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Discuss this week's Joe Loves Crappy Movies here!

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Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.

Walk the Line

Released: 11/18/05

Viewed: 4:10pm 11/19/05

Starring: Joaquin Phoenix, Reese Witherspoon, Robert Patrick

Directed by: James Mangold

I think most people will agree that the Johnny Cash story is a story that needed to be told, and Walk the Line is long over due. We've been treated to a rejuvenation of bio pics in the past few years that are as ferociously entertaining as they are historically accurate. Could be the film industry is finally picking people that the world wants to learn more about. Like I said, Cash was over due.

James Mangold's telling of Cash's autobiography is thoughtful and passionate. I learned truths I would never have pieced together, and dropped assumptions I derived from the music. It's nice to know the truth, but at what expense? Johnny was a badass, but not the way I thought. The noble hardcore rebel could easily be perceived here as a weak-willed self-loathing coward.

The addiction, to pills and to women, is not noble or badass. I'm realistic in that it is part of life, and part of music, but are we expected to accept cocky rock star "grass is greener" syndrome as love?

Walk the Line is a love story more than anything, but the kind of love is questionable. What's the line between devoted love, and blind lust? I don't mean to be disrespectful, but Line depicts Cash as a man desperate to be with someone at the expense of everyone around him. Including his wife. History tells us that the relation ship of John and June was a true one. One any of us would be more than lucky to have. They found connection with love and the lord. They found peace. But the origins are questionable at best.

Infidelity is beyond me. I know that it's not so black and white but the situation in the movie was. If you love this woman ? leave your wife. Visit your kids. Embrace your new love with a fresh conscience, and with your big Johnny Cash wallet - support everyone. How hard would that have been? It may sound harsh, but this movie paints a bleak picture of Cash and his first wife, Vivian. They were holding on to nothing.

Or were they? This is my major complaint of the movie. After Cash hits it big and starts to notice June, we're given nothing but the low moments in his life. And it's not like he rose and fell, every single scene with his first wife involves some sort of conflict, some sort of argument. We see nothing but the negative aspects of their relationship. It couldn't possibly have been like that all the time.

One could argue that showing Johnny happy with another woman would take away from the love he had for June. I disagree, because, if anything, it just adds to the depth of the character. He wasn't cheating with June because he hated his wife (everyone knows this although the film may have some thinking otherwise), he was with her because he could not help himself. To show his home life as so miserable is an awful way to justify cheating or seeking out another.

Still, not being able to keep yourself from being with someone because of love, if it really is love, there's?. something romantic in there somewhere. Somewhere between "Reese Witherspoon is hot" and "This woman could make me a better person".

I had serious problems with the constant negative. I'm sure there were moments in his life that were like that, and it may be very accurate considering the entire movie only shows about a dozen years, but good character development includes the highs and the lows.

Daddy issues become part of the movie (which seems to be a theme this fall) and the same cowardice and weakness rears it's ugly head. Where's the Cash that would kick ass and take names? Where's the cool killer that refuses to take crap from anyone? Ok, it's possible and probable that in these areas of his life he was weak, and that in nearly all other areas he was the confident strong monster with the heart of a poet I'd idolized. But why couldn't we see that in the movie?

There are plenty of scenes with him, all in black, dark glasses, strutting through the lobby of some hotel on his way to rock the socks of everyone in the place. There's plenty shots of him curling his lip up to the microphone and springing back, guitar held high like a rifle ready to take everyone out with the best live music they've ever heard. But never in his life. It's as if Cash the performer was just a persona he put on to entertain the folks.

I know it can't be true, but if I'm right, and he really was the hardest rocking badass in the land, they didn't show enough. Too much self-doubt, too much weakness. Honestly it makes for great movie making in that he becomes this multi-dimensional character with may different facets and personalities. He becomes a real person, because we all have doubt, and we all have weak moments. I would have preferred a better balance. It seemed to be an exercise in breaking Johnny over and over again.

