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Discuss this week's Joe Loves Crappy Movies here!

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Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.

Up

Starring: Edward Asner, Christopher Plummer, Jordan Nagai, Bob Peterson, Delroy Lindo, Jerome Ranft, John Ratzenberger

Directed by: Pete Docter. Bob Peterson

Warner Brothers Pictures

The Official Site of Up

Discuss Up on the boards!

I did not have a good experience with Up. In fact… it’s the first movie I’ve walked out on in nearly a decade. There are a few surprise twists to that story but before I get into that let me try and paint a picture for you. My wife and I were very excited about taking our niece and nephew to the 10th Pixar film. With movies like Wall-E, Toy Story and Finding Nemo Pixar have established themselves as the premier animation house in the world, effortlessly able to whip up the secret formula of emotion, humor and adventure that’s been creating classic characters and endless hours of joy ever since Woody met Buzz nearly 15 years ago.

Up is no exception. Carl and Russell, a cranky old man and an enthusiastic Wilderness Explorer, are a modern day odd couple that face challenges well beyond the film’s facade of getting a house to float off the ground. Carl is on a journey to fulfill a life long promise to his one true love and Russell is determined to fill every corner of his already crowded sash, but what we really have here is two unlikely souls coming together to face the more serious issues of moving on after a great loss and finding the approval of someone you respect. Not exactly common themes tackled in kids movies these days but they fit the unlikely heroes and the recklessly brave production company.

Carl’s house is lifted off the ground in majestic glory by too many balloons to count, headed for South America where he’ll start filling the pages of his adventure book! Pixar takes the time to show off their legendary animation skills with glorious shots of the house battling a storm or just floating next to a background too beautiful to exist but realistic enough that you fell like you could retire there.

It was arguably helped along by the 3-D effects, a first for Pixar and in my opinion a mistake. The technology isn’t perfected and acted as more of a distraction than anything else. Pixar is beyond bells and whistles. They can stay competitive by doing what they do as well as they’ve always done it.

My nephew Henry certainly could have done without the glasses that kept sliding off his nose though they were a minor inconvenience for him compared to the introduction of the talking dogs. Not the loveable goof Dug that’s featured in the trailers bouncing around the two stars and being distracted by squirrels. That talking dog swoops in at the perfect moment to give the movie some much-needed big laughs. No, it was the pack of evil talking dogs snarling in 3-D and leaping out of the shadows that soured Henry on the film.

He squirmed in his seat as they chased our heroes. He let out a whimper of his own as they herded them into their master’s secret lair on the magical island. I think what broke him was when Christopher Plummer (who is just fantastic as the film’s antagonist, a bitter old adventurer desperate for the ultimate trophy) revealed a meal that was prepared for them by an evil dog in a chef’s hat. That’s is flat out unsanitary, I don’t care how magical the island is.

Eventually Henry began to complain that he wanted to go home. I was shocked. If only because this is a kid that sat through Wall-E and Star Wars: The Clone Wars two times each with no issues whatsoever. Even on their worst day a pack of evil dogs aren’t nearly as menacing as a bald, purple chick with a lightsaber.

As Up turned towards its third act it was clear that the little guy wasn’t up for it so I flung him over one shoulder and headed for the hallway where we waited for his sister and aunt to finish watching the film. What surprised me the most is that I didn’t really mind. Standing out there trying to explain to him why the theater employees probably wouldn’t want us to play with the fire extinguisher I realized that he’d done me a favor because – I wasn’t especially enjoying the movie. (I’m as shocked as you are.)

As easy as it is to relate to the characters or get lost in its visuals Up was a little dull and at times desperate for laughs. Far too slow at points and somewhat misguided in where it was going. There’s no sense of urgency. I never felt like they wouldn’t accomplish their goals where as in something Wall-E, they made me believe he was going to die. (And he was never actually alive to begin with.) Perhaps it’s not fair to compare but despite great characters that I sympathized with to the point of tears, I just couldn’t bring myself to care about their adventure. I was much more moved by the 10 seconds of them counting cars.

