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Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.

Changeling

Starring: Angelina Jolie, John Malkovich, Jeffrey Donovan, Colm Feore, Amy Ryan, Geoffry Pierson, Denis O’Hare, Michael Kelly, Jason Butler Harner, Eddie Alderson

Directed by: Clint Eastwood

Universal Studios

The Official Site of Changeling

Discuss Changeling on the boards!

You feel every minute of the 2 and a half hours in Clint Eastwood’s latest film Changeling, a true story based on the life of Christine Collins and her battle against the Los Angeles Police Department over the return of her missing son in 1928. The film suffers in its progress, often going a minute too long in every scene in its efforts to be faithful to the source. Often, it read as “predictable” to me. I’d wished they’d just get to the point but was often impressed when scenes didn’t unravel quite as expected showing me how what we expect counts for nothing when it comes to real life.

In the story Collins fights the LAPD after they return a boy to her that is not her son. How much is he not her son? Well he’s 3 inches shorter and circumcised, but the mother didn’t need as many facts to know that the boy paraded in front of her was not the same boy that went missing 5 weeks prior.

Jeffrey Donovan, who plays J.J. Jones, the Captain assigned to the case, is more of a salesmen than a cop as he does everything in his power to convince Mrs. Collins that this is her son. She’s strong-armed into taking the boy home and is brushed off when she continues to plead her case. At one point the Captain sends over a doctor who explains a boy’s spine can actually shrink in times of great stress. This received more than a few chuckles and guffaws in the elderly crowd I saw the film with this afternoon.

The fake reunion is played up like a publicity stunt to get a little good will for the crooked Police Department in a city that fears but doesn’t respect them. Leading the charge against them is Rev. Briegleb (John Malkovich) who comes to the aid of Collins and urges her to press forward. Malkovich is extraordinary in the film, bursting into government buildings demanding to see people in charge like only he can do. Few people know how to use Malcovich correctly and after I saw his pedophile mustache and wavy come over in the previews I had little confidence, but Eastwood unleashes him on screen the way he’s meant to be.

The film is filled with great performance from pros like Colm Feore, Michael Kelly, Amy Ryan (who actually does an Eastwood impression at one point I think) and Geoffry Pierson who I still can’t believe went from playing the GoBot version of Al Bundy on a show called Unhappily Ever After and is now stealing scenes in front of a Clint Eastwood movie. It just goes to show you that anything is possible in show business!

There’s one critical performance though that (and it bothers me judge a little kid like this) just doesn’t work. It wouldn’t have been so noticeable if it weren’t such a crucial scene in the film. I can’t say much without ruining a key plot point but suffice it to say the kid (Eddie Alderson) goes through a confession where he has to have a severe breakdown. He’s blubbering, pounding his hands on the ground, doing everything but crying to the heavens for forgiveness. It’s too big. I can almost see Halley Joel Osment playing it subtly before the crumbling into tears… Damn that kid was good.

The performance that counts is Jolie’s who is on screen the majority of the time as Collins. As expected she’s quite good. There are times where she gets a little whiney which was kind of odd to watch from the outside looking in. When I tried to put myself in her situation though, I realized it’s exactly how I would react if it were me. When you’re pushed to a certain point you just lose it completely and don’t make any sense and start to not even recognize the world around you. I could see that in her and recognized the genuineness of it. It was nice even though I had to do a little work to really see it.

Jolie has a persona as being a strong woman in real life but it’s fascinating to see her take that 80 years back in time to a day and age where women weren’t give the same respect or regard. She’s playing herself but in a very different way, if that makes any sense.

Collins’ story may not be as well known as that of the sinking of the Titanic or the attacks in Munich but a well as we know the particulars of how that boat sank or those athletes died, the stories told in the films about them showed us so much more then we could’ve assumed. Imagine what you can take away from a true story you know next to nothing about. A story little enough to slip through the cracks but significant enough to change the seats in power and the way the government of Los Angeles evaluated the certain sectors. Changeling is too long, a touch too obvious, but a powerful story that hits the right notes, even if it takes its time doing it.

Rating: 6 out of 10 - The film is definitely too long. While I can see why it’s all necessary for telling the complete story, audiences are not go to respond to the length well. For some reason the world doesn’t like to get as much bang for their buck as they can when it comes to sitting in the same place for too long. Changeling should play better on home video.

On Nerd watch – the film was written for the screen by J. Michael Straczynski, comic book author and creator of Babylon 5. It’s always interesting when someone tackles a new subject matter but I would hardly call this success. Most of his writing credits are in television and I think it shows here. Changeling plays like a season of TV jammed into 3 episodes. Too big for TV, too small for the movies.

Not for me, but I rarely buy movies like this for repeat viewings. Perhaps I should. There’s little to be said for watching as much crap I do on a regular basis. On my tombstone it will say something to the effect of. “Loving husband, father… watched Point Break 238 times…”

Nobel Son - Nope, that’s not a spelling error. Nobel Son is a kidnapping adventure about a group of thugs after a Nobel prize winner’s cash prize. The trailer makes it look light a light black comedy with the perfect amount of violence, laughs and the introduction of a recognizable and likeable actor every 15 seconds or so. There’s a new face popping up often enough to make the movie worth seeing for the talent alone.

I love movies like this. It feels like Suicide Kings meets In Bruges, and if it can balance genuine laughs with complex and interesting storytelling then we might have a bright light of crime and comedy here at the end of the year.

The L.A. Times has put together a page with all the relevant clippings from the story back in the 1920’s. Fantastic stuff if you’ve seen the film or are willing to read a few spoilers about the case.

Emily Franks is based on a real local reporter here in New York that is super hot but always asks the worst questions imaginable. I was drawing a blank with the comic for Changeling, finding nothing in the material or talent worth poking fun at and decided to introduce this bumbling reporter that has the tendency of wasting opportunities and asking the most ridiculous thing imaginable. Inquiries about Halloween costumes to a Hollywood legend seemed like a fine intro.

Well Happy Halloween everyone. I hope you’re all hopped up on sugar and ready to party the night away dressed as your favorite pop culture reference. Yeo and I are not getting dressed up this year. I suspect we won’t truly get into the holiday until we have little ones to share it with or perhaps a cat that is willing to wear a hot dog costume.

We’ll more than likely spend the evening watching scary movies and eating various kinds of stinky cheese. I’m really looking forward to watching Clive Barker's latest film, Midnight Meat Train for free on line courtesy of Fearnet.com. Such a terrible title… but it didn’t deserve to be pushed through theaters with out a peep.

Before I go, that new wallpaper went up last night. I’ve gotten so much great feedback on the Ice Cream sandwich gag from the Saw comics (here and here) that I thought it would be fun to use that theme for the first JLCM wallpaper. As with the Matriculated wallpaper, for a limited time the proceeds will be going to help Breast Cancer research. There’s no minimum or maximum amount, just give what you can to help a good cause.

Tanks guys!

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Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V