Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.
Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.
With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.
The Brothers Grimm
Viewed: 4:10:pm 8/26/05
Starring: Matt Damon, Heath Ledger, Monica Bellucci
Directed by: Terry Gilliam
Terry Gilliam has actually changed my life. Seriously, the amount of time I've invested watching 12 Monkeys over and over again is neither healthy nor sanitary. Whatever you say, the man is a genius, and beyond Monkeys has contributed to film a slew of original masterpieces. I owe the man so much. At the very least, the respect to see whatever he produces. I did. And I'm glad I did, but my experience with Brother's Grimm was also unhealthy, and unsanitary but for completely different reasons.
Damon and Ledger who play these "ghost busting" brother's are very good. Damon plays it a little over the top for my taste when they're "selling the drama" so to speak, but I realize it's what the situation called for. For the most part the two are fantastic in the movie and they have a genuine chemistry between each other. Almost brotherly. I'm making light of it, but seriously, they are a fine pair.
Ledger for me was the stand out. I barely recognized him here. He really took the character and ran with it. The fact that he went to the extra efforts made it easier to appreciate the true talent he is.
The other performances were fine. Nothing offensive beyond some over the top French accents, but there was nothing there that stood out the way Ledger did. Peter Stomare who I adore for his quirky left field performances, starts off as completely unwatchable in this movie. (Honestly it's the damn French accent. His is fine, but? well it's annoying. Sorry France.) But sure enough his gruff warrior with a heart of gold, wins you over.
The movie works best when it's either action packed or dealing heavily with magic, mythology, ?.general wonder? basically fantasy. When it appeals to your inner child it's very easy to get wrapped up in things. But the journey and set up to get there are poorly paced. So much set up establishing the characters, this whole "enemy of the state thing". I know, it's plot, I shouldn't complain, but even when they get where there going, I felt like I was waiting for things to really get going.
Of course when they do. They REALLY do. If you weren't afraid of horses before? you will be now. Creepy. Not really scary (which would have been a plus) but definitely creepy. And there is plenty of that. A good bit of imagination put into the plot including "mystical" blades, and transforming animals. Honest to god. Check out the change on that animal, it's how 90% of the Transformers toys work. I laughed for a good 2 minutes.
But for the imagination it does have, I would have expected more. Screenwriter Ehren Kruger's credits include both Ring movies, but also the criminally under appreciated Imposter and Arlington Road which are both movies of high tension and high concept. Both filled with enough twist and turns to spin you around in your seat. Grimm doesn't have nearly enough of that which is unfortunate because a movie like this needs that like crazy.
The most insulting moment is the ending. Not only does it sully the movie, but also it makes you realize that every fairy tale is crap. Every fairy tale couldn't think of a good believable ending. So they all end the same. It's too random. Like a tacked on ending that's cute but devoid of inspiration.
Gilliam's direction? there's nothing wrong with it. There are good performances and the movie is flawless looking. There's a great over all feel. But it's missing the same Magic from 12 Monkeys or the Fisher King or Fear and Loathing. I respect him taking on a completely different challenge. But something's missing. God I feel awful, the man is really one of the best storytellers we've got right now.
4 out of 10 It's fair to call this rating bitter disappointment. I love the idea, I love the crew behind it. I just wish I loved the product.
DVD worthy?: No. Even thought the more time I spend away from it, the more I begin to appreciate the good in it. It's not completely without merit. For the right person this could be a home run. But for me, to buy it on DVD, it would have needed a lot more magic. (I don't mean magic literally? well actually, more of that wouldn't have been bad. Ok. Literally and figuratively. Let's go with that.)
If you liked this movie check out: Willow
Willow, the tale of a dwarf and a warrior saving a young child who in turn is destine to save the world, is a classic example of a magical adventure. It has all the charm, imagination, and fantasy that a movie like this needs. Added in are perfect amounts of humor, love, and action. Admittedly it doesn't have the same flash and pizzazz that Grimm's has, but it achieves a lot with the little it has.
Trailer Hitch: Two for the Money
This is a movie about the world of organized gambling. The trailer gives away a ridiculous amount, which I won't. I'll tell you what you need to know. Matthew McConaugheyI leads the cast as a young man with luck making all the right picks. Al Pacino recruits him into a high stakes world. That's enough set up for me. I like McConaugheyI find him charming and relatable. Pacino looks great. Crazy and intense. The guys just plane good. He gives good performances. It's what he does. He wakes up in the morning and acts brilliantly the way you wake up and make an egg. The movie looks worth it just for that.
As good as he is all the time, the movies have been known to misfire. But this one has a nice head start.
If you would like to see our red headed friend from the comic getting ready to freak an old rotting version of the very beautiful Monnica Bellucci, then just Cast your vote. The voting over at the Web Comics List has been going great. I appreciate all you guys have done for Digital Pimp and JLCM. I'm trying to think of something special for the new month. I'll have some sort of announcement about that in the next couple days, once I put a finer point on things. There will be official announcements on the main page at Digital Pimp, but I'll most likely talk about it first in my LiveJournal. I like to run stuff by people through LJ first. See what they think. See if it's worth perusing. If you want your 2 cents to count, swing on by.
Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - The Introduction
Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.
First Appearance - Fever Pitch
Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior
Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.
First Appearance - V for Vendetta
Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison
Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.
First Appearance - 300
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe
Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.
First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet
Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.
First Appearance - Four Brothers
Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.
First Appearance - Ultraviolet
Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.
First Appearance - The Producers
Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!
Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?
First Appearance - Saw IV
Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V