Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.
Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.
With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.
The Avengers Trailer is Coming…
So I’m not sure if there was some sort of mandatory phrasing issued by Marvel Comics to all major movie-themed news sites but for some reason they all reported the news on Friday that the new trailer for The Avengers was “coming” online Tuesday. It seemed as if all at once our twitter accounts we’re flooded with this phrase presumably phrased that way in the press release. A press release written on a dare. A sexy dare… Anyway, the comic above came (ahem) to me right away. Not my proudest moment but my reply tweet actually got a solid response so I thought I’d run with it. For the record a nice response counts as 4 retweets and 2 mentions. In this age of “my-tweets-are-cooler-than-your-tweets” I’ll take what I can get. And so it became a comic. That’s how easy it is.
As I’m typing this it’s nearly Tuesday but no actual trailer has hit the web just yet. You can catch glimpses from a teaser on Entertainment Tonight but I’m a purist when it comes to my spoilers. Let’s see it as the studio intended or let’s not see it at all! Regardless, there are still a bunch of blue balls out there anticipating the sweet release of the quickly edited shots of the stuff we’ve been seeing in set pictures for months. You know, Tony Stark with his briefcase in a park somewhere, Loki handing Thor something that’s probably pretty important, not to mention Captain America and Thor, spandexes up, back-to-back, blasting enemies in the face with their weapons and tons of other stuff not so rife with innuendo.
The truth is, if you’re an Avengers fanatic then you could probably piece this thing together yourself with all the behind the scenes access spy cams and the internet have plopped on our lap(tops) the past 6 months, but let us hold out hope that even those completely immersed in the “story so far” will find in this trailer a moment. You know what I’m talking about. Not something that gives away the plot or the grand finale but something visually and conceptually unique. Something we can talk feverishly about with our friends on the schoolyard, around the water cooler or near that outdoor water cooler at the fancy schoolyard. Something we can spend the winter dreaming about seeing on the big screen in context and in all its glory. Something like Neo dodging the bullets or Darth Maul revealing his double-sided light saber. The kind of moment that will make you say, “I’ve seen enough. Here is ten dollars… and my heart.”
By the time you read this the chances are you’ve watched through The Avenger’s trailer a couple dozen times. I hope it brings with it a moment and even more excitement for something that has every chance to be pretty amazing. If it sucks don’t be too disappointed. Just keep reminding yourself that we’re seeing something pretty special in this gathering of heroes, this gathering of franchises. Whether it succeeds or fails the attempt itself is a big deal for movies. It’s a big deal for comics. It’s a good time to be a geek.
Catch up with me on Twitter at twitter.com/joedunn721 and come see me this weekend at New York Comic Con where we can talk about how much fun Real Steel was and we can high-five until our hands break.
Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - The Introduction
Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.
First Appearance - Fever Pitch
Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior
Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.
First Appearance - V for Vendetta
Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison
Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.
First Appearance - 300
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe
Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.
First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet
Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.
First Appearance - Four Brothers
Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.
First Appearance - Ultraviolet
Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.
First Appearance - The Producers
Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!
Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?
First Appearance - Saw IV
Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V