Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.
Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.
With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.
Starring: Josh Zuckerman, Amanda Crew, Clark Duke, James Marsden, Seth Green, Alice Greczyn, Katrina Bowden
Directed by: Sean Anders
The Official Site of Sex Drive
Discuss Sex Drive
Sex Drive is the kind of movie that could float right by you, not making a peep as it gets lumped together with the less than impressive pre-Oscar bait explosion of the early fall. Kids are still settling into school or watching ridiculous talking dog movies and don’t have time to check out some silly comedy with a title so specific it might as well be called “Road Trip Movie”.
Don’t let this be one of those movies though. I could understand letting it slip away if there wasn’t a giant Mexican Doughnut wielding a gun in the ads or that scene of James Marsden jump kicking a garage door and… not hitting it. That’s two reasons right there to choose Sex Drive this weekend over Quarantine. To be fair though, if Quarantine featured Cyclops jump kicking a giant zombie Mexican doughnut… well we would have something there worth seeing wouldn’t we?
Mutant doughnuts and aggressive acts towards doors aside, the real reason to check out Sex Drive is for its spot on characters. The movie wastes no time establishing the cast, doing more than shoving them into some sad sex comedy stereotype.
You could label them the nerd who needs to get laid (Josh Zuckerman), the cooler friend who wants to get him laid (Clark Duke) and the best friend who just so happens to have a vagina (Amanda Crew) but as the road trip begins it’s so much more than those simple summaries. The movie does such a good job of developing its cast, even beyond the core three, that when the inevitable road trip begins it’s kind of sad because you know everyone won’t be able to come along for the ride.
Now, I suppose I should point out that the movie is indeed about getting laid. It’s the movie’s destination. Harold and Kumar were after hamburgers, Ian (the nerd) and Lance (the cool friend) are gonna get laid. More specifically, the pair, along with tag along Felicia (the vagina), are driving across state lines so that Ian can hook up with a gorgeous girl he met on the Internet. If he comes all the way to see her, she’ll go all the way with him.
That’s as good a reason for a road trip as I’ve ever heard. The trip itself is predictably wacky, filled with temptations, distractions and bathroom sex acts. Some of the jokes don’t hit as hard as you’d expect, (I think signing an abstinence pledge while having a raging hard-on was funnier on paper than on screen) but the atmosphere of fun and adventure is constant.
Even when the jokes aren’t working quite as well as you’d like, it’s the act of following these characters that keeps the movie on track. That early set-up where the characters are endeared to us proves to be crucial, as we’ll now follow them through anything with a smile on our face.
Everyone in the film is good but there are obviously a few standouts. Marsden for example has free reign to really act like a maniac and he doesn’t waste a bit of that opportunity. He’s tremendous as Ian’s older brother who is on the rampage after the gang borrowed his car without asking. Marsden is really rounding out his resume. It seems like a few years ago he was becoming a pro at playing “the other man” but by stringing together interesting, diverse and well-performed characters in Enchanted, 27 Dresses and now Sex Drive, Marsden is setting himself up for superstardom.
If there was one character that didn’t work for me it was Seth Green’s Amish car enthusiast. He’s built up to be as big a fan of sarcasm as he is classic cars and I felt like they just drill this one joke into the ground. I can see why it’s funny but for me it just slowed down the adventure.
I hope Sex Drive finds its audience because it’s so much more than its simple title implies. I hope it can be the kind of movie that is cherished 15 years down the line and act as a sign of the times, because it feels like that kind of movie. It reminds me so much of the John Hughes classics of the 80s that there’s a point in the film where I actually began to think Crew looked like Molly Ringwald. Let’s call it classic movie transference and just hope that sex Drive does well enough that we see a giant doughnut of another race in (the sad but inevitable) Road Trip Movie.
Rating: 8 out of 10 - Get together with a big group of freinds to see this movie. The right crowd is what will sell the laughs so surrounding yourself with like-minded people that appreciate the occasional boob or Van Damme joke and can sympathize with spending 100 bucks on gas for the chance to get laid, and have yourself a laugh tonight.
Sex Drive is definitely an instant addition to the DVD list. Sexy road trips are built for replay. Half a dozen rock-fueled music montages, a constantly changing scenery and boob flashes from random young ladies that will be in and out of your life before you finish chewing that mouthful of popcorn. It’ll get better with each viewing. This is what DVD players were made for.
Phil has recently become obsessed with churros and, now that I think about it, he’s Chinese so I guess this strip is dedicated to him.
Okay so I was telling Yeo about this joke and she asked, “Wait, who’s peeing in the Coke?” “The Fortune Cookie is.” “Why?” “You’ve never heard that joke!?” I was shocked. I thought the “Me Chinese, me play joke, me put pee pee in your Coke” (sung to the tune of “This old man, he played one…”) joke was a universal schoolyard standard.
Worried that this was an isolated incident of South Jersey racism I hit the Internet only, I couldn’t even remember the whole joke. (To be fair though, the set up of the joke isn’t sung to a catchy tune so it’s significantly less memorable.) I became worried that it wasn’t a thing at all and I was just making up racist food spoiling humor set to children’s nursery rhymes to suit my own low brow needs. The Internet came through though but after reading the full joke I was severely unimpressed. I guess it is a children’s joke but it hardly holds up well over time.
Four Christmases - I would hate to see it get to the point where a Vince Vaughn Christmas movie (Last year’s Fred Claus) with a costar too short for him (digitally shortened Ludacris) is as dependable as a Saw movie around Halloween. That’s all I could think when I first saw the trailer for Four Christmases, a movie about a couple forced to spend time with their family during the holidays.
Digital elves are now replaced with Reese Witherspoon (actually that’s a step up) but the message of family seems to be intact. In fact the movie in general looks like it might be fun. Vaughn is still a funny guy even if he seems to be in a theme rut. Would it have been so hard to make this a Thanksgiving themed movie? There are so few and you really reach a wider audience when you don’t force your story into a religious holiday. Do you think the Nation of Islam ran out to see Fred Claus? Hell no, but they watch Planes, Trains and Automobiles when that’s on every Thanksgiving. Think about it Hollywood…
I feel like we’re going through a period of terrible titles and Sex Drive is no exception. The movie is much less common then the name it’s given. Even better then the name of the book it’s based on – “All the Way”. When I first heard the title “Sex Drive “ it didn’t register with me. I read it and thought, “Sex Drive? What a lazy title for a road trip sex comedy." It didn't occur to me until at least 3 days later that "Sex Drive" is an actual phrase people use to describe libido. For some reason that took time to click.
What’s sad is that it still doesn’t make the title any good. It’s keeping good company this fall though with titles like Body of Lies, Bangkok Dangerous and Quantum of Solace. I started a thread looking for the worst movie titles of all time and there have been some great responses. I wouldn’t go as far as to say Sex Drive needs to be included on that list, but it’s a lot less clever of a title than it thinks itself to be.
Before I go – for everyone that e-mailed me saying they enjoyed yesterday’s random tribute to Eddie Money, let’s shake it up a little. Thanks for reading, guys.
Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - The Introduction
Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.
First Appearance - Fever Pitch
Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior
Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.
First Appearance - V for Vendetta
Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison
Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.
First Appearance - 300
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe
Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.
First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet
Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.
First Appearance - Four Brothers
Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.
First Appearance - Ultraviolet
Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.
First Appearance - The Producers
Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!
Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?
First Appearance - Saw IV
Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V