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Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.

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Serenity

Released: 9/30/05

Viewed: 8:05pm 10/1/05

Starring: Nathan Fillion, Gina Torres, Alan Tudyk, Morena Baccarin, Adam Baldwin, Jewel Staite, Sean Maher, Summer Glau, Ron Glass, Chiwetel Ejiofor

Directed by: Joss Whedon

So the show got cancelled. No big surprise. The world is never really going to be ready for a Space Western on a weekly basis. Especially on a Friday night. But the fans did what they could. Growing in numbers. Converting everyone that would listen, to the church of Firefly, and God bless 'em, it worked. Nerds united can make anything happen. So you bet your ass that Joss Whedon's (creator of Buffy and Angel) big budget continuation of the critically acclaimed television show pretty much had to deliver ten times over. Because those fans would not stand for anything less. And on October 30th I don't think anyone was disappointed.

Serenity is, pound for pound, the best movie since Batman Begins and the best sci-fi movie of the summer. Yep, better then Episode III. Star Wars was great, but Serenity was the fresh dose of adrenaline and the reality wake up call that sci-fi adventure pics have been waiting for. A History of Violence, which was released on the same day, I'll admit is a better use of filmmaking on all accounts. For pure excitement and joy, Serenity crushes all the pretenders of the weak summer season.

Going into this, you were one of three people. 1) The Avid Fan: You own Firefly on DVD, have watched each episode at least twice, and once with commentary. You bought the "Serenity" comic book miniseries that bridged the gap between the TV show and the movie. (Was it worth it?) You drove 6 hours and paid 30 dollars to see one of the limited advanced screenings of the film back in July and you loved every second of it.

From what I can imagine, most of you were going to love this movie no matter what. The good news is that you're in your every right to do so. It's a brilliant, fast paced, action-packed adventure that you never want to slow down, let alone stop. For you the most satisfying thing has got to be concrete resolution of so many unanswered questions the television show presented. The movie steps up and answers a good number of those. There were some elements in the storyline that could have easily been inconsequential to the plot, but everything is relevant. And the way the movie wraps up some of these loose ends can only be described as "Satisfaction".

2.) The Casual Newcomer: You heard about the show but never saw it. After a few months of pestering you borrowed the Firefly set from your friend, or set your Tivo to record it off of the Sci-fi channel this last summer. Even though you were skeptical you came to love the show as well. But you still never joined the brown coats message board.

I'm proudly one of you. I had refused for the year to get caught up in the hype. I was going to see the movie for sure, but I wasn't going to freak out about anything. I did start watching the show on Sci-fi and it took me an episode and a half to admit that I was very hooked on every little aspect of the show. I haven't seen all the shows, (missed the last 2 or 3) but I knew enough going in to feel confident I'd understand what's going on.

For us it's just as satisfying. Maybe more so because we haven't actively sought out spoilers online. It's all fresh and new. But I admit, I do want to buy the series now.

3.) The Tag Along: There are two types of you tag along people: the willing and the unwilling. Really, you are the biggest test of the movies success. You have a show that is SO involved and SO complicated on SO many levels. Is it possible to do a continuation of that on a larger scale and have it relate to people going in blind?

I'm pleased to say that everyone really enjoyed the movie, even those that went begrudgingly. It's a true testament to how well the entire movie is put together. Everything that's important is presented quickly and clearly. Everything that's not important is mentioned but not forced. It's there as a nod to the fans, but if it doesn't move the story along then it vanishes like any other distraction.

The best examples of each: the introduction of Serenity and its crew. The movie starts elsewhere but when we first see Serenity we get a wide shot of the ship sailing through space as the camera slowly swirls around it and closes in on the cockpit. We enter there and meet the captain, and pilot. They have a brief conversation that establishes the ship and those two characters. The captain has much to attend to so he moves back into the ship, the camera moving with him.

Over the next 10 minutes we meet the entire crew and see every part (except the shuttles) of the ship in one steadicam shot. It was a BRILLIANT way to start the movie. Everything we needed was clearly laid out.

Like I said, the stuff we don't need was quickly mentioned and just as quickly dismissed. I quizzed Yeo after the movie, asking her things like "Did you know Inara was a prostitute?" "Did you know she used to be a passenger on the ship?" "Did you know the Shepard used to be a passenger on the ship?" She answered no to all of them, but we realized it's because it wasn't important. There are clues in the movie that point towards it, but it's not obvious or spelled out - because it's not relevant at all to the plot. Well done.

Serenity trumps Star Wars on almost all accounts. The visuals were one exception. I mean - Firefly looked great. Look at those ships? it's amazing. I was somehow expecting it to be grander in the movie, but was disappointed that I was only in awe twice. 1 ? River's escape. 2 - The Reavers emerging from the clouds. OOOoooOO I just got goose bumps!

And the fighting could have been cleaner. Yeah, River kicked ass, but a little clarity goes a long way. I thought after The Matrix and Kill Bill that every action movie would look amazing. It's not horrible. There are definitely moments where you cringe with Mal as he gets punched in the kidneys. But there was nothing there that wowed me.

Regardless, Serenity makes up for all of that with its charm. Remember how everyone in Star Wars talks like they've never pieced two words together before in their life? Well this is the exact opposite. These people say something and it's so fancy and elegant you want to write a song about it. It's the old west influence. People spoke properly as a sign of respect. That little touch adds an incredible dimension to the movie.

The whole spin that Whedon ...spun on the world is so great. It really is Star Wars meets Mad Max... but dirtier and with 10 times the awesome.

So are you 1,2,3? Whatever you are, do yourself a favor and go see this movie. I'm sure all the 1s have, although the 10 million dollar box office tells me differently... 2s, get off the fence and jump in. You won't be disappointed. 3s, just see it. There are so many crappy movies out there. Trust me, I know. It's the most satisfying movie experience I've had all year. 9.5 out of 10. Those little nit-picks I had are just that. Little inconsequential nit picking that is as relevant to the situation as Inara being a professional companion. You'll have fun, I promise. Just go see it.

The reviews gone on long but there's more I'd like to discuss. You can expect a continuation with more about the characters and how they translated to screen, as well as some spoilers and how those spoilers affect a possible rebirth of the show and the movie franchise itself. Expect that in about a week.

DVD Worthy?: Definitely. I'm secretly hoping for a box set with the movie and the Firefly series combined, but I may cop out and by the series before then. Christmas is right around the corner!

Trailer Hitch: I was peeing.

I missed the trailers because I was peeing. The only one I did see was DOOM which I've already talked about. I could talk about it again if you wan - Fine. You asked for it.

I love The Rock. I think he's made some brilliant choices over the past couple of years, but this is a mistake. He's been building a resume of smart action and this seems just the opposite. Resident Evil but more gimmicky. It won't work. It shouldn't work. I'll just say that The Rock needs a Terminator. The Rock needs a Rambo. This isn't even a Commando. Today's incentive is from an actual conversation Yeo and I had right after the movie. I swear, she loved the movie so this little bit tickled me.

For those that have been voting: Thanks guys. Seriously, you've kept JLCM alive. For those that love the incentives for each movie I have some good news. Over on the Digital Pimp message boards we've created a special Members Forum for (among other things) the archiving of these images. In the members-only area, you'll have access to exclusive previews of art, guest comics, archived incentive images and more. You'll have the inside scoop to all things Digital Pimp.

The only catch is that you've got to be a member of the board to access this section. There are no tricks involved. We don't spam our board members or anything. This is just all in the spirit of broadening the community. So If you're interested, sign up on the boards and join the fun. Thanks guys!

Edited for the web by BrandonJ Carr.

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Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V

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