims to his wife his plan of revenge. "I'm gonna take away his job, his pension, his house!" and they follow that brilliant threat up with footage of Abel on the job about to break in on what looks to be Chris messing with his life. Wouldn't that have been something? A revenge tale that actually leads towards revenge? Can you imagine!? Sadly, the most aggressive thing Chris does is put up some security lights and tell Abel to "Stay out of my life".

You know, this is the realistic response. This is what any normal person would do, because we're not insane. We don't go out of our way to ruin people's lives because it's complicated and we're lazy and Mad Men is on. Because we've got better things to do. Because revenge is wrong. Take your pick.

That's why we go to the movies, to see people more complicated than us deal with rational problems irrationally. Otherwise we're just watching our selves and no one wants that. I go to movies to escape my mediocrity.

If a filmmaker has integrity though - they go with the realistic approach. In the end it serves the characters in Lakeview Terrace better. Instead of Chris and Lisa taking Abel down, he just crumbles under his own devices in a satisfying blaze of glory. It rounds out the character fine, but does little to help me escape my mediocrity.

Rating: 6 out of 10 - Expectation has been getting in the way lately. I want too much from the movies I'm seeing and it's ruining the experience for me. There's nothing wrong with Lakeview Terrace. It's a perfectly fine "bad cop protecting his city" thriller, but is that enough? Shouldn't it be better than ok? Would it have been better had I not seen the trailer a dozen times and concocted my own adventure based on that? Am I just ruining movies for myself? I need to stop watching trailers and just go into these things blind. I think my movie enjoyment would go up significantly.

Nope. This will be a great one on TV though. It's one of those movies where, it'll be on when you're cleaning up the house or working on some book report and it'll slowly suck you in . Eventually you'll be scrubbing during the commercials or pausing your DVR every fifteen minutes so you can sneak in an extra paragraph on why Romeo and Julliet were never meant to be. I look forward to Lakeview Terrace distracting on a Sunday afternoon, but certainly not on DVD.

I'm feeling green this week so I'm recycling this joke which was first used way back in a movie called Freedomland. Actually, after doing that joke it had long been my dream to do a large poster featuring all of these little Sam Jackson heads, one representing each of his movie roles, saying variations of Mother Fucker. It's just something I thought would look cool and be really funny, but would also take forever to complete.

As time went on I abandoned the project and found other things to distract me, but when Lakeview terrace popped up it felt like a good time to resurrect it. My art is better now than it was then, and as you can see, Jackson has given us some wildly different looking characters in 2008 alone. And he still has two more movies being released this year! Will I ever do the complete chart? Maybe, but more likely a chart of his best 50 characters of all time. Jackson's IMDB credit list is way too long to do completely!

Feast your eyes on Greengo!

This little guy is completely insane but equally awesome. I wrote the guys and told them I must have more Greengo, these clips are too short, and they promised me more was on the way. Now, you go make a puppet and take over the Intenet too.

I hope you guys enjoyed last week's guest comic from Ryan Estrada. You may or may not know this but Ryan had more than a few guest strips go up across the web. Make a quick check to all your favorite webcomics to see who was in on the fun. That's all for now but I'll be back with more soon. If you can't wait, be sure to stop by tonight for where Gordon, Tom and I wrap up this weekend's big releases.

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Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V