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Discuss this week's Joe Loves Crappy Movies here!

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Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li

Starring: Kristin Kreuk, Chris Klein, Neal McDonough, Robin Shou, Moon Bloodgood, Michael Clarke Duncan, Taboo

Directed by: Andrzej Bartkowiak

Warner Brothers Pictures

The Official Site of Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li

Discuss Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li the boards!

Is there anything I could possibly say to convince you that Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li is a worthwhile experience? Seriously, because if there is, let me know. I want to make sure I don’t say it.

I know that I’m always preaching that people should judge things for themselves and see things before jumping to conclusions but after sitting through this latest incarnation of Street Fighter I want to save you guys the grief. I can’t imagine there’s anything here for even the diehard fans of the classic arcade game to embrace. Sure there’s a knowing wink here and there, a set of beautiful leading ladies and a vicious battle or two but the presentation is a mess and the end result is just another Street Fighter movie that should have been better then it was.

The plot of the film is lifted right from the videogame. A man in power (M. Bison, played up as a fierce businessman by the wonderful Neal McDonough) kidnaps Chun Li’s father. Years later when she’s old enough to fight back she hunts down the evil real estate tycoon (kind of a fundamental twist from the caped madman we’re used to in the game), but before she can defeat him she must surrender herself to the art of fighting. Or some crap like that.

It’s a simple story and I appreciate that they didn’t try to complicate things like they did in the overly campy 1994 version. That film was crowded with every character that had ever kicked their way across the arcade game’s screen and at least 4 separate storylines to corral them all into the same underground bunker by movie’s end. The Legend of Chun Li chooses a more focused approach witch, along with a grittier sense of realism, would have been wonderful had they actually told the story well.

Perhaps the movie was too simple because Street Fighter’s true failing is its pacing. Had there been more of a story to tell then maybe they wouldn’t have had to stretch every scene out 30 seconds longer then they needed to. We get a lot of filler that the solid but seldom fights don’t come close to making up for.

Kruek is perfectly cast as the young warrior though she’s given little to do. Despite the serious subject matter there’s nothing specific to stretch her acting muscles but she looks like a natural in the action sequences and more importantly she looks the part of Chun Li – hot and Asian. Okay, more specifically she looks young and impressionable. This is after all the story of a warrior being born so we need to believe that this is her first adventure and Kruek makes that a welcoming and believable introduction.

Her being hot becomes the highlight of the movie and even though they downplay her sex appeal throughout, you can’t help but look forward to every time she graces the screen. Something they’re not downplaying is the hotness or cleavage of Moon Bloodgood, who protects the streets of Thailand in the lowest cut shirts that a PG-13 rating will allow. I’m not complaining. She looks great and she’s actually the best performer in the entire piece, even with the insurmountable obstacle of acting opposite Chris Kline. I’m a big fan of Kline, I think he’s perfected the loveable goofball (American Pie, Election, Say It Ain’t So) but I just don’t buy him as the gruff and tough street cop. Every time he barked “Nash Out.” Into a walkie talkie I sunk a little lower in my seat.

When Ersal, Phil (the other two guys in the comic) and I left the theater we talked a lot about this film versus the original Van Damme Street Fighter, which we had watched earlier that afternoon. That film is ridiculously campy but is also very self aware. They embrace it. Phil made the great point that perhaps a little camp is what this franchise needs. This is after all a movie based on a game about electronic monsters and energy shooting martial arts masters. None of us were especially inspired by Van Damme’s “I’m getting on my boat” speech or his Flash Kick defeat of a magnetically charged Bison, but we were laughing and having a good time with Street Fighter from start to finish.

I can’t say the same for The Legend of Chun Li. I admit that I was eager to see if they could pull off the grittier angle but despite the new approach and appropriate casting they give us another forgettable version of a movie that should be an easy sell to anyone that’s ever spent an afternoon in the arcade fierce punching their way to victory.

Rating: 3 out of 10 - Someday a perfect Street Fighter movie will be made. Something on par with the animated films produced during the 90s that managed to include the full cast of characters without getting crowded or detracting from a story told with depth and excitement. Maybe we should’ve just watched that.

The fact that I own the original Street Fighter on DVD should tip you off that I’m willing to give a movie a second chance. Or, at the very least, I’m wiling to give a movie a second chance if it costs less then 5 dollars. I can’t say I’d be willing to give The Ledged of Chun Li that same luxury.

I’m sorry but I think it’s ridiculous that Taboo, the dancing rapper from the Black Eyed Peas, landed the role of Vega in this film. Vega is the prime supporting role of this franchise. He’s the silent badass that everyone loves and not only is he completely wasted in this film’s plot, but he is also woefully miscast.

See, I had no idea that it was Taboo behind the mask, and when the reveal is made in Vega’s big showdown against Chun Li, I can’t express to you the emotions I went through upon recognizing the pop star. I honestly can’t decide though if I was bothered more by who was behind the mask or the fact that I recognized whom it was right away. I’ve been watching too much VH1 in the mornings before work.

So who should the part have gone to? That’s easy – an unknown. Why try and cast a badass when you can create one. Just like anyone that’s cast as Superman gets the all-American boy scout stigma attached to them, whomever got the part of Vega would instantly become that bad ass. Hollywood thinks we need everyone to be someone. Don’t be afraid to introduce someone to us every now and then.

It’s been a little while since my last update. I was out of town for a week dealing with some family stuff and when I got back it seemed like there were a thousand and one things to take care of. The strip with no update schedule seemed like the easiest sacrifice. But I’m back and I’m answering e-mails again (Hold tight. Replies are comin!) and I’m dealing with the winners of the JLCM Oscar Pool. No one was able to top my 17 out of 24 win but I decided I should at least hook up the runners-up that were able to get 14 out of 24. As soon as those folks get back to me I will get to work on their sketches and I’ll be sure to share them with you guys.

That is it for tonight though, but there will be another update as soon as I can get back to the drawing board. Thanks!

Joe Dunn's Facebook profile

Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V