Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.
Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.
With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.
Dealing With the Shame
The Official Site of Dragonball Evolution
Discuss Dragonball Evolution on the boards!
If the last strip was how I felt before seeing Dragonball: Evolution then this is certainly how I felt after it. Make no mistake about it – there’s definitely shame involved in not only admitting to you that I liked the film but also in admitting it to myself. It was not supposed to be good. Like, there was never a chance. It was clear that everyone had given up on it. I really think that zero expectations for its success played in its favor this time around.
So, it wasn’t supposed to be good and by many accounts it’s not but I still had a good time with it and I’m naturally having some trouble coming to terms with that. Steve had twittered me saying that I should have been in charge of their PR campaign because my review made him want to see the movie more than any of the actual promotion he saw, which is a huge compliment. I’d like to think that I inspired a couple of you to check it out but I hope I didn’t change your expectations of it at all. Keep it low. So low that it’s impossible to be disappointed. That’s the only real way to counter the shame.
The reaction after leaving the theater I could only describe as an odd combination of shock, confusion, adrenaline and self-hatred. It’s that feeling you get when you’re flipping through the channels and you find Roadhouse on AMC. You argue with yourself over why anything starring Patrick Swayze could be considered an American Movie Classic (besides Point Break an I right?) but you still linger long enough to see him rip that dudes throat out.
I’m not sure what the big life lesson is here but it’s definitely nice to be surprised at theaters every now and then. Spotty story or not, Dragonball surly had a few surprises.
I caught a preview of the new Russell Crowe movie State of Play last night. Fantastically entertaining. Truly suspenseful and well done from start to finish. My only complaint would be its finale. I’ll elaborate more in the full review but the long and short of it is that there’s a twist and it feels forced. It feels like a tacked on requirement for today’s “sophisticated” audiences. I put sophisticated in quotes so as to imply that we’re really not so sophisticated at all and that our films need a checklist of tried and true standards that are secretly ruining the industry. Like I said, I’ll get into it more sometime tomorrow but you should definitely check it out. Just don’t get psyched about any “big twists”.
As much as I enjoyed and recommend to you State of Play, I’m vastly more excited about the release of Crank 2 High Voltage. I loved the original one and even watched it yesterday to make sure it’s still awesome. (Everything checks out.) The sequel is apparently just as ridiculous and insane as the first (go figure with the fake robot heart and all) so I’ve got huge hopes for it at this point.
Irv and I are doing it up right. We’re meeting up at 5, getting hammered and stumbling across the street for an 8 or 9 o’clock screening. There will most likely be an unnecessary amount of high-fiving.
That’s it for now but thanks for swinging by. More tomorrow.
Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - The Introduction
Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.
First Appearance - Fever Pitch
Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior
Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.
First Appearance - V for Vendetta
Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison
Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.
First Appearance - 300
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe
Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.
First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet
Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.
First Appearance - Four Brothers
Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.
First Appearance - Ultraviolet
Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.
First Appearance - The Producers
Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!
Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?
First Appearance - Saw IV
Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V