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Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.

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Fun with Dick and Jane

Released: 12/23/05

Viewed: 7:00pm 12/08/05

Starring: Jim Carrey, Tea Leoni, Alec Baldwin

Directed by: Dean Parisot

Everyone's all worked up over the King Kong remake. How it's a sign that there's nothing left to write when we're remaking the classics of cinema. But why get so bothered by a remake that's brilliant, when you have talented people remaking crappy movies and not improving on them at all. That's something to get upset about.

When Jim Carrey and Judd Apatow, are the names attached to your film you expect a certain level of funny. These are inherently funny people, but instead of the magic chemistry you'd expect, it feels like a lot of people phoning it in and collecting paychecks.

I don't mean to assume, I respect everyone involved, and each have proven themselves to me 1,000 time over, but something was definitely off here. A piece of the puzzle is missing. It's as if there wasn't a full script, or too much was expected of Jim (Dick) and Tea (Jane) to fill the gaps with "Ka-razy" improvised comedy gold. And then they didn't, or it was edited together poorly, or a third option. I don't know, I don't want to point fingers, but at the end of the day we've got a really one-dimensional movie with a simple plot, and a loosely thought out resolution. Which all would be fine if we were distracted by it being hysterically funny. No such luck.

There are funny moments, mostly ruined by the commercials and trailers, but none are so funny that you loose control. At only one point in the movie did I loose control of my laugh box and hold my side in a giggle fit. Without ruining it, it involves Dick hiding in the bank office. Didn't see it coming. Laughed for at least 3 minutes and mentioned it 5times after the movie.

But from Jim Carrey that's nothing. I can remember watching Ace Ventura as a lad, for the 50th time and still laughing that hard at least 2 dozen times during the movie. Man, when he punches that Eagles mascot?. Where was I? Yes, the funny. It's just not enough.

Even from the screenwriter Apatow who has become a master of combining the heart warming and the dangerously funny. With moves like Anchorman, The 40 year old Virgin, and some of the best TV of the last decade with Freaks and Geeks and undeclared, I expected more of the same. A real story that's really funny. But this script plays out more like a rough outline. It's not like there's any glaring plot holes or confusing moments, but there's also no emotion behind it.

It makes me think that Apatow's instincts for comedy as a director are much stronger than his comedic instincts as a writer. Again I could be misreading this. It could be the editor's fault. Who knows? It's just not that funny.

The story itself is basic. Family plays it safe, plays by the rules, and when it bites them in the ass, they turn to crime. Sounds like a great idea for a movie huh? Unfortunately, it needs to be fleshed out a little. Dick and Jane eventually target the responsible parties to claim back their money, and the money of all the former employees that were blind-sided by the companies crumbling. It ends up being a pretty lackluster finale as they confront the president of the company Alec Baldwin in the bank. They think they've tricked him, but he's tricked them, but wait? Who cares!?

What would have been awesome is if there were 3 or 4 business heads, and they took them out one by one, working they're way up to the big man. If anything it just creates more opportunity for comedy.

I liked Tea Leoni in this movie. She's sexy and funny, but is certainly taking a second chair to Carrey here. They do have great chemistry, but it seems like she's just set up for his funny moments, which is a waste, because she's funny in her own right.

I love Alec Baldwin, his timing and presence are worth the hefty price tag, but whoever let him do the southern accent should be shot. He's got so much power in his voice. Think about Elizabethtown and The Royal Tenenebaums. I could of listened to him talk all day. But here? I just couldn't get used to it. I wanted nothing to do with it.

It's as if some of the greatest comedians of their crafts were collected together to make the big Christmas monster comedy hit, and instead they all choked. People will still see this, and they'll laugh because they're supposed to. I did. I laughed hoping it would be funnier. Only after thinking about it did I realize how it wasn't very funny at all. So please, go see it, and enjoy it. But do yourself a favor and don't think about it afterwards.

4 out of 10: The more I think about it the more it upsets me. Just a wasted opportunity from real talent. I mean if this was Owen Wilson I would say he was just having an off movie, but Carrey hasn't missed this bad in a long time.

DVD worthy?: No. I feel like I want it to be better so I'm sure I'll rent it with some sort of hop it will be awesome. But I've made that mistake before.

If you liked this movie check out: Dumb and Dumber

This movie made me yearn for the truly hysterically absurd Jim Carrey. Pretty much any of his really out there comedies. Dumb and Dumber was so pure in it's craziness. There have been many pretenders since, but that movie is great.

In the movie Dick and Jane are strapped for cash, yet they buy disguises to rob these places; elaborate disguises that couldn't have been cheap. Is it wrong that I'm over analyzing it to that point? The devil's advocate in me says that they got enough money but were hooked on the thrill of the robbery, but that creates either major conflicts with the ending of the movie, or perhaps sets up a sequel. Either way, I say "Lame". Anyway, the incentive image for today has me in my bank robbing gear. It's not very funny, but ? well. I explain it. Enjoy.

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Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V

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