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Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.

Twilight: Reading the Book

The Official Site of Twilight

Discuss Twilight on the boards!

I was drawn to this book. I can’t describe the attraction. I would pass the stacks of Twilight novels in the store and they would call to me, like a dark force whispering in my ear to come closer. A seductive voice saying… “This movie is goona be freaking huge… you should probably be up to speed on it.”

It may be the wrong reason to start reading the book but when people are clamoring that it’s going to be the next Harry Potter and that it’s already sold more tickets than Bond it seems dense to just write the book off as some silly teen fiction series. Similar clamoring that it was actually good didn’t hurt either.

For a few weeks I circled the book, talking myself in and then out of buying it, eventually deciding that I don’t read enough and a light love story might be just what I needed. Too bad the damn thing is 500 pages long with a story perfectly content in dragging its ass and wasting my time.

Before I go any further, I just want to point out that I have not yet finished the book. I’m about 150 pages in right now, right around the point where Bella, a young girl in a new town trying to deal with an estranged parent, a series of unwanted crushes, and life in perpetual shade (thanks to the doom and gloom of the upper north west), starts to put the pieces together of the mysterious beautiful stranger across the cafeteria. And what a relief! Bella spends so much time trying to figure out what’s so alluring about the super powered, cold as ice, wishy-washy lab partner, completely infatuated with him but never making it past a guess that he might be Spider-man. Seriously? SPIDER-MAN!?

Perhaps the book would have read better if I were asking the same questions she were but I struggled through the first few chapters chipping away 20 pages at a time only to end up screaming “He’s a VAMPIRE” at the pages in my hand before retreating to bed every night.

It would be one thing if the book were poorly written. It’s slow, without a doubt, but the characters and dialogue especially are very true. This is how teenagers act. This is how teenagers speak. Twilight has to take its time setting up the world just so the characters feel real. In the long run it’s worth it but Twilight isn’t exactly what you would call a page-turner. At least not the first 150 pages.

The majority of this first third of the book features conversations between Bella and Edward (that mysterious stranger). Even though one of the kids is a monster, these conversations feel as genuine as any I remember from those days of my life. Edward and Bella have an odd relationship but author Stephanie Meyers is able perfectly capture the awkwardness of what it’s like to be in love and not be sure how the other person feels. It’s something uniquely specific to being a teenager encountering that first love. And all of it, the excitement, the nervousness, the hope that that person will be there the next day, is all right there on the page.

While I previously had been only able to stomach 20 pages at a time, I forced myself the other night to really spend some time with the book. I got comfortable, unplugged the phone, turned off the TV, turned off the light, turned ON the light and really dug in to the book. It wasn’t effortless but it became easier to get through once stuff was actually happening, once Edward was starting to admit to Bella that there was something going on.

Right now I’m looking forward to something the trailer promises – the hunt. The trailer for Twilight is shrewdly cut into two sections – the romance and the hunt. Two people falling in love and one forced into protecting the others from the creatures of the night. The hunt looks fantastic in the previews and I can’t wait to see how it affects the characters in the novel. I’m just not there yet.

My hope is to finish things up before the film comes out so I can make a true comparison. I also hope that the story fills out a little so that I’ll be encouraged to check out the sequels. The series has a loyal following and I’d like to be one of them, but this first book (at least so far) is not helping me out at all.

I’m going to make Twilight an official member of the JLCM Book club. For those of you interested in discussing the book, the movie and the comparison of both, please feel free to post your thoughts in this thread here. Please though try to keep it spoiler free until the movie’s release next weekend.

I have no doubt in my mind that this is exactly how Steve would react to me reading Twilight in front of him. There would be at least 10 minutes of good-natured ribbing where he questioned my sexuality, sexual preferences and everything in between. Then I would mention how he never comes out on Tuesdays so that he can get home in time to see One Tee Hill and the conversation would come to an end.

I bet OTH is actually a pretty good show though. I liked it enough the first season before I had to drop it because of scheduling conflict. I’d always intended to go back and check it out but then, while flipping through the guide, I saw that it was on the Soap Opera Network. There is no better way to scare a guy away from watching a show then by describing it to him as a “soap opera”. We understand that all our favorite drams are just less frequently produced versions of what our grandmothers watch in the middle of the afternoon, but let us watch in ignorance.

Nothing fancy to say down here other than thanks for reading. See you later!

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Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V

pimptour
@pimptour
RT @SD_Comic_Con: Digital Pimp is bringing the love, thunder, and jurassic to #SDCC with their DinoTHOR! exclusives: https://t.co/83z4drmn...
05 Jul 2022
Joe Dunn
@joedunn721
@ErikDavis This looks amazing. Viola Davis can do anything.♥️
06 Jul 2022
Kevin Gleason
@retail_rage
@joedunn721 The fun game we play at home at night is gunshots or fireworks.
02 Jun 2022