Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.
Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.
With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.
If you missed yesterdayï¿½s update, it contains the full comic and review for Beowulf
(also, todayï¿½s comic is a continuation of yesterdays, so just click back all ready!) Todayï¿½s rant focuses on 3-D effects in general and if Beowulf uses the technology to its full capabilities. And why shouldnï¿½t 3-D have its own update? With big names like James Cameron
working almost exclusively in the digital IMAX 3-D medium, bigger and ï¿½in your faceï¿½ is the future of the industry.
Beowulf is another in a long line of high profile releases to get the 3-D IMAX treatment. It used to be somewhat exclusive to short films, like Michael Jacksonï¿½s Captain EO as well as animated features like Chicken Little and Meet the Robinsons, but as the technology has developed similar effects are now being applied full-length, live-action movies. Over the past few years major movies like Superman Returns and Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, have taken advantage of the modern technology, and the boost in box office attention that comes along with it.
The problem is that not many of these movies were made with the 3-D medium in mind. At least it doesnï¿½t look that way. Do we really need to be able to reach out and grab Lois Laneï¿½s hair while sheï¿½s sitting there talking to Superman for forty minutes? How many moments in a two hour film do we really have the chance to enjoy what 3-D is really capable of?
Of course on the other end of the spectrum are movies like Spy Kidï¿½s 3-D and Shark Boy and Lava Girl that were always intended to be 3-D adventures. They take advantage of ever opportunity to fling some slime or toss a paper airplane in the audienceï¿½s direction. Both of these films come from the mind of Robert Rodriquez, a man that truly is interested with the expansion of the way films are made. I feel like these two movies take things a little to far, but in all fairness, Theyï¿½re very much targeted and kids who eat this sort of stuff up.
Even since Rodriquezï¿½ efforts, things have really advanced in the world of 3-D technology. Gone are the days of the red and blue lenses. But as impressive as the technology has become in our lifetime, itï¿½s far from perfect. The Airplane sequence in Superman Returns left me shaken up. It was only when viewing it again, a week later on a regular 2-D screen, that I was able to really appreciate what was going on. Looking back I realize there was just too much to take in at that size. Even watching it now I donï¿½t believe that it was ever staged, shot or edited with 3-D in mind. But it shouldnï¿½t matter.
As quickly as things are developing there will eventually be a point where it no longer becomes cost effective to produce the most up-to-date 3-D effects. At least not for mass consumption. In order to create a true experience, each audience member would need a full helmet surrounding his or her head completely. Just like those old virtual reality video games that you only plaid once because it cost so much and was ridiculously short. To slap a piece of machinery like this on each audience member would require either a huge amount of faith on the part of theater owners, or a complete overhauling of the way these theaters are set up. Specialty theaters or rental costs for top-notch hardware while the rest of the audience is slumming it with the standard issue goggles are an option, but either way, moviegoers are going to get hit in the wallet.
The Beowulf ï¿½experienceï¿½ cost me $13.75, but I canï¿½t say it was really worth the extra 2.50. There a few nice moments where splintering wood or a swooping dragon creep a little closer to you than you would normally expect, but it hardly makes or breaks the movie. If anything it might be a distraction form the imperfections in the animation. When I watched it I found everything to be remarkably detailed and clear, but who knows what I might see in the clarity of 2-D.
Thanks so much for reading and welcome to all the readers that have wandered over from Dueling Analogs. It was such a thrill to do a guest strip for Steve and really play around in the video game world. For the record, I really am obsessed with Kristen Bell and I don't have a PS3. But that's not supposed to be me. :D
New stuff soon, but for now head on out to the theaters and have some fun.
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Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - The Introduction
Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.
First Appearance - Fever Pitch
Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior
Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.
First Appearance - V for Vendetta
Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison
Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.
First Appearance - 300
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe
Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.
First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet
Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.
First Appearance - Four Brothers
Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.
First Appearance - Ultraviolet
Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.
First Appearance - The Producers
Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!
Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?
First Appearance - Saw IV
Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V