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Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.

Bride Wars

Starring: Kate Hudson, Anne Hathaway, Bryan Greenberg, Chris Pratt, Steve Howey, Candice Bergen, Kristen Johnston

Directed by: Gary Winick

20th Century Fox

The Official Site of Bride Wars

Discuss Bride Wars on the boards!

Bride Wars is not the kind of movie that should be good. Two friends scheming to sabotage each other’s wedding. Pranks to make people feel terrible about each other. Kate Hudson. What about that sounds good? My lack of enthusiasm could have less to do with any of that and more to do with me being a 30 year-old, jaded, New York City male and decidedly NOT the target audience of this film or any other film involving puffy dresses, floral arrangements and Candice Bergen in a pant suit. While there’s no surprise that I’d have trouble getting excited about the battle of the brides I was shocked when my wife was hesitant to go with me. This is a woman who proudly lists her two favorite movies on her Facebook page as Girls Just Want To Have Fun and Grease 2 (easily the girliest of the Grease series.) There are several reasons she should want to see this movie (I’ve sat through enough Bridezillas marathons to verify that) but she wanted nothing to do with it. In the end my better half took pity on my fear of being the-creepy-guy-sitting-by-himself and tagged along to watch the story of two best friends who have always dreamt of getting married in June at the Plaza.

Kate Hudson (who also produced the film) and Anne Hathaway (fresh of lots of Oscar buzz for her performance in Rachel Getting Married) play the two friends Liv and Emma. When their proposals come in right around the same time they decide to book their events together. One clerical error later and the lifelong friends end up with their big days on the same day. Sounds awful right?

Well, when neither is willing to bend they make it their goal to ruin the other’s perfect day. Dastardly plans involving blue hair dye and orange spray tans (apparently if you want to really screw with a bride’s head all you have to do is change her color scheme) are unleashed as the two decide that one day with the perfect dress, the perfect flowers and the perfect man is more important than a loyal friend.

None of that sounds like a fun night at the movies and somehow... it is. Hudson and Hathaway, despite rumors of on set fighting, are terrific together in the parts that demand them to go from supportive shoulder to cry on to formalwear cat fights. Hudson is stunning and while I’d prefer to see her picking up roles more in tune with her Oscar nominated performance as Penny Lane from Almost Famous, she’s making the most of her time in the sugar sweet, Matthew McConaughey, circle of romantic comedy hell. Likewise, there’s no reason Hathaway should be taking on something this generic, (Shouldn’t she be America’s sweetheart by now?) but the girls really own the screen and make you love them despite how wretched they’re behaving throughout. Regardless of the kind of movies a dim critic like me thinks they should be taking on, they’ve got the kind of careers and success that are good enough to promptly shut me up. If Bride Wars does anything it proves that the right casting can make the worst material sing.

As we left the theater my wife and I admitted to each other that we both thought the movie was better than what we’d expected (even with a little twist ending that felt forced enough to stand out but not so desperate that it ruined the film). Then she spent the next 15 minutes talking about how Liv’s wedding was tacky and how she loved the seating at Emma’s ceremony. Or at least I think that’s what she was talking about. I spent the better part of that Sunday afternoon trying to figure out how a movie with that much against it could actually work.

Rating: 6 out of 10 - Bride Wars should have been terrible but a great cast and a few light jokes really keep this bland idea afloat. There are certainly worse ways to start the year.

Bride Wars did pretty well at the box office though it couldn’t fight off the wide release of Gran Torino. Still, a hit is a hit. I’d like o think though that had they tried to appeal to a wider audience they could have done even better. In today’s incentive image I suggest that a little firepower or a rusty old chainsaw would have made this War sightly more interesting.

Uh… no.

I spent about a week trying to figure out a good joke for Bride Wars though I couldn’t tell you why I felt compelled to expend that kind of energy. For some reason it just wasn’t coming to me. In case like this I’ll often go to Yeo for some answers. Sometimes I’ll be straightforward and say something like, “I’m drawing a blank on this.” Other times I’ll be sneaky about it and just try to instigate a conversation that might lead to a joke. After a couple days of pressuring her to see the movie with me she said the line about how she’d be more excited if Kate Hudson weren’t in it. From there it took about 30 seconds for things to evolve in my head to the Grimace getting stabbed wearing a wedding dress.

The Grimace was also stabbed in my comic for Saw V. Back then I had no intentions of bringing the idea back but it seemed like a good fit of “unexpected character” and “random act of violence”, which the joke for Bride Wars needed.

I’d also like to make it clear that Yeo and I are actually quite fond of Kate Hudson though it’s been our experience that her movies are better at home then on the big screen. In other words, we enjoy her significantly more when it doesn’t cost us 12 bucks each to see her.

JLCM has been reviewed in the Hat Lobster Webcomics Showcase. When Brian, the man behind the curtain, first contacted me about the review I wasn’t sure what to think. A video review conducted by a lobster and a sea urchin chatting about web comics…? It didn’t take long for them to win me over though. The review is remarkably thorough and done from the perspective of a guy (or a crustacean) that’s obviously done his (or its) homework, yet it’s still done with a lot of style and laughs. I think they’ve got an instant classic character in Urchin and I could watch that crazy Lobster ride a mustache all day long. See for yourselves:

That’s it for now but I’ll be back with more soon. Thanks for reading.

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Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V

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