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Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.

Monsters vs. Aliens

Starring: Reese Witherspoon, Seth Rogen, Hugh Laurie, Will Arnett, Kiefer Sutherland, Rainn Wilson, Stephen Colbert, Paul Rudd

Directed by: Rob Letterman, Conrad Vernon

Dreamworks Animation

The Official Site of Monsters vs. Aliens

Discuss Monsters vs. Aliens on the boards!

Monsters vs. Aliens should’ve been a catastrophe. I’m not talking about actual monsters and aliens fighting for planet Earth, which would almost certainly be catastrophic, I’m referring instead to the latest animated feature film from Dreamworks that pits a slew of classic monsters against an alien invasion in a modern setting with a classic 50’s sci-fi B-movie vibe. That sentence was a catastrophe so you could imagine how crowded and complex the movie would be. Different characters spinning off in too many directions never focusing long enough to tell a story worth telling. Instead this kid’s movie finds a leading lady with a simple message and turns a crowded ensemble into the most horribly grotesque and wonderfully entertaining support system you could imagine.

Choosing to focus the film on Susan (Reese Witherspoon), the quiet beauty who was about to begin a life with her new husband before getting hit by a meteorite and growing 50 feet, was the smartest thing the film could do. It gives the audience a point of reference and a specific adventure to follow complete with a family friendly message. In this case it’s “finding the hero inside yourself” or something like that. I couldn’t be bothered with life lessons once the parade of beautifully animated monsters starting showing up.

Focusing on one character also allows those supporting characters to become just that – support. This is Susan’s journey and everyone else is just popping up from time to time to lend a little emotion or comic relief when needed. We don’t get to learn too much about the crew of monsters, the eccentric President, or the attacking alien overlord, but their limited doses of memorable laughs are just enough to endear them to you in the long run. We come to love them without any unnecessary baggage.

Susan is imprisoned with the other monsters quickly after her transformation and as you would expect she freaks out a little when meeting her new roommates. Hugh Laurie is perfectly cast as the mad scientist/giant cockroach, Dr. Cockroach Ph.D as is Seth Rogen as B.O.B. the Blob who earns a lot of the films one-liner laughs, but the true stand out of the group has got to be its largest - Insectosaurus. This adorable monstrosity had the uncanny ability of disappearing into the background and then showing up in perfect comedic timing. The gang would be in the middle of a big scene and then someone would say, “then of course there’s Insectosaurus…” and this gigantic beast would step into the frame as if he’d been there all along but you just missed him. As if you could miss his baseball field sized eyes and death howl.

Watching Susan adapt to life in monster prison is interesting but things don’t really take off until the monsters are recruited to stop an alien invasion lead by Gallaxhar (Rainn Wilson)

As a whole the film is beautifully animated but it shines the brightest when they’re let out to play during he film’s big action sequences. We first get to see the monsters in action in the streets of San Francisco against a towering alien robot that has no problem walking through a building or ten to get to his target, our very own 50-foot woman scurrying away as quickly as she can in a pair of makeshift roller skates (courtesy of a couple of abandoned cars on the highway). The action is inventive, clever and sharp. It’s also too infrequent. There are really only two major sequences in the film that dazzle and impress. Then on your way to the parking lot you do the math only to find out how light the movie really is.

Monsters vs Aliens has enough laughs and great characterization to survive without the explosions and the 3-D is vivid enough to make even the plainest scenes pop but another battle or two really would have made this something special. You’re an animated movie with “Vs.” in the title for God’s sake – Show us what you can do!

The film’s only true misfires in my mind were a few too many pop culture references. They got some of the biggest laughs so there’s something to it but why date yourself with something as frivolous as Dance Dance Revolution. Or is DDR timeless? You tell me. I could be wrong… It’s a pitiful complaint considering how much the film does get right. With its laughs and visuals Monsters vs. Aliens is the surest bet of the New Year. A clean, simple masterpiece.

Rating: 9 out of 10 - Monsters vs. Aliens is a terrific film and very much accessible to all ages. We’re getting to a point in the year where one blockbuster knocks the previous week’s out of the theater before you can blink. Letting movies where The Rock is a “space babysitter“ or Nic Cage is playing Sudoku go is one thing… but don’t let Monsters vs. Aliens slip past you.

This thing is going to look gorgeous on Blue Ray that should be good enough reason right there.

Transformers are aliens. That’s obvious right? And the loveable cast of Sesame Street is at least 63% monsters. Every one from Grover to Elmo to Cookie Monster (Dur) are monsters. You could even argue that Big Bird is some sort of growth experiment gone wrong. Anyway, that’s where this joke was born though it did go through a few variations. The first idea had Frankenstein kicking E.T. in the balls. Turns out E.T. doesn’t have balls. The next version had ALF squaring off against Harry from Harry and the Hendersons but then I remembered no one liked watching their shows when they were on so why would they want to watch them do anything now. I actually kind of miss ALF a little.

Optimus Prime saying “near” might be the least accessible part of the joke. How many of you remember the old bit that Grover used to do on Sesame Street where he’d run up close to the camera and say “near” then he’d run really far away from the camera and scream “far”? Does he still do this or is Elmo doing everything he used to do? Either way, I was tickled by the idea that Prime was playing “near far” with Grover using his giant metal fist. Sorta makes him a jerk though.

Yesterday I announced the release of the Joe Loves Crappy Movies Volume 1 collection as well as the Kill Zombie Wash Shirt. Follow this link for a detailed description of the new releases as well as details on combos and free sketches for a limited time. Bellow are a few examples of the sketches I did today. Head to this thread on the boards to see many more.

Needless to say I’m very excited about the collection and very anxious to share it with you guys. I stayed up late last night cranking out some of those first sketch requests that came through. Those people will have their copies dropped in the mail as soon as I’m finished making this post. God willing they’ll be reading through it in a couple days. Except for the Canadians with their fancy schmancy “customs department”. I’m just messing with you. Love ya Canada.

Love you all. You guys have been hugely supportive and I’m so grateful. Thank you.

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Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V

pimptour
@pimptour
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@joedunn721
.. and now every time I load my dishwasher I think about Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddy Prince Jr. eating enchiladas.
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