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Discuss this week's Joe Loves Crappy Movies here!

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Love crappy movies but are too ashamed to admit it? Are you a big Rob Schneider fan but you're tired of being burned? Not sure if you want to waste your money on the same old movie? That's why you have Joe.

Joe Loves Crappy Movies is by Joseph Dunn. Joe willingly goes to see the very worst that Hollywood has to offer. Whenever a crappy movie comes out Joe will be there to see it, make fun of it, and actually review it. Nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. From the big budget action disasters to the low brow fart based comedies, to anything starring Martin Lawrence? Joe will tear it apart.

With each entry you'll get not only a comic poking fun at the movie, but also a detailed review. Joe's not educated in film or cinematography or acting, he's just a guy that draws comics and likes movies. So if you're looking for the everyman perspective and a little joke in comic form... you're in the right place.


Released: 02/17/06

Viewed: 4:45pm 02/28/06

Starring: Samuel L. Jackson, Julianne Moore, Edie Falco, Ron Eldard, William Forsythe

Directed by: Joe Roth

Sony Pictures Official Site of the movie

If only a missing child were the least of Freedomland's problems. What they should really be worried about is the complete loss of direction. This movie floats back and forth between half a dozen themes and tones not settling on any of them long enough to make them relevant. The finished product is a lot of nice ideas that are ultimately underdeveloped and unrealized as they're jammed into a two-hour reel. It's as difficult for the characters to live through as it is for us to watch. Thank god for Sam Jackson

He straps this movie to his back and makes it watchable. Forces us to be interested in something that most of us would otherwise walk out on. He's that good. He's always been that good. I joke in the comic that he's just playing the same character over again, well when that character is the coolest character ever to exist on screen ? who cares!? I swear, he could play Shaft in every movie and I'd keep showing up.

As the detective assigned to the case of a missing child we see the story from his perspective. We learn the secrets of the mystery as he learns them. We suffer the struggle between race and the duty to the job as he does. He's constantly maintaining a balance between the city he loves and what his job asks him to do, all the while keeping an eye on and try to get information out of a very uncooperative Julianne Moore.

Ok, the buzz on this movie has been how bad Moore's performance is. I say? ok, yeah. I could see that. But she can act, I know she can. And think about what this role of a distraught mother with a missing child would have been like in the hands of someone who couldn't act. It would have been a disaster of grand proportions. I think she keeps it on track just enough to keep the movie from becoming completely derailed. The final twisted dagger to her performance is an in-and-out accent that is supposed to be New York/New Jersey but fluctuates between that region and, from my count, at least 4 others. At one point I swear I heard an Australian accent.

A see-saw accent I can deal with but the real problem is the material. There's just too much. Part race war, Part inspirational crusade, part missing child mystery, part old town feud, and part parental lesson. The real lesson is to stop getting distracted, pick one path and really drive it home. I'm not bothered with the complexity of the situation as much as I am with their unwillingness to properly resolve it all. I felt most abandoned by the race war that had a lot of emotional impact. But after a few eruptions it fizzles and is forgotten.

I realize though that this is how it is in real life. No 2 hour movie is going to pretend to have any answers to racism. It's unrealistic. The problem is bigger than Hollywood. What bothered me more was that the switching between themes often would change the momentum and purpose of the movie. When Edie Falco shows up with her group and their mission to find lost children, the movie shifts to a very hopeful place. It becomes about truth and good, and it works. Until they jump back to the race war and you have to remind yourself that this isn't that kind of movie. It's THIS kind of movie. Or is it both? Who knows? It's sort of all over the place. And before you know it, the movies over and you've forgotten about it.

I have to admit that I was entertained through to the end. Moore is dangerously annoying but Sam with some really intense work from the supporting cast Falco and Ron Eldard do their best to keep things on track. It works on some level. All the pieces of the movie, all the different storylines, are very effective. Just not together. 3.5 out of 10

More people will hate this movie than love it. It's just that kind of movie, but there is a place for it. Some of you will get something out of it. But I'll be surprised if people are talking about this movie at all 2 weeks from now.

DVD worthy?: It's a good story to sit through once but repeat viewings are reserved for those who will get the most out of this story. People who have been through the terrible events the movie depicts. Those people will be able to get a lot out of those inspirational scenes. But the average viewer will have little to return for besides Jackson lipping off to people.

If you liked this movie check out: The Forgotten

Last years Moore starring, Roth produced movie The Forgotten about a mother and a missing child was a much more satisfying thriller. It had the same lackluster mystery, go nowhere storytelling, and slow pacing as Freedomland but it at least had aliens. I can't decide. Do aliens trump Sam Jackson? I've got it! Combine the movies and call it Forgottenland. Then we can see Sam Jackson call an alien a "motherfucker."

Trailer Hitch: Flight 93

I cannot accurately explain the level of discomfort and anger I felt while watching the trailer for Flight 93. The trailer is nothing but airline radars, darkness, and the eerie quotes of people about to die. It tells in real time the story of the men and women aboard flight 93 on September 11th 2001. The plane that went down in PA.

Is it too soon? It's been 5 years. Is that long enough? It's not why I felt uncomfortable. To tell you the truth I couldn't say why I felt uncomfortable with it. I have little invested in it. I don't know anyone personally that died that day. I watched the towers fall in person from about 30 blocks away and as the second one fell I turned to my roommate and said "Thousands of people just died". We went home watched the news and tried to call everyone we knew as the phone lines were jammed with everyone doing the same exact thing. If that's enough to feel personally involved then I should but I don't. This movie just felt wrong. It's a story that needs to be told, I'm just not sure I'm ready for it. I need more time to decide, but my gut reaction was a bad one.

