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Discuss this week's Joe Loves Crappy Movies here!

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Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Starring: Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson, Robbie Coltrane, Maggie Smith, Alan Rickman, Richard Harris, Kenneth Branagh, Jason Isaacs

Directed by: Chris Columbus

So as I mentioned briefly in the Sorcerer's Stone review one of the best things Stone did was set up the franchise. Ideally a great first movie should be able to create a world, introduce you to all the major players, hint at potential future problems, and in the process tell a compelling story of it's own. If done correctly the sequel can begin with little to no explanation or reintroduction. All the information has been given so we're ready for the real fun to begin.

A few movies have done so successfully resulting in sequels that are better then the originals. Spiderman, X-men, even Shrek are examples of good movies that gave birth to even better sequels after getting all the set up out of the way.

Harry Potter is another, which is surprising considering how involved the mythology is. But Sorcerer's Stone gave a perfect set up, and we were able to return to Hogwarts knowing (on some level) what to expect.

The Basics of the story are the same. Harry is mistreated, he makes an escape from his family, he gets ready for school and he goes to school. But instead of going through the motions they get through this necessary story in a completely new way. Ron and his brother's break Harry out of his Aunt and Uncles home, he goes to Diagon alley via a magical fireplace spell instead of the secret wall in the tavern, and because they miss the train Ron and Harry end up taking the flying car to school.

It may sound like no big deal but to take the opportunity to introduce new ideas, new magic, and new wonders of the world, is awesome! It made the lead up to school bearable.

Chamber is another mystery with new suspects and a much darker delivery. The new cast members are brilliant as "could be" masterminds behind the mysterious events at Hogwarts. I especially liked the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenneth Branagh, and Malfoy's father Jason Isaacs. Branagh is vain and cocky, but still there's constant mystery around him. Enough to keep him on the short list of suspects. Issacs is brilliantly evil and even though he ends up not to be the big baddie behind it all, it's very cool to find out that he is partially involved.

The true evil of course ends up being the spirit of former student Tom Riddle via young Ginny Weasley. Making her the villain (even in a trance) was a great move because you're constantly looking for the heir of Slytherin, so you just count out all the Weasley kids right away. I NEVER suspected her when first seeing this. What's great is that they've got you looking everywhere else. Harry, Hagrid, every teacher in the place. I was analyzing them all. It would be one thing if they revealed the clues and it just didn't make sense or the clues were never really there for you to see. But it's there.

Everything except Tom Riddle being Voldemort. There wasn't one clue for that. Not that I saw, but really it's ok because it makes this part of the larger story, and it give Voldemort a face. A person we can connect him to instead of some big cape killing Harry's mom, or sucking on a Unicorn. It makes the threat real.

And he gets that much closer to coming back. It's part of what makes this movie darker and scarier (I mean besides the petrified cat, the writing on the wall with blood, the giant Spiders and the huge snake that turns you to stone ? if you're lucky!). In the Sorcerer's Stone Voldemort is a face on the back of some guy's head. You never think it's going to work! Here he gets a little closer. And that's freaky.

At the end of the Sorcerer's Stone Harry has to solve a series of riddles before getting to the end where he's met with sort of a lack luster fight. Chamber gives you just the opposite. Ron and Harry fall into the chamber and instead of facing a series of traps and puzzles that need solving, it's just a door that Harry has to lisp at. Then he goes in for the show down at the ho down.

The sequence is like 20 minutes long but it's great. Flawless effects, suspenseful and exciting with great camera work and imagination. And as Harry jams a sword through the basilisk's head you forget, for the 50th time since you sat down, that he's a 12-year-old boy. Seriously, he's twelve and he lips off to Malfoy's father at the end. I would have kicked those round frame right through his shaggy mop top.

The effects are a huge step forward. As much as I hate Dobby the house elf, he looks really good, and 9 out of 10 times he fits into the environment perfectly. I especially liked the effect of him vanishing. Not just because it looked great but also because Dobbey is more annoying then Jar Jar and ABBA combined. I'm so over people that talk in the third person. Joe can't handle it. The Basalisk himself is an even greater visual achievement. It looked like a combination of CGI and puppetry, but it worked really well, so I have nothing bad to say.

