Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.
Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.
With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.
Cheaper by the Dozen 2
Viewed: 12:05pm 12/23/05
Starring: Steve Martin, Bonnie Hunt, Eugene Levy, Carmen Elektra, Tom Welling, Hillary Duff
Directed by: Adam Shankman
Remember those family vacations where you would go sleep in the woods and roast marshmallows by the fire? And in the day you'd compete in family competitions for some plastic trophy and a free canoe rental. Remember? Well if they weren't fun in real life, what makes you think watching people relive it on screen will make it any better?
Cheaper by the Dozen 2 is all kinds of unnecessary. Not in an offensive way, more in a "There's no reason this movie should have been produced" way. The first movie did great, and I think you could make a sequel from it, just not this one. Not one where nothing funny happens. Seriously, I laughed out loud once, and it was a courtesy laugh.
But I didn't go in expecting it to be bad. It's a pretty good line up. The Jerk in me will always love Steve Martin, and even though I like him in small doses Eugene Levy has proven himself to be a comedy force in the past couple of years. Bonnie Hunt is both wickedly funny, and too hot for her own good, and they've replaced Ashton Kutcher with Carmen Elektra. That right there is an upgrade.
But of all the talent among these four the only success of any of them is that the women succeed in being hot. Any comedy was either cut out, or was lost in these over thought out "funny situations" that I'm sure were hysterical on paper, but came off as clich? on screen. Martin + water sport + inability to perform water sport + wanting to impress people for some reason = best time to sneak out and take a piss.
Director Adam Shankman has made some decent movies recently. His most recent was The Pacifier with Vin Diesle which was lame in a kid's family crap fest kind of way, but there were still a lot of good things going on in that movie. A lot of plot that worked really well. The year before he gave us another Martin/Levy team up with Bringing Down the House a smarter, but still "for the masses" Martin Comedy with Queen Latifah. This movie was actually pretty funny, and a joy to watch, but the Queen walks away with it.
No one walks away with the Dozen sequel. People just seem to cycle on and off screen pushing their plots along. Once they get past the painful recaps and the obvious set ups of all the little stories, there's an opportunity for some heart warming family moments. This is where the movie comes closest to success. I was interested in the Tom Welling Jamie King connection, and as forced as it was, the romantic pairing between the younger kids of each family was good. That storyline offers up the realest moment of the film, as both dads run into each other spying on their kids, who are on their first date.
You can feel the tension between them but also the camaraderie in that ? they're in the same situation. Unfortunately it ends to quickly, and with out pushing the comedy on a great joke as Martin explains to Levy the "Yawn and Stretch" move.
It's frustrating because I know these people know how to be funny, but it's almost like, there was so much to cover in the script, that they didn't even have a fair chance. Oh well. The movie is completely forgettable so I'm sure they'll be forgiven.
3 out of 10 for this disappointing family romp. The pieces just didn't fit together this time around. Because the cast includes budding movie stars (with Duff and Welling. Yeah, you saw The Fog!), making a sequel may be difficult due to paychecks raising the cost. I can't decide if that's good news or bad news?
DVD worthy?: The possibility of this movie actually being DVD worthy I find more humorous than pretty much anything in the entire film.
If you liked this movie check out: Parenthood
Steve Martin has made a lot of family films, but I think his best film about family is a film not really for all of the family. Parenthood is a Ron Howard film starring Martin, and centers around the many stories of a huge family. The reason I say it may not be for all of the family is because they tackle some real grown up issues like teenage pregnancy, masturbation, gambling, and mental illness. Even though all are handled with care and kindness, it can still be heavy for the younglings.
I just think it's a great movie. Very sweet, and very true. One of the best performances from Keanu Reeves you'll ever see. Check it out.
Trailer Hitch: Hoodwinked
Every trailer I saw today for either a remake or a sequel. Hoodwinked was the only one that was even close to something original. The only problem is that it's a "modern", "edgy" update of a children's book. And you guys know how I feel about things when they're made more "modern" and "edgy".
It's the animated movie that will kick off the year, and I'm sure it will have tons of kids saying "Chicken Little was AWESOME!" so why bother fighting it. I'm given hope because the voice talent is not horrible. Patrick Warburton who can do no wrong is the wolf. Glen Close as grandma is an interesting choice, and it sounds like she's having fun with it. Also, the story could stand to have a new telling. Who knows, maybe modern and edgy is just what it needs.
Today's vote incentive is James Earl Jones giving his most famous reading of the past year. The reading from Episode 3 that nerds across the world will never stop laughing at. Enjoy.
Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - The Introduction
Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.
First Appearance - Fever Pitch
Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior
Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.
First Appearance - V for Vendetta
Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison
Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.
First Appearance - 300
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe
Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.
First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet
Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.
First Appearance - Four Brothers
Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.
First Appearance - Ultraviolet
Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.
First Appearance - The Producers
Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!
Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?
First Appearance - Saw IV
Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V