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Discuss this week's Joe Loves Crappy Movies here!

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Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.

Pineapple Express

Starring: Seth Rogen, James Franco, Danny McBride, Kevin Corrigan, Craig Robinson, Gary Cole, Rosie Perez, Amber Heard

Directed by: David Gordon Green

Warner Brothers Pictures

The Official Site of Pineapple Express

Discuss Pineapple Express on the boards!

Don’t feel like reading the long review, catch the Quick Look at Flixster!

I’m ridiculously out of touch with weed culture. I watch Weeds, I love Dave Chappell, I knew a girl in high school with a hemp belt, but beyond that I'm kind of out of touch. I don't even know where to find weed anymore. My only major weed outlet is the occasional stoner comedy that comes into the cinema to brighten my day. Pineapple Express seemed like a Godsend. It stars people I like (Freaks and Geeks graduates Seth Rogen and James Franco who absolutely channels pot-head), is made by the funniest people in Hollywood (Judd Apatow has a miss for every hit, but he's definitely in touch with what audiences are looking for), and it was getting insane reviews! Like Dark Knight good. Like "Batman blazes up in-between battles" good.

I'm not sure what I expected from Pineapple Express but the images of Batman toking away set the bar pretty damn high. Whatever my expectations were, Pineapple Express disappointed as much as it impressed.

The laughs are there from start to finish, and they're strong. Like "Batman smoking weed and high-fiving Jesus" strong. Brilliant line deliveries, unnecessary violence and a nice perspective on weed (The cross joint is inspired) round out a full movie of laughs, but for every perfect puff of comedy there's some soul sucking sequence or aimless character to bring you down from your high. For every perfectly timed "Fuck You" there's a 10 minute scene in the woods that goes nowhere in the slowest ways possible.

The scene in the woods is just a means for the guys, who are on the run after Rogen's character Dale witnesses a murder, (Like how I snuck some plot in there?) to lose their car and cell phones so that they can't use them later in the film. It's an important plot point, but I could lose my cell phone in 2 minutes. I don't see why a couple of stoners took 10. Even Harold and Kumar spent their 10 minutes in the woods riding a cheetah. Totally weird, but far from boring.

I wish the dragging pace, in what's supposed to be a high-adrenalin action movie, were Pineapple Express' biggest problem but it pales in comparison to the fact that, as funny as they are, there's no reason to care about these likeable losers. Rogen has been touting Pineapple Express as a stoner movie with heart. A pot movie with a story and characters we can care about. The truth is though, we barely know anything about them. Certainly not enough to make us worry when everything and everyone starts blowing up in the final third of the film.

Screenwriters Rogen and Even Goldberg blew their load in the heart department with last years Superbad, the perfect blend of nostalgia, booze and laughs. They're getting their action rocks off here with Pineapple Express, and that's fine... I love to watch stuff blow up too, I just would have had more invested in the adventure had they elaborated on anything about these two characters besides the fact that they love weed. There's a very clear turning point where they were like, "Okay, it's action time!." Laughs come second as Dale and Saul suddenly transform into trained, capable badasses. I've watched The A-Team so I've seen my fair share of AK-47s being fired, but it doesn't mean I would actually know how to do it. I doubt I could even turn the safety off let alone load and fire the damn thing. No problem for Dale and Saul though who randomly fire away.

Whatever though, that's fine. It's just that kind of comedy, even if they don't really define it as such. The shark jumping is really that they actually (mild spoilers) murder people to escape a bad situation. It all gets swept up in the "action" portion of the film, so it might be forgivable, but I would have been far more impressed if these two slackasses hand bumbled their way out of a bad situation instead of blasting their way out. Even Nicolas Angel (Hot Fuzz) managed to take out a town of evil doers without killing anyone, and he was a cop. He totally could have if he wanted to.

Even if Goldberg and Rogen have emptied their tanks on emotion and action they seem to have a limitless supply of comedy, which will keep me coming back to their films. I'm not exactly clamoring for the rumored Pineapple Express sequel though. Unless of course there's a sudden shortage of pot movies in the next couple years. I need to get my fix somehow.

