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Discuss this week's Joe Loves Crappy Movies here!

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Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.

Invincible

Released: 08/25/06

Viewed: 12:10 pm 08/27/06

Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Greg Kinnear, Elizabeth Banks, Kevin Conway, Michael Rispoli, Michael Kelly

Directed by: Ericson Core

Disney Official Site of the movie

About the Comic:

I’m sorry… bears romping around the woods with rabbits, piglets, little boys, and baby kangaroos? He’s a BEAR! A fat bear… that likes to eat! Those poor little guys wouldn’t have last 30 seconds.

I wonder if Winnie the Pooh is universal. He’s kind of dated in the U.S. but do people in Asia know who he is? I’m sure the Pooh merchandising blitz was crushed by Hello Kitty the second he put his tubby little ass on the scene. Poor guy. Winnie the Pooh vs. Hello Kitty - that’s a fight I’d like to see.

On to the Review:

E! A! G! L! E! S! EAGLES!!!!

Please bear with me. You have to understand – I’m an Eagles baby! Born and bred in South Jersey right across the river from Philadelphia, and ever since I was old enough to be a fan, my beloved birds have been through so many ups and downs that every November I’m a touchdown or two away from some sort of mild ulcer. Not the sort of thing you’d go to the doctor for, but something a couple extra 3 pointers would clear up.

To see an Eagles story in a theater is a huge thrill for me, even though it’s really a story about people and not the specific team. The Eagles (as well as the great city of Philadelphia) are represented well and you can feel the love. But the story is really about one man’s choice to take a chance on his dreams and how that choice would inspire the people around him and the whole city. You may not call the choice to play pro football something worthwhile of being inspiring, but if Invincible does anything, it shows how pivotal sports can be to the die-hard fans. I’m talking about the tailgaters, the face painters, and the guys that schedule their Sunday plans based on when the late game starts. These are fans that live and die for their team, and that may sound silly, but if a couple extra numbers in the W column can bring a town together and give them hope in a time of need, then that’s beautiful.

Invincible tells the real life story of Vince Papale, a 30-year-old bartender who decides to answer an open call for the Eagles after his life has hit rock bottom. Of the hundreds of hopefuls, rookie coach Dick Vermeil (played with real force and compassion by Greg Kinnear who just keeps getting better in everything he does) would invite only Papale to training camp. In spite of rejection from his teammates who dismiss him as an old man with great expectations, Vermeil would later call Papale, “The kind of guy with enough character to build a team around”. His struggle to make the team and be accepted by them may not sound like a monumental or meaningful task on paper, but to see it from his perspective, and from the perspective of his friends and family who want nothing more than to see one of their own make it, those routine training sessions suddenly become something worth getting excited about.

The strongest moments of the film are not in the anticipation of whether or not he’ll make the team, (of course he’ll make the team! Real life or not, this is Disney movie.) but more on the reaction when he actually does make it. Those emotional tent poles are handled beautifully. Vince telling his best friend he’s an Eagle, Vince telling the new girl in town that he has feelings for her, the bartender leaning over to Vince’s father after his son just made a big play and whispering amongst the cheers, “That’s your boy” are all pitch perfect sappy Hollywood moments that couldn’t be scripted any better had they not actually happen in real life. As corny as they are, it’s really effective and will get to you, Eagle fan or not. And that’s not something I expected.

I expected to see the good guys win and for the guy to get the girl and all that sentimental cliché garbage. Sure it’s a true story and they have to live within the guidelines of reality, but Disney never would have put Invincible into play had it not hit all the right plot points. “Sappy emotional tearjerkers” and “Pirates”. That’s the live action end of Disney. That’s how they roll. But the emotion really works in Invincible. Even in the big game when there are no real high stakes, you’re cheering on the inside for Vince to make the big play. And he won’t let you down.

Wahlberg does some good stuff here, but even the emotional breakdown scenes aren’t a good test for what he’s really capable of. Marky Mark can act and Invincible doesn’t exactly showcase that. What it does do is give his career a nice boost. Invincible opened at number 1 with 17 million, finally taking out Talladega Nights which threatened to be number 1 for all of August. It’s a nice safe movie to keep him in the spotlight while he shows us what he’s really capable of in The Departed. It’s not to say that he or the film is bad. This is just one for the masses.

Wahlberg’s love interest is played by Elizabeth Banks who most of us know from 40 Year Old Virgin, Wet Hot American Summer, and Slither. She works all the time and it’s nice to see her break out as the leading lady in a film with such mass appeal. I’ve always thought she was a cutie, like a blonde Parker Posey, but with her 1970’s feathered Farrah Fawcett hair do, she’s not holding back any sass. She’s instantly likeable and I think America will be able to see what Hollywood casting agents have known for the past couple of years – Banks makes the movie better. I’m crediting the hair.