Vote Bonus:

It's the next limited edition T-shirt! Just kidding. We would get SO sued.

I've decided to extend the Joe Loses an Eye series for at least another few weeks, so don't forget to vote. Every weekday there will be a new image. Truth is, I'm having a lot of fun with it and I find new ideas every day. Plus I'm not 100% sure what the next event is going to be. I need more time!

Non movie related stuff:

How well do you know Pajiba? They are a movie review site that I've been reading steadily for about 6 months or so. I like them because they're just like me, or at least they started out just like me. No press passes, no early screenings, no benefits. Just a bunch of guys that love to watch and talk about movies.

And they're seriously dedicated. They review everything. They've got one up for Madea's Family Reunion. I'm not going to have one up for Madea's Family Reunion. That speaks towards how focused they are, and they've got the skills to back it up. The reviews are funny and insightful without being pompous or pushy. I feel like if you enjoy the reviews I'm writing, then you'll get a lot out of what the gang at Pajiba is up to.

It's great to find these little movie communities out there because they're filled with people that enjoy the same things I do. It's part of the reason I love comics and sities like Multiplex, Theaterhopper, Moviepoopshoot, and Rotten Tomatoes. Hell IMDBhas practically become the home page on my computer. Great sites and great communities.

I've been behind on Clickwheel after having some trouble uploading last week, but the last three strips are up and I'm working on something special soon. I'll be sure to keep you updated.

We've also got some ad space on the main page that is available now for as low as 3 bucks, and the top large banner will be up for grabs next week. If anyone is interested, just send me an e-mail and I'll give you the full price list and availability info. Not sure if it's worth it? Why not get in touch with some of our past sponsors and see what they have to say. They're good guys. They'll tell you the truth. And if they don't I will hunt them down and make them pay!

Thanks for reading guys. First up this weekend should be Ultra Violet. I'll have it up ASAP.

Joe – The creator of the strip who has embraced giving crappy movies the chance they deserve. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - The Introduction

Yeo – Yeo is Joe’s wife and often the voice of reason in the strip. Having her act rational allows the rest of the cast to embrace being in a comic strip which primarily involves randomly punching people, interacting with fictional characters and talking about boobs. Yeo is smart, beautiful and way too good for Joe. Don’t tip her off.

First Appearance - Fever Pitch

Irv – Joe’s movie-going sidekick who’s always down for watching Jason Statham crescent moon kick some thug through a plate glass window and getting some drinks before after and during a Vin Diesel movie. Like the majority of the cast he’s obsessed with boobs.

First Appearance - Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Agent 337 George Jones – A government Agent that took over for Joe after he was bad-mouthing President Bush in the V for Vendetta strip. George ran the show for over a month bring a much needed sense of patriotism and justice to both the strips and reviews. He eventually got too attached to his work, empathizing with Joe’s plight to give crappy movies a fair shake. In a way he came to love crappy movies as well and was pushed out of the position. He spiraled out of control and ended up in prison. His adventures will be told in the limited series JLCM Presents: 337 Locked Up which is set to début Christmas of 09.

First Appearance - V for Vendetta

Other Notable Appearances: Stay Alive, Ice age 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Slither, Here Comes Guest week, Let’s Go To Prison

Leonidas – The former king of Sparta who has traveled into the future and is having trouble coping with the modern times. Yelling loudly and kicking people into giant holes doesn’t really work the same way it did in the olden days. As time as gone by he’s adjusted but it’s a safe bet that he’s always one bad message away from throwing a spear through someone.

First Appearance - 300

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Strip# 300, The Golden Compass, Rambo, Untraceable, The Ladies of Max Paybe

Palpatine – Former Senator, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sith Lord... He shows up in the Joe Loves Crappy movies galaxy on occasion to let people know that they’re being stupid. No one’s really sure how he shows up in this universe but chances are it breaks all kinds of copywrite laws.

First Appearance - Episode III: The Dark Side

Other Notable Appearances: Four Brothers, Night Watch, Saw 3, Are We Done Yet

Slow Billy – Billy is a sweet kid but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you’re watching him for the day be prepared to explain to him the plot of the movie or how popcorn works or, not so much where babies come from, but what babies are. He’s a complete moron.

First Appearance - Four Brothers

Other Notable Appearances: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Da Vinci Code, Vantage Point, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Kyle the Movie Snob – Be careful what fun facts about movies you tell your friends at a friendly gathering or in line for the latest blockbuster, because if you’re even slightly wrong, Kyle will be more than happy to let you know. He usually gets what’s coming to him though. Poor guy has cracked three ribs since joining the JLCM cast.

First Appearance - Ultraviolet

Other Notable Appearances: 16 Blocks, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Transformers, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jean-Luc Picard – Another lawsuit waiting to happen is Jean Luc Picard who, towards the end of the strip’s first year, became the go-to background character. If there was ever a seat to fill or a random person to place wandering around in the background, nine times out of ten it was Picard. While Picard has crossed paths with Irv he and Joe have never met. Perhaps they will some day but for now just can an eye on the background.

First Appearance - The Producers

Other Notable Appearances: I’m not telling you, that’s no fun. It’ like Where’s Waldo – go find him!

Ice Cream Sandwich – Delicious and… deadly? Usually when you see someone eating an Ice Cream sandwich, someone else is experiencing a substantial amount of pain. Still, how nice is an ice cream sandwich on a hot summer day?

First Appearance - Saw IV

Other Notable Appearances: Bee Movie, Run Fatboy Run, Saw V