Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.
Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.
With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.
The Future Standard of Alternate Endings
How is it that there weren’t a zillion more spoofs of the Boo Boo shoots Yogi alternate ending of Yogi Bear. Maybe there were and my little corner of the Internet pool just never got any of that contamination. When the viral video originally hit the web during the week of Yogi’s release I half expected to see comics depicting Boo Boo offing Darth Vader, The Joker, Marty McFly, Captain Kirk and on and on to pop culture oblivion. Come on, who doesn’t want to see Boo Boo blow DiCaprio’s top right off that table?
I’m sure there are some out there. I dare the Internet not to have them out there. I hope to receive e-mails and tweets of their existence because honestly you can never have enough rampaging Boo Boo out there. He has become the ultimate plot twist. Does your ending suck? Send in Justin Timber-bear with heavy artillery. He’ll fix you right up.
When I first saw the clip and thought about what movies it could be attached to I instantly thought of The Social Network. Not only because it’s arguably the biggest movie of the year but also because it had a very distinct closing scene. For those that haven’t seen the film, it’s one of those scenes that has you reflecting, very deeply, about who this character is and what motivated him to get to the point he had gotten to by film’s end. It’s a scene, brilliant in a way, where the audience is given room to breathe and let their mind explore things a little. A walking talking cartoon blasting a shotgun into the main characters head would have been the last thing anyone was looking for.
It felt like a good fit.
I never got a chance to see Yogi but I hear positive things from parents bullied to suffer through it. The target audience apparently ate it up and at the end of the day that’s all we can really ask for. I did see The Social Network though and it’s as good as people say it is. Well made, well performed. All the predictable “well”s you would hope and expect.
The movie was sold as this gripping drama piped from the seemingly mundane founding of a social networking site. To be honest (and I know I’m in the minority here) I think they were overselling it a little. We’re told stories of this mind-bending game of deceit made all the more mind-bendable because of the seemingly silly subject matter. Meh. It’s business. It’s not so mind bending. Even after reading through the novel the film was adapted from/written along side of (The Accidental Billionaires by Ben Mezerich) - It’s interesting but it’s not reinventing drama. This isn’t a courtroom drama on Pandora.
Well told but over sold. Oh snap. Rhyming. Suck on that.
In all fairness that brief summary is completely underselling the film. There’s way more right than wrong in the film. In a perfect world I’ll talk a little bit about the film’s successes and failures right around the time it hauls some Oscars home.
That’s enough for tonight though.
Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - The Introduction
Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.
First Appearance - Fever Pitch
Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.
First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior
Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.
First Appearance - V for Vendetta
Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison
Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.
First Appearance - 300
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe
Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.
First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side
Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet
Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.
First Appearance - Four Brothers
Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.
First Appearance - Ultraviolet
Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.
First Appearance - The Producers
Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!
Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?
First Appearance - Saw IV
Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V