Nervous at the prospect of having to review a film that I missed the grand finale of I tried to poke my head in to catch what I could. Russell gets dragged across a window, Carl corrals some dogs and Plummer redefines animated villainy, all with a little hand dragging me towards the exit. I managed to talk Henry into joining me for the last 5 minutes where we were able to enjoy the (dog free) conclusion. As sweet an ending as you could wish for but I walked away with no desire to fill in the blanks.

For the next 24 hours I did little else but worry about those missing 10 to 15 minutes. You see, Up is almost universally adored. It’s practically a national treasure. I hear they’re getting their own line of collectable quarters. (Not true but one of you reading this just got really excited about the possibility of a “Carl Coin”) The only people I know that hate it are my nephew and Osama Bin Laden (he thought it was too preachy.) It’s almost to the point where it’s un-American to not be charmed by Up. To admit that you didn’t love it will bring on jeers ranging from “You’re incapable of getting something this deep” to “You have no soul.”

I wondered if I was just missing something because I thought I understood the motivations of the character and I was reasonably sure I had a soul. I decided that I’d have to watch it again although realistically how amazing could those 10 minutes be? Would it be the difference between a mess and a masterpiece or at the very least confirmation that I’m not dead inside?

Wouldn’t it have been the sweetest ending if that second viewing had won me over, if in that 10 minutes was the perfect coming-together of all things awesome to make Up the experience that it has been hyped to be? It would have. I close out my weekend of worry and watching with Up disappointed that it didn’t make the impact I hoped it would. This is a movie that is going to make a powerful connection with many people. It’s overflowing with moments designed to rip at your heartstrings. Try as I might, I just couldn’t get invested in the adventure surrounding it. I know… I’m as disappointed as you are.

Rating: 7 out of 10 - Up is definitely one of those movies that is going to make big connections with people and honest to God I thought I would be one of them. I feel like I gave it a fighting chance but as much as I can relate to the themes of life passing you by and needing the approval of a father figure I just couldn’t get invested in the structure of the story. It wasn’t there for me and I can’t express to you how bummed out I am about that. I feel like I’m missing out on all the fun.

Buuuut… I LOVE it when people love movies and it’s nice to see a film that has its heart in the right place really find its audience. The purposes of my review are not to try and convince you that Up is an inferior film but rather just to translate my experience with it. It’s my hope, as it is with all my reviews, that I can share my perspective without influencing you one way or the other. In other words – Go see Up. Chances are it’ll be the uplifting masterpiece you want it to be.

Not for me and certainly not for my nephew! I suspect though that Up will do just fine on DVD. Pixar have established themselves to the point where people buy on default and that’s not necessarily a bad thing with a company this good.

While Up as a film didn’t work for me I’m willing to admit its success, of which it has many. The stand out is something I chose to feature in today’s comic. A scene in which (mild spoilers) Carl finds a note from his wife and literally cleans house. As a whole the film itself is problematic but that 3 or 4 minutes of film is perfect. The most effective and beautiful sequence of the year, no question. They absolutely nailed this crucial turning point.

This joke of a child calling me out for getting too emotionally invested in a cartoon is something I first came up with years ago when Toy Story 2 was released. That scene where Jesse is given away floored me and instantly turned on the water works. I concocted this joke probably as a defense mechanism to make fun of myself before my friends could but it turns out they were all misty-eyed too. We’ve reached a point where it has become social acceptable for even the toughest guys to shed a tear at a Pixar film and that’s a fantastic thing.

We discussed Up on last night’s Triple Feature but, besides adding that Carl may have been on a suicide mission (I think I phrased it in a more PG way on the show) I shied away form the conversation. Tom and Gordon seemed to be having a blast talking about how much they enjoyed the film and I didn’t really see a point in disrupting that momentum. Still, they had an entertaining conversation. Give it a listen:

I’ve been avoiding JLCM fro the past week. Let’s just call it a combination of family stuff, recovering from Anime Boston and being overwhelmed by the summer season. In my absence a guest comic I did for Taking the Bypass went up and you should all run over there to both check that out as well as get addicted to the strip. Dave does a great job.

I’ve got a screening of the new Sam Mendes movie Away We Go tonight. If you’re interested in a lighter story from the notoriously dark director I’ll be posting my initial reaction over on the boards. Thanks so much for stopping by today. More soon.

Joe Dunn's Facebook profile

Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V