Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.
Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.
With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.
Viewed: 7:15 pm 8/20/05
Starring: Rachel McAdams, Cillian Murphy, Brian Cox
Directed by: Wes Craven
2005 has not been a good year for Wes Craven First his hip werewolf thriller Cursed arrived and did nothing. Now the much more anticipated Red Eye receives some of the best buzz of his long and successful career, but ultimately fails to take off. I'm trying to figure out if it's a personal problem. It's possible that it just didn't live up to the hype, or my own expectations. But should I give acclaim to a sub par thriller? Sure it's the best thriller of 2005, but what's its competition?
Let's start with the good. For the first time Cravens nature to cast the it actors of the time paid off. Because he got two of the better actors working in Hollywood right now. Thank god talent is hip. Rachel McAdams and Cillian Murphy have done, pretty much only top notch movies. McAdams is credited in The Hot Chick, but with every movie she does she gets better, and the material gets better, so there's no problem there.
Both are very natural on screen. The opening half hour of set up, before they even get on the plane is the most entertaining moment of the film. McAdams is so convincing and entertaining as a hotel coordinator that I would be surprised if we didn't see a new NBC hour long drama called "The Hotel" (or some crap) in the fall 2006 season.
The banter between Murphy and MacAdems is brilliant, and you look forward for the inevitable clash of the strong willed heroine, and the dangerously smooth and calm mastermind.
When they get on the plane it starts out great. When the villain reveals himself it has the shock and impact you would hope it would. Murphy is creepy, but charming and in control. At some point he looses all of that completely. The heroine fights back naturally, and he catches her at every turn. But he does so with none of the smooth creepy composure that had been established. He's almost freaking out as much as she was. The Rippner character would have been much more convincing if he thwarted her attempts with a quiet confidence instead of a frantic shuffle.
Craven does nothing on the plane. There are obvious things like fear of flying or claustrophobia that are touched on but never really taken advantage of. That's fine. Part of me says ? well, that's too obvious. Too clich?. It's better to come up with new interesting ideas to keep the audience guessing.
But nothing. A book, a bathroom, a headbutt. BOREING. I watched as an hour of screen time went by and a whole lot of nothing went on. IT was really just more set up for how the movie would wrap up. Then the plane lands and things finally get going. From the second the plane touches down you feel the tension and urgency you'd been waiting for. And it does last for the remaining 20 minutes. But for all of that, all the set up, all the character development? is it wrong that I was more afraid of McAdams then I was of Murphy? There is a showdown where they face off in a sorts (I'm trying to bee vague for spoilers sake). And the ENTIRE time I was more worried about what she was going to do to him then what he was going to do to her. That's messed up! She ways 96 pounds soaking wet and she was set to kick his ass.
It ends well, if not predictably. And as disappointed I am with the over all product there are strong moments of acting and filmmaking. I'm just bitter as hell over the opportunities that went to waste here. "A person trapped on a plane with no way out." Thousands of possibilities. Not one interesting one used.
4 out of 10 Some strong performances and genuinely entertaining ideas, but not nearly the caliber thriller that it's being made out to be.
DVD worthy?: Unfortunately no. While there are moments worth rewatching, owning Red Eye on DVD would just be a reminder of what could have been.
If you liked this movie check out : Rear Window
The ultimate thriller where our hero is trapped in an unlikely situation that is out of his control. Rear Window is perfect and if it came out today I'd give it a 10. Rent it and watch as Hitchcock and crew scare the balls out of you. I still think about that flashbulb scene.
Just for the record this is Hitchcock's Rear Window, not the one starring Christopher Reeves. A good reader warned me there might be some confusion, and I don't want to be responsible for anyone watching that.
Trailer Hitch: Stay
I walked in as this trailer was rolling (long lines grrrr?) but I was sucked in right away. I know so little about it but the trailer was as good as the cast. Ewam MccGregor, Naomi Watts, Ryan Gosling. Director Foster (Finding Neverland, Monsters Ball) obviously knows what he's doing. It'll be interesting to see him tackle this sci-fi-esque thriller.
Today's vote incentive will stay in your mind and keep you awake shivering and cold. Prepare yourself to view fear in its purest form! Thanks to everyone whose been voting. I'm thrilled with how well it's been going, and for the response I'm getting to the strips. It's all extremely encouraging and keeps me hopeful to the future of JLCM. Special thanks to Theater hopper who have been supporting the new vote incentives in a big way. You're a good man, Brazelton.
Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - The Introduction
Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.
First Appearance - Fever Pitch
Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior
Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.
First Appearance - V for Vendetta
Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison
Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.
First Appearance - 300
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe
Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.
First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet
Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.
First Appearance - Four Brothers
Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.
First Appearance - Ultraviolet
Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.
First Appearance - The Producers
Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!
Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?
First Appearance - Saw IV
Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V