The best thing about a movie that takes place in the past (or at least the recent past) is that you can instantly set the mood with popular music. I thought they did a great job really grounding us in the time period by bringing in some great classic rock of the mid 70’s. I was only alive for a couple years of that decade, so it’s weird that some of those songs will make me think and feel certain nostalgia. I can’t image what it’s like for people that actually remember those years and weren’t constantly crapping in their pants.

Disney knows how to tell a touching tale and they’re wise enough not to mention certain things that would ruin their perfect ending. It’s true – Vince makes the big play to help them win the game, but what they don’t tell you is that the Eagles that year would finish with a record of 4 wins and 10 losses showing no improvement over the previous years’ turmoil. The film ends by telling you Papale played for 3 years in the NFL and that Vermeil would lead the Eagles to a Super Bowl victory in the 1980 season (As a 2-year-old I sadly missed out on all the fun). Well why didn’t they end the movie there? Well, anyone willing to do some basic math could figure out that Papale wasn’t around for the year they went all the way. That’s no way to end a movie.

With their lies of omission, you’ll leave the theater in good spirits. Invincible is nothing new, but as far as family tear jerking fluff goes, it’s actually worth the 10 bucks.

Rating: 7 out of 10

It was a nice treat. If you’re looking for something with a positive message and that’s safe for anyone Invincible is a safe bet.

DVD Worthy?:

I’ll pass, but there are a few things I would rent it for if they include them on the DVD. I’m anxious to hear how they handled shooting in Veteran’s Stadium, since the structure was destroyed a few years ago. Was it a combination of digital effects and old stock footage? Did they recreate a stadium or portions of a stadium to replicate the classic arena? I’m dying to know, so if there’s anything about that on there, I’m making it a Blockbuster night!

If you liked this movie check out: Rudy

Come on! Rudy! The quintessential underdog football inspiration story starring everyone’s favorite hobbit/third favorite Goonie Sean Astin.

Rudy is really a fantastic movie. It should be a movie college coaches give out the first day of training camp to get the rookies jazzed up. It should be past out at customs to show immigrants just how we get down here in America! It should be past out at bars by unattractive people to show potential mates just how hard they’re willing to work in the bedroom! It should be passed out in prison so it can be traded for cigarettes! And so on!

Rudy I would actually rate a little higher then Invincible. I think it’s slightly more relatable because where Wahlberg’s character was actually a talented athlete; Astin was actually a normal guy that just really liked football. We can relate to Astin more because he sucks as much as we do. It’s a harder fought victory and it’s ultimately worth the fight.

Trailer Hitch: Happy Feet

So the full trailer for Happy feet turned up a couple of weeks ago, and it looks like pure garbage. It’s hard to deny the cast (Elijah wood, Nicole Kidman, Hugh Jackman, Hugo Weaving, Brittany Murphy) but the idea of an hour and a half of penguins singing top 40 just sounds painful. Shockingly the draw for me is Robin Williams. The guys certifiably insane and hit or miss with his live action stuff, but animation is the perfect venue for him. He’s really strong in both Aladdin and Robots. I’m curious how effective he’ll be as a midget penguin.

Non Movie Related Stuff.

Today I have a guest strip going up at Joe And Monkey. I was a last minute fill in and it was requested of me by Zach to make it violent so it would fit with a theme his other guest artists had unintentionally joined forces on. There’s some really nice stuff up this week including a rare hand draw strip by Gordon from Multiplex. Really sharp. But I’m not joking around with you here. Friday’s strip is not one to miss. Zach showed it to me and I was floored. Don’t make me hunt you down and remind you tomorrow, because that would be really awkward and expensive.

Yesterday I put up the comic for Super Troopers and in it I called Broken Lizard “America’s best attempt at Monty Python since The Kids in the Hall.” So try and guess how much e-mail I got exclaiming that the Kids are from Canada. My cheeky response to every one of them was “Canada is in North AMERICA”. For the record – I was aware that The Kids in the Hall are Canadian and I in no way meant to slight my brothers to the north. It was simply a poor choice of words and I apologies to anyone that too offense. You guys have enough to be upset about, what with being Canadian and all. I’m so kidding. I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist.

That’s it for today, kiddies. Don’t eat yellow snow.

Live Journal/Myspace/Rotten Tomatoes/Buzz Comix/Top Web Comics/Comics on the Ipod/The Webcomics List/Online Comics/Wikipedia/Comixpedia/JLCM Map!

Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V