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Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.

Akeelah and the Bee

Released: 04/28/06

Viewed: 1:50pm 05/17/06

Starring: Keke Palmer, Laurence Fishburne, Angela Basset, Curtis Armstrong, J.R. Villarreal

Directed by: Doug Atchison

Lions Gate Films/ Official Site of the movie

I can’t believe I almost let this movie slip by. A few weeks ago I was really looking forward to it, but opted instead to focus my attention on what would surely appeal to the masses - Stick It and RV. Those movies both did well, and I figured I was better off having reviewed what the people had actually seen.

Then MI:III officially kicked off the blockbuster summer season and I knew that the little movies like Akeelah and the Bee would get swept away in Poseidon’s wake. But I had an idea for the comic (anyone who reads the reviews regularly knows I can’t tell my “it’s” from my ass) and all the qualities that made me want to see the movie in the first place were still there. Now I could at least avoid the crowds.

Here’s the kicker – it’s the best movie so far of 2006. Yes, it’s corny and predictable and routine in so many ways, but the emotion is genuine and the presentation is a fine example of smart and sophisticated filmmaking. Akeelah and the Bee is a movie everyone should see.

Akeelah follows the story of a young girl with a knack for spelling that uses said knack to help her get all the way to the national spelling bee competition. An event so prestigious that they show it on ESPN. And the guys from Dodgeball couldn’t even break the Ocho.

Helping her in her journey are her principle, played wonderfully by Curtis Armstrong (who we all know as Booger from Revenge of the Nerds), a skeptical mother (Angela Basset), and Dr. Larabee, (Laurence Fishburne) the wise old spelling champ who is giving back to the new generation. And if he pays attention, he just might learn a little bit about himself in the process. Uh-Duhhhh! Of course he’ll learn something about himself in the process. What kind of feature length PSA would this be otherwise?

All these three pushing Akeelah along is one thing, but the movie hits an emotional high point when she must turn to her entire town for support. We have a couple of musical montages featuring everyone from the mailman to the town hooligans quizzing Akeelah on her words. I know, it sounds lame, but aside from being a little to convenient, it was awesome! It really reinforced that there’s good in everyone and that a community working towards one goal can accomplish great things. This plot point also sets up the knock out punch that made me give the movie the rating I did. Don’t skip ahead. I’ll get to it.

I’m surprised to say but the actual spelling bees were pretty intense. It’s like “I know she’s going to spell the damn word right. Why am I trembling with anticipation?” But I was. There’s something about the combination of music, lighting and ridiculously long words I couldn’t even begin to spell, that cast a whole other kind of spell on me. It was a lot of fun to watch. The bees where the kids struggle are tension filled delight, but I admit that I almost preferred it when they knew the words and would blast the answers out with speed and certainty. Akeelah pounding her hip keeping time as she shovels out letters makes for some compelling scenes.

The supporting cast is really strong, but this movie lives and dies on Akeelah herself, played by Keke Palmer. I say all the time that child actors seem to be hit or miss these days, but Palmer was fantastic. Naturally charming, cute, and adorable, as any young girl should be, but still sharp, precocious, and intuitive on a level that the movie demands her to be. From her street slang lesson to jump roping pneumonic devices, Palmer hit the nail on the head with this role. So much about this movie seemed to hit that same nail. It almost all fell into place perfectly.

Now, I’m not going to pretend that the story of an inner city girl making good in the competitive world of spelling bees was as thrilling as the bridge sequence in MI:III or as clever as the monologued montages in Thank You For Smoking, or even as well acted as the silent communication in The New World, but it’s a real story told in a beautiful way. It’s also family friendly and hip without dumbing it down for anyone. The more kids movies I pay 10 bucks to see, the more I appreciate that.

Rating: 10 out of 10

Yeah, 10 out of 10. Pick your jaw up off the floor, I’m giving this movie my highest praise and you can’t stop me!

In the final scene where Akeelah faces off against her stiff competition in the National Bee, I started to debate what rating to give the movie. I knew it would be high. Certainly an 8 or a 9 based on a sweet story told in a very cool way. The acting all around was fun and touching without going too big and getting corny. No problems there. Then there was something, right near the end as Akeelah is spelling her final word that hit me like freight train in the kidneys. I won’t spoil it but my eyes went wide and my mouth fell open. It was a great story telling device that in hindsight seems obvious, but it snuck up on me so well that I’m still thinking about it.

Check this movie out, even if it’s just a rental. And as you watch it, remember what it was like to be a kid watching kid’s movie and how most of them were complete garbage. And have a good time. It should be as hard as spelling “perfect ten” correctly.

DVD Worthy?:

Maybe. The movie was incredible but I wonder how well it would hold up in multiple viewings. At the very least I would want to rent it so Yeo could see it. And if you’ve got kids, this is the kind of movie they should be watching over the crap most do. It hits all the right notes to teach them wonderful lessons and it doesn’t do it in a away where the kids are being talked down to. When I have kids I could see myself owning Akeelah and the Bee.

If you liked this movie check out: Karate Kid

I know it sounds weird but there was a lot of this movie that made me think about, and want to watch the Karate Kid. It’s got the same story of the kid from the wrong side of the tracks making good and rising to the top. It’s inspirational and exciting every step of the way, and it’s fun for the whole family. Karate Kid is all of that plus leg sweeping action!

The most obvious comparison between the two films is the way Fishburn’s Dr. Larabee uses unorthodox methods to get Akeelah to become a better speller. Granted he doesn’t get his fence painted, but it’s still a solid connection.

Trailer Hitch: Over the Hedge

Over the Hedge is the latest talking animal movie that hits theaters this weekend. I can’t help but think that even kids must be on to the scheme of cute and cuddly creatures that can talk taking the place for genuine entertainment. Is anyone still falling for it? It makes me think that Pixar switched to talking Cars just to avoid the backsplash from movies like Hedge Ice Age 2, and The Wild. We need something new, and does a movie like Over the Hedge have the slightest chance of being it?

Watching the trailer gives me hope because they do display some funny ideas, and the voice talents of Bruce Willis, William Shatner and Steve Carell forms an interesting line up. I don’t think this is the answer to the great American animated film, but we’ll see.

Vote incentive:

Ok, two incentives today fols. Over at Buzzcomix is my inturpritation of how Fishburne could have really gotten the most out of those spelling lessons. After reading that one vote over at Top Web Comics to see the continuation of - What if Joe Was Laurence Fishburne?

The two vote incentives kind of go hand in hand, so check ‘em out! Non Movie Related Stuff.

That’s all for tonight folks. I’ve got some news coming up, but I saw a late screening of The Da Vinci Code tonight (A little long, huh?) and my bed is calling to me. More tomorrow night though!

Live Journal/Myspace/Rotten Tomatoes/Buzz Comix/Top Web Comics/Comics on the Ipod/The Webcomics List/Wikipedia/Comixpedia/JLCM Map!

Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V