Rating: 6.5 out of 10 - Something worth mentioning that got bumped from the review what with all the "Batman getting high" talk, was Danny McBride's portrayal of a mid-level drug dealer named Red. He practically saves the movie with his mild mannerisms and Terminator like tenacity to stay alive. With a toss of an ash tray he single handily rights the course of a sinking ship. McBride is slowly but surely proving himself as one of the best new voices in comedy, even if he keeps popping up in uneven comedies. I absolutely loved him in Hot Rod, but Drillbit Taylor and Pineapple Express better be him paying his dues on the way to become a star.

Chances are I will go back to Pineapple Express on DVD. If memory serves I had some minor problems with Superbad last summer that faded away in the comfort of my own living room. Perhaps some time apart and a second time through could reignite the passion between this stoner movie and I.

Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist - The trailer for Nick and Nora’s Infinite playlist hit theaters and the internet a couple weeks ago and, it's a lot more goofy than I thought it would be when I first read about it. I guess that's good - movies need laughs - but I was kind of looking for them to spotlight the unexpected romance instead of John Cho screaming into a microphone.

This has the makings of a pretty good movie though. I love that it takes place in one night, a self-contained adventure (just like Superbad actually). The perfect retelling of a night that changes the lives of these characters. There are so many great movies that happen in one perfect night.

I think Nick and Nora is the ideal move right now for Cera who's established himself as the loveable underdog and is stepping into more of a leading man role here. This isn't exactly a big stretch from the kind of characters he's been playing the last few years but the same character in the right movie is not even close to being a bad thing. Besides, the dude is totally Scott Pilgram, and that should more than cover his movie diversity for the next decade.

There were a lot of unseen images in today’s strip that I could have used for the latest incentive image. Part of me really wants to see Marlon Brando’s ghost and Merly Streep riding a cheetah but in the end I decided to just go with Batman inadvertently bogarting from Jesus. Yeah, I think that was the right move. Vote there to check that out, and because this is more about the images than the votes, you can check out all the past vote incentive images by following that link.

Hot Fuzz - Pineapple Express is a solid attempt at combining action and comedy, but it doesn't come close to what Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg were able to do in Hot Fuzz, the British action satire that holds no cliché back! I compared the big showdowns in the full review up there, but the comparisons go beyond that. Hot Fuzz just takes things farther. It really embraces the love of action while Express lingers. I prefer the action that doesn’t stop as opposed to the one that slows down for a smoke break.

If you'd like to read my Quick Review of Hot Fuzz you can check it out over at Flixter, where you'll also find a new review everyday both from current releases and old classics. I'm actually going through my DVD collection right now trying to justify having as many as I do. I think I'll be weeding out the 8mms and Dreamcatchers that are polluting my collection.

A pitch that Phil, Irv and I worked on made it’s way into the top ten of the Comic Book challenge. The comic is called Biteworld and tells the story of a world that’s been taken over by vampires, werewolves and zombies and… well, read the pages and be surprised by our unique twist to the very classic theme. It’s got all the classic monsters you love and they’re now in control of the world. We’ve just introduced a bit of hope that they might not keep that power forever.

We’re very excited about the prospect of telling this story but obviously nervous about certain things. It’s a complicated situation… but Biteworld would have never come to life without the Challenge and we’re going to ride it out and see what happens. If you like the concept and would like to see more, please cast your vote and help this project come to life!

Today is the last day to put your pre-order in for the Gotham Ninjas T-shirts, available in guy’s and gal’s cuts. I’m sure we’ll have a few left over, but the pre-orders are our priority. They’ll hit the post office the day the shirts arrive, and we will love those that pre-order more. Like the good kid. You know? Think about that a little.

Thanks a ton for the support, guys. From buying shirts to clicking random buttons that help other people find the comic, I’ve got the best, most supportive readers imaginable. Have a killer weekend, I’ll be back with more very soon.

Joe Dunn's Facebook profile

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Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V