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Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.

Eagle Eye

Starring: Shia LaBeouf, Michelle Monaghan, Rosario Dawson, Michael Chiklis, Anthony Mackie, Billy Bob Thornton, Ethan Embry

Directed by: D.J. Caruso

DreamWorks Pictures

The Official Site of Eagle Eye

Discuss Eagle Eye on the boards!

At some point during a screening of Holes that Steven Spielberg had taken his children to see, he decided that its star was going to be the next big thing. At least that’s my understanding of it, second hand from some article I read in Entertainment Weekly, but even if it’s not entirely true there’s plenty of evidence to support the lie. Spielberg took that Disney Channel star and put him front and center in his slick restaging of a Hitchcock classic, his live-action, beloved 80’s cartoon come to life, hell… he even tried to make him the next Indiana Jones! One guaranteed hit after another with this kid’s face plastered all over it! What we’ve seen over the last few years between Spielberg and that very lucky young man is the careful and calculated making of a movie star.

That newly-crowned household name is of course, Shia LaBeouf , and his latest collaboration with Spielberg Eagle Eye (directed by another Spielberg protégée D.J Caruso) has the same polished stamp of action that reeks of box office success. The kind of sure thing that probably would have done a little better if it didn’t open up against round one of Obama vs. McCain.

In Eagle Eye a young man and a single mother (Michelle Monaghan, who just keeps getting more and more fun to watch with every film) are brought together after a series of mysterious phone calls threatens them into car chases, roof jumpings, and armed robberies, among other random and exiting events that are really just flashy distractions to keep you from figuring out the big mystery of the film – who’s on the other end of that phone.

I‘m not going to tell you. I want to steer clear from discussing spoilers too much because I feel like the less you know going in, the more likely you are to enjoy what’s there. The marketing for Eagle Eye was very careful to sustain the mystery of who was making those calls so who am I to ruin the surprise? Besides, not knowing will have you guessing and wondering throughout the movie until its reveal. It’ll keep you playing the game. It’ll bring you along for the ride, and that’s the best way to watch this film.

The good news is that you don’t have to wait too long for the reveal and even after the “big question” has an answer, Eagle Eye manages to sustain its fast-paced assault through to the end.

A couple of really intense chase sequences top the big action scenes of the film. One in particular, just after the two leads first meet, was frantic and electrifying enough to really get my adrenaline up. Some of it was hard to follow and a wide shot to grasp the entire scene would have done wonders, but I was definitely in the moment and really excited.

At the same time, I feel like they could have taken it farther. There’s no epic explosion to really stamp that exclamation point on the film. No crash, no hero shot, no clip of Bond tumbling through a skylight with some random bad guy, if that makes any sense. And I feel like it’s a similar story with the script. They’ve only scratched the surface of what this kind of technology can do and the games you can play with it. Maybe they’re saving their A-material for the sequel.

If the movie fails anywhere else it’s in that you’ve seen it before. The star might have been different, and the outcome might have played out another way but Eagle Eye is a movie that begs to be compared. It lifts a couple of ideas from one movie and few more from the next… it gets to the point where you start holding Eagle Eye up to the movies that came before it. It’s a shame when something like this happens because ideally a movie should be judged by its own merits, but we live in an age where there are no new ideas. What passes for new ideas now is a bunch of movies jammed together.

Eagle Eye definitely suffers from a case of “been there, done that” but it’s not a sloppy movie mash. Thanks to strong talent in front of and behind the camera, as well as a couple of sharp ideas and a pace that refuses to slow down, the movie will win you over. It’s a fitting addition to Spielberg’s little pet project to make LaBeouf the most famous person ever.

Rating: 8 out of 10 - I walked out of this thinking it was better than the weekend box office take reflected. Eagle Eye is a better than a 29 million dollar opening. It might not be as instantly awesome as the movies people like to compare it too, but lesser movies have opened bigger and that shouldn’t be.

