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Discuss this week's Joe Loves Crappy Movies here!

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Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.


Released: 10/14/05

Viewed: 1:45pm 10/14/05

Starring: Keira Knightly, Mickey Rourke, Edgar Ramirez, Delroy Lindo, Christopher Walken, Lucy Liu, Brian A. Green, Ian Ziering

Directed by: Tony Scott

Like any other Tony Scott movie, Domino overflows with style and tension -- and those green and orange lights he uses all the time. It's a good thing, though, I swear to God. It also brings in a complicated story filled with a dozen characters doing a dozen things that you're never really sure about until the very end. Juggling so many people doing so many things under the blurred, overly-saturating lighting team, not to mention today's hottest young actress, Keira Knightly, can seem like a challenge. But like any other Tony Scott movie, the end result is a beautiful, larger then life assault of awesomeness. Reality TV bounty hunting never looked so cool.

We need to start with the cast, because Scott has a great history of bringing together a good group of old favorites and hot newcomers. The cast is outstanding overall. It's always nice to see Walken and Lucy Liu brings something to what could have been a nothing character, but it truly begins and ends with Keira. I knew Knightly would be able to pull it off. Yeah, she's hot, we know she can carry a movie, and yeah, she can do the action, but to play it this dark and make it believable could have come out all wrong. It very easily could have been "Oh, the hot independently wealthy girl has problems? Boo hoo." But it works. The flashbacks and editing do a great job of setting up a disturbed, unadjusted delinquent that just happens to be rich and good looking. The looks and money just make it easier to be badass, which they do abuse in the movie, though in a good way.

Mickey is cool as hell. He's got a new career that any self-respecting badass would shoot a toe off for. He's a grizzled and haggard low life that somehow makes slumming it seem cool. On the big screen his skin or his makeup look like cooked leather. Don't go back to the plastic surgery, man. You're a god.

Newcomer Edgar Ramirez was a pleasant surprise. With Scott at the helm, and Knightly and Rourke leading the pack, it would have been hard to find someone to match any of them in cool. Ramirez comes in and shows a real presence. In his hotel stand off with Rourke and his awkward suave act with Knightly, he shows that he's got some real chops. Get this guy a part in Oceans 13 or at least as a villain in the next Bond movie or something.

What really surprised me was seeing 90210 alums Brian A. Green and Ian Ziering in there. Playing themselves! How they weaved them into the story and sustained it believably for more than two thirds of the movie is awesome. And huge amounts of respect go out to these fallen stars for being so willing to make fun of themselves.

At this stage in their careers, doing voiceovers for home repair shows or co-starring on your girlfriend's hit NBC show is something you can only do so many times. Getting in a real movie where people are actually talking about you is no small deal. I mean, did any of us look at Neil Patrick Harris the same after Harold and Kumar? Good luck, guys. It's never too late.

The story is heavy and long. It moves along well enough, but there's a lot of story to tell, so they really get their bang for their buck out of those 2 hours. Might be too much for some people, but with such interesting characters there's little to want for. Just when you're looking for the movie to close up for the night, Tom Waits and his soul patch drive over the horizon. Then he turns out to be Jesus! It's cool, I swear.

As long as it is, it's worth it for an explosive shootout and nice twist ending. But?they show the real Domino. Like, the person the movie is based on?sort of. And, it's the last thing you see, and she's dead in real life, so you feel bad when, as they reveal that information, you realize your thought right before the reveal was, "She's nowhere near as hot as Knightly." So, the movie ends with that awkwardness, but it's nothing you can't live with.

7 out of 10 It's a really nice ride, but it's certainly not for everyone, and it was a little light on the action. There are explosions and shootouts, and nunchucks all over the place but only a few things I would mention to my friends while talking about awesome ways people get hurt in movies. .

DVD worthy?: Maybe. I've bought more then a few Tony Scott movies, especially his work from the last few years, which has been top notch. But Domino doesn't strike me the same way. It was a lot of fun but it doesn't have the urgency that Spy Games or the brutality of Man on Fire. Chances are by the time it comes out I'll be eager to see it again and fall for a 14.99 sales tag. I'm such a sucker.

If you liked this movie check out: Jackie Brown

I was very much reminded of Tarantino's "love it or hate it" 3rd film while watching Domino. Similar ideas, similar swindling...villains and anti-heroes muscling their way into a better tax bracket. Jackie Brown had better dialogue, and overall I would say cooler ideas, I would even say it's closer to reality then Domino, even if Domino is based on a real story?sort of. Domino wins out in style and personality. It's true we don't have the witty banter from the braided beard of Sam Jackson, but when Mickey Rourke shows you his foot with the missing toe, you pay attention.

I personally didn't care much for Jackie Brown. It was too overdone, and it basically gave Batman nothing to do. There was too much hype to live up too. Pulp Fiction was too big. How could we expect him to follow it up with?well, Kill Bill?

Trailer Hitch: Running Scared

When first seeing this movie about a man who gets in trouble with the mob for letting evidence fall into the wrong hands, my first thought was "Hey, this looks kind of cool." Sure, it stars Paul Walker (who I root for but realistically don't expect much from) but the subject matter is cool and the style is edgy and hip (the good kind). It looks like someone gave Paul Walker a chance. Good for him. Then they revealed the title: Running Scared.


Is nothing sacred? Does no one realize that this title has been taken? Taken by one of the top ten buddy cop movies of all time!? That's right, Running Scared is not a remake of the 1986 classic starring Billy Crystal and the late Gregory Hines, in one of his three good roles. The other two of course being History of the World part 1 and Waiting to Exhale (deal with it, it's awesome). Does this "Running Scared" have two buddy cops chasing Joe Pantoliano up a rickety old staircase? Does it have two short-shorts-wearing men riding mopeds in the summer sun while the sweet sounds of Michael McDonald play in the background? Does this movie have Jimmy Smits haphazardly firing off an Uzi while wearing nothing but Speedos and a cocaine mustache? I seriously doubt that it does.

Good luck, though, with your "Running Scared". I'll be at home watching the REAL one.

Ok, seriously, in looking this up I found 3 other movies called Running Scared. Seems like they do a new one every couple of years. Oh, on a completely unrelated subject, look for my life story to come to the screen in early 2009. It's call Running Scared: True Tales of a Web Comic Artist.

To see the poster of this movie, cast your vote now! Thanks for reading, guys.

Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V