Compared to the first movie the effects are 100% better. The Quidditch match, which last time was just a big video game, now had the classic feel of the speeder battle in Jedi with the perfect effects to go along with it. Very cool.

Movie: 8.5 out of 10

A great follow up with enough action and mystery to keep you entertained for the entire 2 hours and 40 minutes. Even at that length it should still play pretty well for the kids because by the time they get to this point they're in love with the idea of Harry Potter. But do hold on tight during the dark forest scene. When that spider grabs Ron, someone in the room is freaking out. I promise.

Also it's really cool to see the kids growing up. You can see Radcliff get his acting chops in Stone, seriously what's with stuttering Potter in the first 20 minutes? I know the stuttering was probably in the script but I'm sure it didn't say anything about acting unnatural. My point is by the end of the movie he much better, and ready to take on the hefty material that follows. He, Grint and Watson really do a fine job.

DVD features

Just like Stone, its a 2-disk set with the bulk of the extras on the second disk. Disk one has the same features ? basic cast listing and the theatrical trailer, but they wisely add in a recap of the Sorcerer's Stone. It's only a minute and a half long, but it hits all the big points you need to know.

The second disk is a huge step up from the extras on Stone. No commentary which would have been awesome, but it seems they learned there lesson and decided to put some of those extra on set cameras to work. There are tons of little featurettes interviewing the stars showing photos and film from behind the scenes. Some of it is fluff, but a good bit was really interesting.

Other odds and ends include a pretty substantial DVD-rom section that's more then just screen savers and links to the official fan page. I was impressed with a "challenge" section where you go on these little trivia challenge to progress through different areas of the movie. For example you go to the chamber of secrets and have to answer 8 questions to gain access. When you do you can take a tour of the inside of the chamber. It was a great way to make something out of nothing. And while the games themselves play a little slowly, it's still nicely produced.

Stand outs

The best part of disk two hands down is the section called Behind Hogwarts. Here' you'll find the following: - A conversation with the author of the books J.K. Rowling and the screenwriter Steve Kloves. A great 15-minute interview where they discuss translating the books to the movie as well as underlying themes, and their favorite characters. Very much fun to watch, but another half hour would have been spectacular.

- Dumbeldore's Office. A brilliant featurette showing the stages of development in creating a scene. From sketches, to set production, to props, to lighting, to cinematography, to wardrobe, to music, to post production? we hear from the director, and the people that were hands on with each department. It's short, but very very cool.

- Characters Talk. Very brief interviews with nearly the entire cast asking each a series of short questions. It goes by fast but is nice. It looks like the kids were having a blast making these movies.

What's missing?

The only thing missing is the commentary. They did a bang up job upgrading the special features on this one. I'm eager to see what they did with Azkaban

DVD: 6 out of 10

There's tons of stuff to waste your time on here, including 19 deleted and extended scenes, which were just more support for the reveal at the end. Most of it won't be missed from the finished film, but it's fun to see them. Overall there's a lot to enjoy, but little you'll view a second time. DVD Worthy:

I actually do own this one, so I'll say yes. It's part of the Harry universe but I feel like it's much more of it's own adventure.

Thanks so much for reading, I hope you're enjoying Harry Potter week. As today's strip says, neglecting your studies is nothing to laugh about. Vote today to see what affect no final exams has on a 37 year old Harry Potter. Stay in school!

Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V

@SCORPDLM @joedunn721 Did I say days? I meant weeks (months?). Sorry about that but they're available in the store... https://t.co/yw3fNlT8PK
26 Sep 2022
Joe Dunn
@dernjg hahaha! You say that now but when I need you, baby... you're never there.
07 Oct 2022
Irv Fabor
When your away from a spot where you built a rapport with the bartender and you're away for three weeks and once yo... https://t.co/VpJqiTWoZV
16 Sep 2022
Kevin Gleason
@joedunn721 Unbelievable how many steps back we are taking.
23 Jul 2022