Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.
Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.
With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.
Viewed: 11:30:pm 8/14/05
Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Tyrese Gibson, Andre Benjamin, Garrett Hedlund
Directed by: John Singleton
Today's comic: Just wanted to point out that today's comic had a bit of a strange evolution. This movie came out weeks ago, and the idea in my mind has evolved over that time. I settled on this version and at the last second changed the person saying "UH_DUHH?." From my character to the character of the Chancellor from Star Wars. Those of you who are new readers, or simply don't remember may be confused. Check out this comic I did when I took a deeper look at the Dark Side of Star Wars. There you'll see the Chancellor in all his glory ripping into a very gullible Anakin. I just thought it was a good fit, and that those who have been reading along would get an extra little kick out of it.
But for god's sake, if some crazy old man comes up to you and saying "UH-DUHHHH?." Call the police, as soon as you're done laughing. Now, on to the review of Four Brothers.
Revenge movies are awesome. Justice for loss. Reclaiming what's yours at any cost. I love it. Done correctly a revenge movie can be one of the most exhilarating forms of entertainment. Done wrong and it can be one of the best naps you've ever had.
Four Brothers had a lot going for it. A cast filled with reliable favorites, and young upstarts ready top leave their mark. Good news ? they do. It's got John Singleton a man who doesn't make the poignant movies he once did, but rather has turned to Hollywood and started making action packed adventures. Not the storyteller he once was, but the man has put together some solid action in the past couple of years. And the premise was great. Four (not obvious) brothers come together to avenge the death of the mother that loved them. Great idea with plenty of paths to take.
So why did this movie suck?
It does. It's a snoozer. And I'm not blaming the actors. Everyone's great especially the four leads. Mark Wahlberg clearly knows what he's doing at this point. He's a pro. And he leads the film well. Tyrese Gibson Who has been given a career by Singleton is using it well. He's very cool. He does need to branch out though. Not in subject matter, but with crew. I could watch him pound skulls all day, but lets see him do it with someone else. Andre Benjamin who was the least cool thing in Be Cool redeems himself with a complicated performance. He's picking good roles. It's wise not to try and go too big too fast. Ensemble pieces will get him the experience and respect he deserves. Garrett Hedlund was the best surprise. Lots of emotion. Lot's of "right under the skin, about to break" moments. He's was impressive.
I'm not going to blame the supporting cast. I could go on all day about how great Terrance Howard, Josh Charles, and Chiwetel Ejiofor are. I could. They're great. And each has their moments. When Ejiofor tells a government official to "Sit at the other table" pointing to the "kids" table? I nearly fell out of my seat laughing.
I'm not sure who to point the finger at. Direction, editing or screenplay. I'm not sure who mixed it up but the major problem is pacing and priority. That could be attributed to any of those three.
The movie starts of right away with the murder. Immediately followed by a brief intro of all the characters. They're back in town and they're going to find the killers. Awesome! We've got these four guys that will stop at nothing to get to the bottom of this. Right away we have a real urgency that you can feel and relate to. Then for the next half hour? the do nothing.
Not "nothing" nothing. But it goes into this "brotherly bonding" session where they're put in situations of brotherhood. It's good character set up, but there's way too much. Did they really need to go play hockey? Did they forget their mother was dead? One could argue that they "wanted to forget", but who cares! This thing screeches to a halt and doesn't truly pick up until someone gets knee capped in the third act. The knee cap is pretty damn sweet, and everything after that is good old-fashioned fun.
I've seen it work before. Movies with a slow set up and big pay off. But here I wasn't feeling it at all. The joke in the comic above alluding to them constantly talking about being brothers or having to explain that they're brothers, or being surprised when people don't know they're brothers, that happens. And after an hour of it you've had enough. He's your brother, fantastic, now shoot that guy.
If it was Singleton's fault, I can't be too mad. The guy has got an eye for talent, and he's giving careers to people that really deserve it. I wish every movie he was involved in was as good as Hustle and Flow (which he produced earlier this summer). That movie had the passion this movie needed.
3.5 out of 10 Less talky more shooty. I can respect a good movie that's slow and easy, then explosive and in your face. There's a certain art to it, for sure. Is 4 Brothers an action movie, or a drama? Is it both? Who knows? This movie has no identity
DVD worthy?:No chance.
If you liked this movie check out: Payback
Payback is hands down the best revenge movie of the past 10 years. And the reason why, is because it mimics the style and tone of classic revenge pictures form the 50's and 60's. It's very noir in atmosphere, and very basic in story. Man gets cheated, man seeks revenge. Cut and dry. It's my favorite Mel Gibson character since early Lethal Weapon. He's not giving his Oscar caliber Braveheart performance, but his performance is raw and understated.
What separates Payback from a movie like 4 brothers is pacing. Constantly moving, constantly something new, constantly changing scenery, characters, and storylines. Constant movement and progression. Combine that with ruthless action and a grizzled old anti-hero, and you've got yourself a damn good revenge flick.
Trailer Hitch: Aeon Flux
Looks halfway decent. What's most appealing are some of the interesting ideas they show in the trailer. Actual "BLADES" of grass. Explosive ball bearings that answer to whistling. That's cool. I admit to knowing next to nothing about the Aeon Flux cartoon, so I'm going in fresh. Is Charlize Theron ready to be a big action blockbusting star? Who knows? I guess we will soon.
Today's incentive image gives a gentle nod to that gullible little boy in today's comic. I'm going to call him Slow Billy. The way today's comic came about was a weird process, but once I was finished I loved this new character. I think we'll be seeing more of him in the future?
Oh! I joined Myspace last spring but only recently have been using it regularly. But the whole system is a popularity contest, and at this point I might as well be the smelly kid that hangs out with the lunch ladies. If you've got an account and want to experience every aspect of JLCM, send me a friend request. I won't turn you down. Unless you're the smelly kid that hangs out with the janitor. Sorry, dude, we just run in different circles.
Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - The Introduction
Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.
First Appearance - Fever Pitch
Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior
Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.
First Appearance - V for Vendetta
Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison
Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.
First Appearance - 300
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe
Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.
First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet
Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.
First Appearance - Four Brothers
Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.
First Appearance - Ultraviolet
Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.
First Appearance - The Producers
Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!
Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?
First Appearance - Saw IV
Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V