So should you see it? I think so. Under normal circumstances I’d advise waiting for it to come out on DVD or show up on cable but this is a movie that will be better the less you know about it, and how long do you think the “big twist” will remain secret in this day and age? Chances are you’ve got some jerk friend just waiting to ruin it for you. So for Eagle Eye I would say, either go see it now so you can experience it spoiler free, or avoid the Shia message boards and that jackass friend of yours for a few months until you can stumble upon the movie in your own time

For me it is. Even though comparisons are impossible to ignore this is the kind of conspiracy thriller I could watch over and over again on my own. I own the first Caruso/ LaBeouf/Spielberg team up, last years’ Disturbia, which is great in repeat viewings, but of all Caruso’s work, Eagle eye is the most complete from beginning to end. Like his other movies it seems to go on for a chapter longer than expected but Eagle Eye’s ending feels more connected and cohesive within the boundaries already established. That was an excessively nerdy way of saying “it feels like the same movie where the other films don’t” but that’s at excessively nerdy request I ask of DVDs I add to my collection.

I thought of this “Wolf Attack Via Cell Phone” gag back when the movie One Missed Call came out at the beginning of the year. I told myself that if the movie did well I would see it and do this joke with the review. It did not do well so I slipped it into the old idea bank and moved on.

In the summer I did a variation of the idea with this incentive image of me getting punched through a cell phone but I still liked the idea enough to do it properly here. How often do you get a chance to draw a werewolf jumping out of a cell phone? Not often enough, so I made it happen!

This past weekend I was at Baltimore Comic Con, which went… Okay? Things sold well which is good. We've gotten to a place where we know what people want and how to sell it to them. In that respect there's a lot less pressure than there was in the early days when we were nickel and dime-ing it and not even covering costs. (Stay positive young creatures. Work hard. It'll get better.) In other respects the show was less successful.

Basically… I shouldn't be allowed to talk to people. I don't say stupid things, but I never really know what to say 2 minutes into any conversation with anybody and I feel like I'm just bothering them. I HATE that feeling. This goes for fellow creators as well as potential customers. I even stumble with people that are aware of the comic:

Lovely reader: Oh Man, I love Joe Loves Crappy Movies.

Me: Me too!

…and so on.

I'm being too hard on myself I guess. There have been some wonderful conversations and it really is a thrill every time someone comes up to me and says they're even slightly aware of something I did once upon a time. I guess I'm just paranoid I won't live up to their expectations so I turn into a complete moron. My apologies to anyone that met me and thought, "This guys is a complete moron."

We have SPX coming up this weekend so I'll have another chance at making a good impression. If it doesn't work out though I'm taking a vow of silence for New York Comic Con. Maybe I'll communicate through pic-to-grams.

One of the brighter spots of the show had to be meeting Emily from Fun in Jammies and I’m sure to her it was a less than memorable encounter. I had walked past her booth a couple of times and recognized the title from a series of Project Wonderful ads she had run for the comic over the last month or so. Catchy title, good art - it's the sort of thing that sticks in your head.

So I stopped by on Sunday only she wasn't selling anything except buttons. I thought, "Wow, either she sold out of everything or she's really just here for the experience." I picked up a bee button, bought it and pinned it to my shirt as I told her I'd seen the ads floating around and her PW-marketing-strategy was working. Well, it was working on me at least.

The thing that really stood out though was that she was SO happy to be there. Like genuinely excited to just be part of the show and have the opportunity to share her comic with the world. It made me feel like a bitter old man but reminded me of a time where I thought anything was possible. And it made me look back and realize how far I've come since then. I'm a lot less optimistic then I used to be but through a lot of hard work and long nights I've been lucky enough to see my comics grow.

I finished pinning, told her she was doing a good job with the push on line and wished her luck. So to Emily I say thank you for reminding me of how exciting comics and comic book conventions can be as a young creator. Everyone out there that loves making webcomics should seek her out not only for her awesome comic but also for her infectious positive energy.

There's more to say about the show but it can wait for now. Thanks for reading, see you soon.

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Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V