Johnny breaking is what allows June to help him. To bring him back to life, and back to god. It's not done well though. It's very clear that June as a friend helps to get him back on track, but in real life she did so much more than sober him up and get him back to touring. They were so spiritual, and that sort of is not addressed in the 3rd act, and I wonder if God was left out to bring greater strength to the love story. It works. You believe the love.

There is great chemistry between the two. Gotta thank casting on that because Reese and Joaquin are perfectly matched. Not only does each nail the individual roles, but also as a pair there is real chemistry, and a real connection. You feel their love, and their struggle. There is much awkwardness because of the situation, but where that hurt the story (in my opinion) it strengthened what these two were able to do with the parts. I wouldn't be surprised if there were nominations for both of them.

Robert Patrick may be worthy for a nod himself, as he comes in playing Johnny's father. He has a few throw away scenes in the first half of the movie, but the stare down at Thanksgiving is worth the price of your ticket. Robert is a great actor that's been given some chances, but will always be T1000. A nomination would certainly change that. I'm routing for you Robert.

My reaction is that the movie is good, the movie is entertaining, the acting is outstanding, but the story is unbalanced. We get too much of the bad, and not enough of the good. Even with the inspired love connection in the finale, and the tacked on ending to wrap up loose ends, it just all over shadowed by all the bad. Is that just the bright spot at the end of the hard journey? I guess so, but it's a hardly bright, and life is never so one sided.

6 out of 10

I would recommend it, even to non-Cash fans, because that rating is based on my problems with the storytelling. I'm still bothered by how John and June came together. It never felt right to route for their love because it always, in some way, was wrong. That just means they had to struggle to make it work. But somebody, somewhere was getting the short end of the stick. Why should I cheer for that? If it's true love - divorce your current wife.

The movie is still really entertaining, and Cash is important enough to know a little more about. Go for the big picture, and admire the performances. And somewhere in the back of your mind remember through all the awkwardness, that these two really did belong together. .

DVD worthy?:

Pass. Even for the Cash fans. It's less about the music and more about the love, which is fine, but not when the love is so naughty.

If you liked this movie check out: Almost Famous

I could talk about how good Almost Famous is all day, but I won't, I'll just point out that the reason I would recommend it from Walk the Line, is because it's just as much about love as it is about music. It does the love better. Seems purer to me. But the music is a toss up. Famous' director Cameron Crowe certainly knows the business end of a CD player, but ?come on? Cash is Cash.

Trailer Hitch: The Family Stone

Wow, a chick flick just waiting to strike me down. If it weren't for the awesome cast (Sarah Jessica Parker, Luke Wilson, Rachel McAdams, Craig T. Nelson, Dian Keaton) I would instantly mark this as "Avoid at all costs". But the family season is for family movies. Why bother fighting it?

By voting today you'll see my impression of Johnny Cash. it's pretty bad.

Even though we've moved on from Harry Potter week, it still lingers. Mainly in the newest limited edition Digital Pimp shirt based on what one angry parent said in the comic for Chamber of Secrets. We proudly present "Kiss My Muggle Ass" available for a limited time only. We'll be taking pre-orders for the next 2 weeks or so. In that person the shirt will cost 12 dollars and no additional charge for shipping. That's right, the shipping is FREE to anywhere.

Just head over to the Digital Pimp Store to place your order. We have men's and women's shirts in a ton of sizes. Unfortunately we're only doing black for this design. To sweeten the pot I'll be tossing in free sketches with each order. If, after placing an order, you would prefer something specific, shoot me an e-mail and I'd be happy to oblige.

Once the pre-order is complete we'll place the order and take the shirt down for good, so don't slack on this one. Get while the getting's good! We're very excited about this limited edition item. If it has success you'll be seeing other limited specialty items popping up. Specialty comics, stickers, possibly even a "Kill Zombie Wash" shirt when Serenity comes out on DVD. It's not so much a moneymaking thing, as it is a way to have some more fun with the strip, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

If you have anyone that may be interested, please let him or her know. Thanks guys!

Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V