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Discuss this week's Joe Loves Crappy Movies here!

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Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.

Observe and Report

Starring: Seth Rogen, Ray Liotta, Michael Peña, Anna Faris, Jesse Plemons, Celia Weston, Collette Wolfe, Aziz Ansari

Directed by: Jody Hill

Warner Brothers Pictures

The Official Site of Observe and Report

Discuss Observe and Report on the boards!

It can’t be an easy time to be a mall cop. Not that the profession was especially respected before 2009 but now that Hollywood has decided it’s the premier occupation to mock on the big screen, you just know there’s hundreds if not thousands of these hardworking “rent-a-cops” dealing with being called “Paul Blart” by some 12 year-old punks on a daily basis. Now with the release of Observe and Report, a film that shares a lot of the themes of the underdog taking on a challenge and potential love interest way out of his league, that Paul Blart: Mall Cop parlayed into a 3 week run at the number 1 spot and over 140 million dollars domestically, those 12 year-olds will have a whole new set of material to work with. Mall cops are now not only pudgy losers, they’re also bi-polar, obsessive gun nuts that use the F-word too much and kind of date rape people… Or maybe I’m reading too much into it.

This is my not so subtle way of letting you know how many lines Observe and Report willing crosses. Many of them not so shocking as the Internet buzz would have you believe but just enough to make you gasp a little before laughing. That is of course if you’re up for a 5-minute, slow motion, naked chase scene. Just in time for Easter.

Seth Rogen plays Ronnie, the head of mall security in Observe and Report. He’s not sweet or loveable, in fact… Ronnie is the least likable character that Rogen has ever played but in this world it doesn’t seem to matter. He’s easy to understand and root for in his current crisis of stopping the parking lot flasher, the midnight robber and of course winning the love of the slutty make-up counter girl he secretly lusts after in-between shifts.

Anna Faris plays that girl, Brandi and is also the focus of that could-be date rape scene. I think it’s arguable that it’s not date rape, I mean, she’s the one that takes the drugs and the booze and eggs him on to finish the job. When it comes down to it though, if it gets to the point where you have to defend something as “not being a date rape scene” then you may have gone too far already. I’m certainly not condoning rape in any form, nor am I condoning laughing at the idea of rape – there’s nothing funny about it – but this scene doesn’t read as obviously as the rumors online would have you believe. It could really go either way, which is kind of twisted in its own right.

Observe and Report is put together remarkably well. The perfect amount of humor, absurdity and story progression to keep you interested throughout. It’s a huge improvement for writer/director Jody Hill who, in his first film The Foot Fist Way, seemed more concerned in creating a great character (with his star Danny McBride) then actually telling a story worth telling.

With Observe and Report he leans on some worthy crutches in his casting including McBride as a tattooed gang leader and Ray Liotta as Ronnie’s rival in the police department. For me the standouts were less obvious. I thought Collette Wolfe was fantastic as the crippled coffee girl that longs after Ronnie and I could watch Aziz Ansari do his “F--- YOU” battle for at least another hour. Michael Peña though steals the show as Dennis, Ronnie’s right hand man. He’s the only one in the film that plays his part as if it were written for a broad comedy. So much so that he would be just as believable as Ace Ventura or Roger Rabbit’s sidekick. Somehow it works in the dark, depressing atmosphere of Observe and Report. He wins a dozen laughs with the shake of a head or how he reads a postcard. It’s the perfect amount of crazy to keep the film from being too discouraging.

If only every mall cop in the world had a cartoon sidekick to break up the monotony and distract them from the pre-teens whipping cupcakes at them. They face another couple months of movie-fueled mockery and then a nice little break until the DVDs hit at the end of the summer. Until that washes over it looks like the only place it’s easy to be a mall cop is on the big screen where the underdog always wins.

Rating: 7 out of 10 - There were so many warnings on line about how graphic and disturbing this movie was that I half expected not to like it at all. It was awesome to find it to be genuinely shocking but not so much so that I was too distracted to laugh.

The dark take on mall cops certainly hasn’t had the same level of success at the box office that Paul Blart but from start to finish it is a more complete and (more importantly) funnier film. They’re made for such different audiences though that it hardly seems to matter. Only us poor crossover saps that like a good dark comedy and The King of Queens will go on an on about the great mall cop showdown of 09.

Tough call. I’ve become more and more cautious with comedies like this that casually fling around the f-word or a sack of testicles as placeholders for actual jokes. Observe and Report has as much sharply written humor as it does testicles and cuss words but I haven’t decided yet if that’s enough to warrant laying down another 15 bucks.

Year One - I didn’t think much of the Year One preview when it showed up during the Super Bowl but I’ve begun to warm up to it these past few weeks. Especially in the extended second trailer that gives us a better idea at how extensive the movie might be.

I remember being afraid tat it would be 90 minutes of Jack Black and Michael Cera as hipster cavemen sitting around with giant dinosaur bones and old Flintstone gags. But the longhaired, hide-wearing duo seems to be just the launching point for this film. They change things up, go to different locations, explore different themes of the era, cut their hair and manage to stay hip. Exploring the cultures of that time seems key in keeping things from getting stale and they seem to be having a lot of fun with it.

Also… it’s hard for me not to want director Harold Ramis to find success on the big screen again. He’s experienced some misses in recent years but it’s important to remember that this is the guy that directed Caddyshack, Vacation and Groundhog’s Day. He’s got what it takes and I’m desperate to see that connection be made again. Let me know what you think about Year One on the boards.

Hey, I hope everyone had a great holiday weekend. Yeo and I decided on Friday that we needed to have some family time and we hopped in the car and headed to Virginia. It was great to getaway and visit ith her side of the family. I was thrilled to have the chance to take my niece and nephew (ages 4 and 2) to see Monsters vs. Aliens. They both liked it but were terrified of the aliens. It made me realize that I need to start thinking about the kid’s perspective a little bit more while writing my reviews for films targeted at them. I’d like to think that I take them into consideration but the look on my nephew’s face when Galaxar first reared his ugly head was enough to convince me that I should put some more time into it.

That’s it for today but there will be more tomorrow, and be sure to stop by during the day to check out some of the sketches for the JLCM Book that I’ll be posting in this thread here. Swing on by and check it out if you have some down time.

Joe Dunn's Facebook profile

Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V